Posted by Craig Thanks for posting a message. "Am I gay or just curious?" Most guys have asked themselves that same question. [At some time in their life] And understandably so. They are human - after all - and human beings are curious by nature. It's just unfortunate [Given how human it is to be curious] that guys tend to hid their feelings and rarely ever share with ANYONE how they REALLY feel. As a result of this secretive nature - most guys live their entire lives believing that they are the ONLY ONE who thinks these 'things'. They also tend to believe that every other guy KNOWS exactly who he is and how he feels. But nothing could be further from the truth. Most guys [Who have the courage to try to answer the 'Am I gay or just curious' question] come to believe that they are 'straight'. But many come to believe that they are 'gay'. It is - therefore - important for guys to know that the question itself does not make someone straight or gay. And trying to answer that question doesn't make someone something that they are not - either. In fact - NOT having the courage to ask ourselves that very important question is what causes most of us to have so many problems. Many guys become so fearful of the question itself that they become openly anti-gay in an attempt to shield themselves from any suspicion. Little do they realize that 95% of us are far too worried about what someone might be thinking of US to be all that focused on someone else. As for the question itself - it's only when we have the courage to ASK ourselves questions about how we think and feel do we ever come to some understanding of who we are. And it's only when we do take the time to figure things out that we have the opportunity to become all we are supposed to be. That said... I admire you for having the courage to ask your question and for having the courage to TRY to find an answer. Proclaiming to the world - "I AM GAY" - is a huge step to take and one that I have refused to do. Many years ago - I tried anal sex with a friend of mine because I wanted to find out FOR SURE whether or not I was really gay. That experience taught me two things. I don't like anal sex and I don't have to fit into some other persons idea of what it means to be gay. [I bought into the LIE that 'being gay' meant 'liking anal sex'] Stereotypes far too often become the definition of a label. This is why I don't like labels. If I were to tell some people [most people - I think] that I was gay - they would be quite willing to ASSUME things about ME. And that's just not fair. There is far more to ME than my desire to be intimate with another guy. Another risk to telling the world that one is gay is that for many people - once they do so - they feel bound to live up to what they believe is now expected of them. Labels tend to CONFINE more than they DEFINE. IF someone were to ask me if I was gay - and I trusted them not to 'tell the world' on my behalf - I would let them know that I would much prefer having a special guy in my life than a special girl. [Because that's the truth] But I wouldn't feel obligated to comfort THEM by giving them the right to label ME. As for whether or not YOU are gay or just curious only YOU will be able to answer that question. But it's important to keep in mind that [especially for teen-aged males] the emotional need for close ties to other males is VERY strong and is often sexualized. It's quite common for teen-aged guys to have some sort of sexual contact with another guy. [Usually his best friend] This might be something as simple as comparing erections to jacking off together. Some guys will go beyond that and even experiment with oral sex. Most guys don't go beyond the 'surface stuff' - however. In other words - most 'curious guys' don't engage in anal sex. Anal sex seems to cross a line that most guys aren't willing to cross. [Unless the guys are more than 'just curious'] But keep in mind that the word 'gay' does NOT mean 'having anal sex'. Every guy has the right to decide for himself exactly where HIS 'line in the sand' is. For ME - I don't like anal sex. What I want from a guy is more emotional than physical. Although I'd like for there to be some sexual contact too!! Then again - just sleeping in the same bed is nice. It's also important to appreciate that what you are feeling might have more to do with your need to bond with a guy than to have sex with him. I've often talked to married men in their 40's who have [for several years] wanted to experience what it might be like to have sex with a guy. I often feel sorry for those guys because many of them are not so much looking for sex with a guy as they are in need of a best friend. Far too many males become distant from their best friends when they get married and [over time] end up feeling extremely lonely. [Even though they are married] Guys NEED other guys. And that NEED has nothing to do with sexual orientation. It's just a fact of life. I really didn't mean for my answer to be so long winded. Hopefully I've been able to help a little. Just don't be in a rush to decide anything. Very rarely is anyone absolutely, positively sure about ANYTHING and that includes how they feel sexually and who it is they are most attracted too. I hope to hear from you again. GREAT BIG HUG
on July 8, 2007, 5:42 am, in reply to "Am I gay or just curious?"
24.64.223.205
Hi Michael!! 
Craig!!
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