"The only two things we do with greater frequency in old age are urinate and attend funerals."
"The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket."
"To err is human; to forgive, highly unlikely."
"Do you realize that in about forty years, we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos and pierced navels?" (Now that's scary!)
"Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia."
"After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching somewhere ... you may be dead."
If you do not send this to ten of your friends within the next five minutes, nothing will happen ... but you will rob them of a whole bunch of much-needed laughter.
WARNING
Under no circumstances should you take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!!!
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