One of the stage crew shouted something inaudible, but his angry expression pretty much told me what he was saying and I just knew it wasn’t anything polite. My ignoring him so upset the man that he almost stepped into the spotlight. However, the other men quickly caught hold of him before the audience could take notice.
At the point of no return and no matter the consequences, I wanted to complete what I set out to do. I stepped into the light and slowly advanced toward Dracula, but apparently the lovely looking lady lying on the bed became curious about the commotion coming from the stage crew. Something other than what had been rehearsed was going on, and she made it obvious by her awakened appearance. Then, when the caped one moved right up to his human prey, I straightened up and raised my arms above my head. I’m still amazed at how relaxed I was and recall telling myself that I was the good guy and the vampire was the culprit. The young lady looked frightened. It wasn’t the old bloodsucker who was scaring her, but the one who didn’t fill her in on the revised script. She jumped from the bed and ran off. The remaining Equity player turned and faced me for a moment. My arms were still in the air. He lowered his head and body and ran off, which left me all alone in the spotlight.
No sooner had Dracula left the stage than the crew lowered the back curtain. I stepped forward to avoid getting hit on the head. Safely out of reach, I turned and saw the stagehands looking like a lynch mob about to take the law into their own hands. I thought to run from the stage just when the front curtain began its quick descent. As I ran to beat its downward plunge, four from the “lynch mob” took after me. Just seconds before the curtain hit down, I dove under it. The curtain landed on one of my shoes, and scampering up I heard great applause as well as hoots and howls. However, there was just enough booing to let me know that not everyone appreciated my performance. On the other hand, I did steal the show, and for that I should at least have gotten arrested. The funny thing is that at the time, I never thought that I was doing anything really awful. In fact, I was having the time of my life. The stagehands had lowered the two curtains in order to capture me within them. What they accomplished enabled me to escape because they got caught in their own trap.
As I reached the staircase, a feeling of fear came over me. Louie and Bertie were nowhere to be seen. The theater was still darkened, but lights were slowly coming on. Pondering what to do next, I felt the eyes of every patron on me. Mine were seeing the shimmer of four ushers’ flashlights coming from the back of the theater and heading in my direction. I dove into a row and lay down on the floor at the feet of the people who were seated. My slithering along the rug like a snake gave some patrons the opportunity to kick me in the head, ribs and legs. That’s when I realized how foolish I was to have come up with such a dumb idea. My hands and clothing were picking up chewing gum, sticky candy, ice cream and other gooey droppings, which the spectators had spat or thrown on the floor. When the ushers reached my hiding place, nobody in the row gave me away. In fact, they covered me with their legs until the uniformed men went searching elsewhere.
A few of the theatergoers seemed to treat me as if they had found John Wilkes Booth, for I was given a few more kicks in the head, shoulder, ribs and legs.
As disgusting as the floor was, I felt safe there. I could hear pounding feet as more people searched for me. From my position I could see in nearby rows the shimmer of the ushers’ lights leaping here and there like bloodhounds seeking their prey.
Soon I realized this was serious business. What I thought had only been a lark was a great injustice to the theater’s owners and their patrons. The joke was over and for many people it wasn’t funny. I could hear the audience grumbling. I reached the end of that row and was lucky that the last seat was unoccupied. I kind of wormed my way up from the slimy floor and into the seat where I was now part of the audience. By that time most of the lights were on.
I looked at all those patrons in my row who kicked me, and the only thing I could think of was at least they didn’t turn me in. Some people were walking to the back of the theater so I decided to blend in. I stood up cautiously and walked to the center section and into one of its rows. I sat between two girls who ignored me and after about five minutes heard several sirens screeching off in the distance. Before a minute went by I could hear the blaring coming from just outside the building. Then, one after another, the sounds subsided.
The lights illuminated the theater like I had never seen it before. Just about everyone stood up, turned around and looked in the direction of the lobby. At least five police officers came running down the aisles. They didn’t tell the patrons to remain seated in order to confine and then capture this hunted villain. Hundreds left their seats and headed for the back of the theater. Half the people in the balcony did the same. With all this activity going on, it was a good time for me to get going. When I reached the lobby, I saw three cops talking to the manager and his assistants. I looked to the partition that separated the seats from the lobby, and standing there nonchalantly were my two friends smiling at me. More cops entered the theater so I walked over to Louie the Honk and Bertie the Bird, and said, “Don’t you think this is a good time to leave?”
All we missed was one more horror movie and a very good chance of getting arrested. Outside the theater we saw four parked patrol cars. The rest of the night is a complete blank.
Except for the excitement brought about by the girls in my life, I cannot remember greater emotion than on this particular evening. Before taking to the stage, I had some misgivings, but once there I was completely self-confident. I felt some fear when the first curtain came down, but much more when I left the stage. As soon as I felt certain the police were not on to me, I calmed down and was happy that my attempt to jump Dracula failed. I could only imagine what would have happened had I attacked the actor. If captured for that misdeed as well as for having destroyed a horror show, I can almost hear the court appointed psychiatrist say, “And how did that make you feel?”
Message Thread
« Back to index