[ Post a Response | Celeste's Magickal Witches Cottage ]
Posted by Spirit Dancer
on November 4, 2009, 12:42 pm, in reply to "Re: I'm confused...."
24.119.47.171
“mostly I was curious to see how you felt about it,”
In the beginning, I was curious. All I knew of witchcraft was what I saw in movies, read in fiction, and was told by my VERY Christian family. I had heard the elders talking about “roots” (curses) having been placed on people. But, it was always something dark, distant, and vague.
I was also scared. I didn’t know what it was. But I, instinctively, knew that it wasn’t just something that I could dabble in. I knew that once I started down that path, I was going to be on it for the rest of this life. That was a crazy frightening thing to contemplate at 13 years old.
“if you were in the broom closet or not,”
!!!HELL YEAH!!!
I grew up in a very socio-political family. My brothers and I didn’t even have names really. As far as the public was concerned, we were just our parents’ children. Their success and failiures were, to a great extent, effected by what we did and how we were perceived. Scandals needed to remain in-house.
On top of that, my father/pastor has always been deathly afraid of “the dark side.” I never really knew why. From what I know of his life, I don’t know where or when he would’ve come into contact with magick. But, he was a child of the 70s. So, who knows?
Growing up, he used to love Halloween. We would go to the movie store. He would let us rent all of the slasher flicks we wanted.
But, one time, I wanted to rent the Omen. He freaked out. Then, I came back with Poltergeist and the Exorcist. He freaked out more. Ultimately, we settled on something stupid like Satan Clause.
When we got home that night, he explained that he didn’t want us watching anything that might be somewhat genuine, because bad things could happen. He had seen the Omen once, and was scared crapless at how genuine everything looked. And, he remembered that the Exorcist was plugged as an adaptation of actual events. So, slasher flicks it was.
He did slip up once, and rented the Craft (which I had already seen several times). He just thought that the girls were hot. He made it through the first ritual. Then, he shut the tape off, took it back to the store, and blessed the house before bed.
I got yelled at for not warning him about the movie before he brought it home. To wit, I reminded him that I was never allowed to watch or study anything of the actual craft. So, how was I to be expected to know the difference between movie and magick.
After seeing how he responded to that, I thought it was probably not a good idea to confess that I was, in fact, dating a Wiccan who regularly hid her pentacle pendant whenever she was in their presence.
“what first drew you to the Craft...”
Albinism. I am an albino. We are few and far between. So, I didn’t really know how to explain myself to myself growing up. I didn’t seem to belong anywhere I looked (kinda like Frankenstein’s monster).
To top things off, my talents started early. I was regularly interacting with ghosts and others at the age of 6. I tried talking to my folks about it. They looked at me like I was crazy. So, I swallowed the truth and became more isolated.
I don’t remember when I saw my first vampire movie. But, I remember seeing the connections between them and me. Neither of us was fond of sunlight. Neither of us was fond of the church. Both of us loved night time. Both of us had abilities that no one else had. Neither of us was understood.
Though, I knew I wasn’t a vampire. I really REALLY wanted to be. I wanted to belong to something. I wanted a family to actually fit in with.
So, throughout middle-school and highschool I studied them. I read every piece of vampire fiction and non-fiction in every library I could get to. I watched every movie that I could rent. I emersed myself in TV shows like Kindred, Dark Shadows, and Forever Knight. Regardless of how ridiculous it was, if it was about vamps, I wanted to know it. I was more goth than most goths before I even knew what goth was.
My interest in vamps lead me to my first Wiccan girlfriend. She was a friend of a friend who was into fantasy stuff. She had some other friends who were into blood magick. And, I just couldn’t wait to meet them.
When she found out that I was quite literally an infant to all of this, she thought it best to at least give me a quick Magick 101 tutorial before having me dive into the deep end. She was the first to take me to a new age book store. She was the first to buy me a tarot deck. She was the first person to take me to see the Craft (But she was very insulted by it. So, we didn’t discuss it much). I guess you could say that she popped my magickal cherry.
Things went dark pretty quick after that. There was lots of blood magick. One demonic possession. And, a lot of stupid kids doing a lot of stupid things in the names of beings that we should’ve left alone.
“were there other kid your age who were going through the same thing, or were you alone...”
Yes. And yes.
The very small network of kids that I knew in the magickal community were all alone. We all practiced a little. But, none of us did the same thing. I was probably the darkest of us. My girlfriend was more of a pagan by fad than by craft (but she did cast the occasional enchantment). We had a few wizard wannabes who were familiar with the garb, tools, and ceremonies. But, mostly they got their magickal needs filled by reading fantasy books. The blood workers that I mentioned turned out to be three trashy people, who lived in a trailor, read a lot of Anne Rice, and tortured their cat.
None of them was as serious about learning the craft as I was. So, after the girl and I broke up, I pretty much severed all ties with the group and went off on my own.
“did your parents know, and how did they feel about it...”
My parents knew later, after I had moved out of their house. We still have never talked about it. But, they have each seen my tarot decks and tattoos. I quit hiding who I was as soon as I was out of their lifestyle.
I know that they aren’t happy with me not being Christian. But, I haven’t lived in the same city as them or their socio-political interests for some time. So, I don’t think it is something that they focus on all to much.
I remember once, when I was about 12 or 13, hearing my father give a sermon on psychics and witches. He said that there are only two kinds. Those who are liars and cheats. And, those who have sold themselves to the Devil for their gifts. Having been born gifted, I didn’t know which category I fit into. But, I knew my father’s opinion of people like me. That was all that was important at the time.
“But nevermind, I think maybe the question is too personal, and I was too hasty to ask it.”
I can’t speak for anyone else. But, I thought it was a great question to ask. And, a great time to ask it.
This is a whole new year for practitioner’s everywhere. It’s time for us to reflect on the things we’ve done an the people that we are. Otherwise, how can we hope to do and be better in the future?
I hope this is useful to your book. But, even if it isn’t, I thank you for the opportunity to remember.
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