Posted by jan on December 2, 2007, 8:52 pm, in reply to "Discouraged"
Message modified by board administrator December 2, 2007, 11:07 pm
Just because I'm not where you are at doesn't mean I haven't been there, and it doesn't mean I don't remember how horrid it was. I *have* been there, and I *do* remember.
And that is why I will CONTINUE to urge all of you moms to get to the next step--one step at a time. And I will continue to exhort you to get back up tomorrow and try living just one more day. BECAUSE I KNOW. I KNOW what it's like to want to lay down and die, to go through weeks of sleeping my life away rather than exert the energy to get out of bed and awaken once again to the agony.
I will continue to poke and prod and nudge each one of you back to life...but the one thing I cannot do for you, is choose. Each one of you must choose, day by day if necessary, to not give up on living, to not give up on being a believer, to not give up on one day serving God in heaven with your beloved child.
You say you refuse to go through one more pain-filled holiday---or what, Debra? Like it or not, you are not the Last Word on life, nor am I or anyone else here. There is only One who is Sovereign. Get mad at that fact if you like, but realize that getting mad isn't going to change it.
I had an extremely difficult time accepting that God is God, and I'm not--that He did not *owe* me anything, and He did not have to ask my permission on anything. Others yield to God much more easily than me and I admire that trait--but I ranted and raved and told God off for months.
So do you think you can rattle me with a little bit of ranting here on the board? Not hardly! If anything, you remind me of *me* eight years ago. 
Grieving is hell, and it's hard work, and it's messy emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I've lived in it since 1999, and even though I am slowly growing in the midst of and in spite of it all, it's still very much a daily decision.
(((hugs))) to each of you,
jan
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