Posted by Ruth
on December 7, 2007, 11:12 pm
24.71.223.140
I wrote this piece some time ago. As Christmas approaches I can't stop the tears every time I hear Chrismtas music. The pain goes so deep and yet there is a sense of deep comfort in the message of the songs. But I wanted to share what I wrote it goes well with what Patti wrote.
Every Year when I start hearing Christmas music, I get annoyed and complain, “Why do they always start the music so early?” Ted usually looks at me with a puzzled expression which isn’t unusual. He’s so often at a loss when I express my thoughts out loud.
This year I decided to examine why I feel this way. Christmas music makes me feel sad and I develop a lump in my throat. My eyes mist with emotion that I try to push away.
This time I allowed myself to think back to when I was a little girl and how my parents made Christmas special for us. We didn’t have much, but that didn’t stop my parents from giving it their all.
At our house , in the month of December, you wouldn’t know that Christmas was coming except for little signs. Mom seemed to be baking more often,. Our home seemed to sparkle and shine a little more, but no Christmas decorations were up .
On Christmas Eve we younger children were sent to our rooms after supper to play and keep out of the living room until we were told to come down. Of course we knew, preparations were underway for the big celebration. We were so excited; we could barely contain our anticipation. Time seemed to stand still and the build-up of excitement was excruciating. We tried to envision what we would find under the tree. Our imaginations ran wild.
Finally the agony of waiting ended when Mom called us down to the living room. As we peered into the room, the sight took our breath away. The room was transformed into a magical wonderland. It glowed with colored lights and sparkling tinsel. There was the Christmas tree all set up and decorated. Soft music played in the background, and the table was decorated with fancy linens and candles. Our mouths watered as we spotted all the special cookies , cakes and chocolates arranged so nicely on Christmas platters. Under the tree there were simply wrapped gifts for all. I remember that Mom and Dad loved to watch our expressions as we first laid eyes on the festive room and they were delighted with our response.
I was always eager to get at the presents and open them, but first we had to sing some Christmas carols. My family was very musical and we loved to harmonize together as we sang. Then Dad would open the Bible and read the Christmas story of the birth of our Saviour. He impressed upon us the importance of the most special gift we’d been given.
I couldn’t wait until Dad finished praying, I was eager to open my gifts. They were often homemade gifts that meant so much to us because they were made with love.
I’m so grateful for my parents and their love for the Lord. We had tough times and plenty of problems. The toughest time was when we lost our Mom to cancer when I was eight years old. Through it all Dad’s faith and trust in the Lord never wavered. He was deeply dependant on the Him. Both Mom and Dad are with the Lord now, and I miss them, especially at Christmas time. The Lord chose to take Lisa,our daughter home last year and it’s especially hard to hold back the tears thinking of Christmas or any occasion without her.
The sadness that I feel when I hear and sing Christmas music is a sentimental thing of missing my parents and Lisa and the wonderful warm togetherness of family. I miss having that child-like wonderment and excitement in anticipation of Christmas. These days Christmas has become a frenzy of shopping, baking, cooking and unrealistic expectations.
As I was thinking about this , it was like the Lord gave me a new perspective, urging me to look up. I realized I can look forward with eager anticipation to the return of our Lord, just as I had waited with excitement on Christmas eve, as my parents prepared the celebration. The Lord is preparing a place for us right now and Lisa is already there joyfully singing praises to our wonderful Savior. We can look forward with child-like eagerness, to the biggest celebration we can’t even imagine. This is not a fantasy, it’s a very real expectation!
So I will try not to be sad anymore as I hear Christmas music, but will rejoice because we will be reunited with our loved ones and best of all we will be face to face with the ONE who loves us most. We can rejoice as did the angels because of the birth of our Saviour, His life, death and resurrection and His promise of coming again. I can’t wait, can you?
Ruth hanging on to His promises.
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