Posted by patti
on June 13, 2008, 4:52 pm, in reply to "My journal"
64.190.239.103
Jan,
I relate to your every word, and those words were written on June 13th exactly 7 years ago. So many nights, I stay awake, and I cannot ever sleep without taking something. I watch tv until about 2:30 or 3 most nights simply to keep my mind occupied. And oh how I pray for Bobby to visit me in my dreams. I live for those dreams, but they only come once in a while.
Jan, how are you doing now after nearly 9 long suffering years? Does your heart still feel the pain like it was only yesterday? I never knew that I could feel this much pain day after day for so long and still survive. I never knew people grieved like this, and to learn there are so many other moms just like me - all of us suffering. It is beyond what I ever could have imagined. My daughter, who is going through a divorce, talked to me last night. She said nothing compares to losing Bobby. Her divorce is like comparing losing a pinkie toe, to losing her whole leg when Bobby die. We are a very close family - we have always been. Me, Cindy, Bobby and Stephen. My husband is not their real Dad, but he has always been so wonderful to us all. But still, it seems like it has always been me, Bobby, Cindy and Stephen. We were always there for each other, through the troubles and all the joys. We miss our Bobby so much. Will the pain always be this deep? I sometimed think it would have been better had we not been so close. When my brother died, I did not hurt like this, and when my Mom and Dad died, I did not have this terrible pain.
If it was not for my close relationship with God, I would not even be here. It is my faith in Him alone that gives me the strength to keep on living.
Thanks for listening.
Patti
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