Posted by Eva
on June 15, 2008, 7:40 am
99.247.217.131
I've been reading the posts, and wondering whats normal. Some of you are still severely brokenhearted years later. Some of you move on.( Jan, I love your last post abt. doing something important each day!) Christina died only 9 months ago, and I have been trying to move on for the last five. And succeeding most of the time. I have a "major meltdown day" every 3 weeks or so, but mostly I see each day as an adventure. I will always have my baby in my heart, and love to go to her gravesite and put little things on it. Last week I placed a beautiful nylon butterfly in the hands of a ceramic angel that my mom put there.I finally removed the little ceramic snowman that was there. Christina LOVED snowmen and butterflies.
I will be moving across town at the end of July, away from the apartment where C died. Not looking forward to going through her stuff and packing it away, but I know God will give me the strength to get through it. I bought a big plastic bin in her favorite color, and will put her stuff in it, to go through when I want to feel closer to her. I've been reading through a bit of her journal, and have found even worse things that went on between her and her dad. Too much info for now, so I put it away again. My husband is still trying to get me to come back to him, which I never will,and is always trying to come up here. My new apt. has a better security system. It'll be hard paying the $700.00/rent on my $1,000.00/month McDonalds wages, but my God provides.Like Jan, each day I try to do something that matters. Last Sunday I took a lady to church who doesnt go, because she wont go alone.She is really depressed, but was excited about church afterwards and wants to go again! My ears are great listeners for the young girls at work, and now even the boys are asking me about dating advice! I'm the "mom" figure at McDonalds, and the young people have nicknamed me "sunshine." I think its Jesus glowing through me, in spite of my circumstances. My heart is still sad, but I try to find joy in each day.
Keep looking up, ladies, Jesus is there for you!
Eva
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