Posted by trish
on December 22, 2008, 10:58 am, in reply to "Re: why me..."
76.66.58.14
jan you do make sense..there is a woman living a few towns over 30 years ago lost 3 children in a car crash one night on their way to a church event..she came to visit me when my first child died, what an inspiration for me i thought if she could keep living after that tradgety i had hope that i will make it also...for in my mind that was so much worse then what i was going thru....not that it took any of my pain or agony away but it was hope,,,she came to visit me again when my matt died, and with all the people that were in my house that nite , she was the only one i wanted to be with, again she was my hope....i will have to make it again thru this pain.we all have to go thru the stages of grief..no matter what else is going on out there,,or how much worse someone else is going thru...i think of all the murdered and tortured victims, my comfort is that at least my children didn't have to suffer like those children, and as a mom i don't have the evil images in my mind like these mothers do....but yet my pain is still so real...these are tools i use to get thru this...the saying GRIEF IS THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR LOVE..is so true...when i miscarried my twins i thought that was the worst a mother could ever go thru..3 years later i lost my 2 year old it was unbearable...now i lost my 17 year old and i can't get out of the shock phase..not that i loved matt more then christopher..but our time together and relationship was sooo much more..its hard to explain, but going thru it personely i can tell you the grief is so different..i also have matt's friend and girlfriend around that i have to eventualy let go and be happy for them in their life choices,especialy his girlfriend has a new boyfriend...i tell her i'm happy for her but inside i'm screaming from pain..cause she is suppose to be with matt....then i think of mothers who loose sons that were married and children, and their daughter-inlaw remarries how hard that must be....so there is always something out there a little harder then what your going thru ...but i must stress it does not belittle any of your own pain...i also think of haveing a child going missing....that has got to be the worse...at least i know where my boys are and they are safe....and yet at the end of all this i still feel so lonely in my pain and grief...but it does help to focus some time on what else is out there and where you can help....so to end all this i do know where you are coming from into introducing us to the outside world...and to reconize all the pain that many are going thru....thankful for your reminder.....love trish....p's' i hope i made sense....
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