Posted by Patti
on July 17, 2009, 3:22 pm
209.150.95.140
Hi ladies,
We went on vacation with our grandkids on an extended road trip through Washington DC, Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, Tennesse and Georgia. I got back from being out for nearly two weeks and I have had so much work to catch up on that I had no time to post, but I did go back and read all of your postings.
Debra, Trish, and Sandra – life gets very difficult for us after losing our babies that it seems like there is no end to the pain. Nothing in the world that is worthwhile. We see nothing but all the sinful, bad things and all the sadness and suffering. Sometimes we let ourselves become so bogged down with nothing but the misery that we lose even the ability to find anything at all to live for. I am totally trying to describe the way I myself have been living for nearly three years now. Bobby kids came here to Texas to visit us two days ago, and seeing them has done me a world of good. They are so much like their Dad, that sometimes just watching the way their mouth move and their jestures, the look in their eyes, it is like Bobby is right here with me. It used to tear me apart, but now it brings me such amazing joy. I am starting to realize that there is still a lot of good here, and I cannot stay bogged down in my own painful world and let it all pass by. And, it will pass by and I will have missed it. My little 16 month old grandson (Little Bobby) is so full of wonderful things that he makes it almost impossible for me not to notice. It is like he is cracking me over the head saying to me “Look at all these great things that I am experiencing!” Sooner or later I have to face the world again, and I don’t want to die a self-pitying old lady who missed out on all the wonderful things that God gave to me, because I was too wrapped up in my pain to enjoy anything. Ever so slowly, I am coming out of this – and there are days (weeks even) that I just don’t want to come out of it. At times, I just want to be left alone in my misery. I keep praying to God that he will forgive me so being this miserable person. I know He must understand.
I hope you guys are doing better today.
Love and Hugs to everyone,
Patti
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