Posted by jan
on July 19, 2009, 1:01 pm, in reply to "Jan - how are your parents?"
69.146.98.201
Thanks for asking, Patti. Physically my parents are improving day by day. Mom was in better health when she broke her hip (as she has never been in a hospital before except to birth me in 1953), so she's improving physically rather well. Dad's progress is much slower, but nevertheless, he IS improving every day.
Emotionally... I'm at a loss. Mom has become a belligerent, cruel person towards my dad; has refused all of my attempts to help her make plans; and has refused to learn how to use the cell phone I got for her (with BIG buttons, and nothing fancy) to call me. So I haven't talked to her since I got home July 10.
Dad, on the other hand, calls me every day on his new cell phone (ok, so he has the nurse's aid come in and help him call me... but he does it! every single day!). He's also thanked me profusely for putting together a folder CHOCK FULL of information on the various options they have (brochures on 10 different in-home care agencies in town; paperwork on 3 different assisted living facilities w/cost sheets; information on government sponsored assistance)... the same folder mom refuses to look at because, as she told my aunt, "I wanna do it MYSELF!" Sure... and how's she doing that? Laid up on her back in rehab? She's asking EVERYONE ELSE to get the very same information for her! Dad, on the other hand, even for all his own quirks, is appreciative.
Mom is determined she is going back to her own house. She has agreed to let me get Life Alert buttons for them both (well, actually, I TOLD HER it was a non-negotiable item, that if she wanted me to continue to come back to help her when I'm able to, she WOULD wear one *g* and she just said "ok"). Everyone at the rehab center is embarassed for my dad, the way his wife is treating him.
Let me say here, in times past, when dad has been in the hospital or rehab (and there have been 3 other times in the last 12 years; 2 of which were in the last 3 years), he himself was quite a pill... very demanding on everyone, and a big baby when it came to pain. But not angry or cruel. And at the time, he had a healthy wife to care for him, so the prospects weren't as life-altering.
I'm just very very worried for my mom's attitude, for dad's "heart", and frankly for their marriage.
Thanks for letting me vent. I know, after reading your other post, Patti, that there is HOPE where there is God. And not only is Mom a believer; but the pastor at a little local church that I attend when I visit my parents has been visiting them -- and they BOTH love him! My dad even asked the pastor to pray with him before he left. And mom has commented that she wants to go to his church when she gets home (it's literally one block away, and the pastor is 78 years old himself, and has a great sense of humor).
So I am holding on to HOPE.
love,
jan
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