Posted by Ruth
on September 3, 2009, 11:13 am, in reply to "Tami"
174.0.40.155
Hi Goria, I completley understand your thoughts and feelings. They are all too familiar. It's most often how I feel too. it'sll be three years in October since our Lisa died. She was 36 and it was copletley sudden and unexpected from an undiagnosed kidney infection.
My grief journey has been like a roller coaster.
Just when I think I've moved ahead a little with life, it comes back in torrents, flashbacks and despair.
Life is definitley changed and will never be the same. God's comfort is my only haven and I trust Him. But it doesn't mean that I don't hurt and grieve.For me it is a daily battle to keep going and not sink.
A few weeks ago a friend was surprised to learn that I still grieve for Lisa. I was upset that she might have thought that I should be "over" it by now. She meant well but hasn't a clue. One doesn't get over losing a part of you until we get there too.
This summer has been so hard and at one point I thought I'd lose mny sanity, it was so rough.
I don't seem to have any goals or things that interest me for long. I'm more interested in things of heaven than I am of things on this earth.
I have a son and daughter in law, One grandson the only grandchild I will ever have and I don't get to see him, through circumstances beyond my control. I feel like I've been robbed of many things.
My husband is a wonderful man and he tends to feel like I do about everything.
It';s such a long and painful process working through the grief and I think sometimes we expect much more from ourselves than is reasonabley possible.
I had this thought the other day, of the potter putting his clay creations into a kiln. After the firing of the creations, the kiln has to cool down very slowly and not hurried otherwise the creations will break and shatter. I think it's like that with us too. It takes a long time and God gently has his arms around us holding us close while we try to heal, so we don't shatter.
He gives us time and He gives us Himself.
Love
Ruth
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