(Jeff): Well lads, it's certainly been an entertaining week in both English and Scottish football over the past weekend; lots of action, teams moving up and down, especially in the title races and relegation battles and speaking of Scottish, I'm very pleased to welcome to the panel today, a true legend in British sport, Butch Parker, who is making his first appearance on British television for nearly two years. Great to have you back Butch.
The camera pans across to focus on Butch who has just taken a sip from his glass of water and tips the edge of the glass towards the presenter in acknowledging manner.
(Butch): Cheers Jeff, great to be back.
(Jeff): Excuse me for asking Butch, but is that a Port Vale strip you're wearing today? I thought you were a Rangers man?
The rest of the guys on the panel all glance around with cheeky smiles as Butch himself, smiling, peers down at the Port Vale crest emblazoned across the upper right hand side of his shirt.
(Butch): Nah, I'm actually a Dunfermline Athletic fan, but I like to follow the lower leagues; I don't know the action just seems a lot faster paced. And the Vale are just a team I like to follow on the side.
(Jeff): Well they're flying in League Two this season, you must be pretty pleased.
(Butch): Yeah, a lot better than Hartlepool are doing in League One, eh Jeff?
Butch grins and a chorus of "ooooohs" echo around the set as Jeff manages a smile despite being the brunt of the joke.
(Jeff): I'll have you know, Butch, that we are holding our own very nicely thank you very….
Jeff trails off laughing before he can finish his sentence as the rest of the guys can't help themselves either.
(Jeff): Anyway back to business; a lot of mixed results and speculation occurring over the weekend, Darren Bent scoring on his Aston Villa debut to put a dent into Manchester City's title aspirations comes to mind, plus Ian Holloway's comments regarding Villa's £4m bid for Charlie Adam as being insulting and now it's been revealed that he wants to leave. Charlie Nicholas, what're your thoughts? Is Charlie Adam worth more than that?
The camera pans to Charlie Nicholas.
(Charlie): Charlie Adam – I like this kid; he leaves Rangers for peanuts and goes to Blackpool and puts the cat amongst the pigeons. He keeps this up and it's gonna be an early bath for the Blackpool fans.
There is an awkward silence for a moment before Jeff speaks again.
(Jeff): Yes, quite. Erm, Butch what do you think?
The camera's focus reverts back to Butch.
(Butch): Well he's a fantastic player Jeff, there's no doubting that. Obviously he's not reached the scoring heights he climbed to in the Championship last season but he's certainly shown that he can cut in the Premier League. How Villa can fork out £24m for him but can only stump up £4m for Charlie Adam is beyond me. Darren Bent, although is a good striker and probably has one of the best strike rates in the Premiership, in my opinion, he isn't worth £24m. If they're going to spend that much money on someone like Bent, they should be offering at least half of that for Charlie.
Phil Thomson decides to chime in with his opinion on the topic.
(Thomson):: I'm not sure I agree with you there, Butch. Yes, Charlie Adam was good at Rangers and yes he had a good season last year with Blackpool but if I was the manager of Blackpool and a club like Liverpool or Aston Villa came in with a bid of £4m for Charlie Adam, I'd be hard-pressed to find someone else who'd turn that kind of offer down.
(Butch): Aye but you're missing the point Phil; Charlie's an integral part of Blackpool's line-up. He's their captain and has a lot of influence on the park and he's probably their best player. You telling me if Man City came in with a bid for Fernando Torres or Steven Gerrard; Kenny Dalglish would turn it down? Damn right he would, 'cos they're important team players.
Sensing a possible argument developing, presenter Jeff Shreeves attempts to move off-topic.
(Jeff): Moving on then. Their was quite an upset in Scotland at the weekend, as Hearts established themselves as genuine title contenders with a gritty victory over Rangers at Tynecastle. Butch, I know you're a keen follower of the SPL, thoughts?
(Butch): I have to say, I felt Rangers were very unlucky not to run rampant against them. For long spells in the game, they were the far better team. The midfield passing of Davis, Edu and wee Jamie Ness was brilliant. Lafferty actually had a half-decent game for a change aswell. Hearts rode their luck for most of the match and Marian Kello; the Hearts keeper had a fantastic match, if it wasn't for some of his saves, Hearts would have been lucky not to have been three or four-nil down. But fair play to Hearts, they stuck at it and managed to get that vital goal that Rangers just couldn't find. Now Hearts find themselves two points behind Rangers, albeit the latter have a game in hand over them and two over Celtic but if Hearts keep this level of play up, I don't see any reason why they can't split the Old Firm.
Murmurs of agreement flicker throughout the room before Jeff moves onto his next line of questioning.
(Jeff): Moving away from football and focusing more on wrestling, seeing as you're our guest this weekend Butch. Obviously wrestling isn't as publicised and broadcasted as much as other sports in the United Kingdom however we do like to stick our toes in the water from time to time. Havoc, which is in fact aired on Sky Sports, is a very popular broadcast and I must say, that was quite a series of events that played out on the last edition. For those who haven't seen it, we're going to play a couple of clips from it. Now you weren't actually present Butch, but your presence was most certainly felt.
The screen goes away from the desk panel and shows an amalgamation of Havoc highlights ranging from the tarantula incident to Ronnie being covered in blue paint, to Hogan's walker. The camera comes back to Jeff, Butch et al who are laughing their heads off.
(Matt Le Tisser):: (Still laughing) How on earth did you get away with that tarantula gag?
(Butch): I had to pull a few strings but it wasn't too hard. Eddie actually thought I was trying to poison but I'm not out to kill him. If I wanted to kill him, I'd have arranged for a Sydney Funnel Web or something like that to be delivered. But the whole point of Havoc was to embarrass the NOW. Like Talon said, they had their fun at our expense at Fatality with the spray paint and we had some fun at Havoc. Thing is though Jeff, most of the incidents that befell the NWO at Havoc could have easily been avoided, I'm sure Hans has touched on this already. The package with the spider was clearly marked for MY attention and the door that Ronnie entered clearly had "Private Do Not Enter" on it. As for the GAY-Team, I don't know who the hell organised that but it was pretty funny; like Hans said, he thought I did it and I thought he did it and we had no part in Ronnie's memo either. I don't want to drone on though, like I said – Hans has already addressed these topics.
(Jeff): Pretty entertaining stuff, Butch nonetheless; however they seem to be dismissing it as nothing at all, well with the exception of Ronnie McNeil that is.
Butch smiles.
(Butch): Eddie says he's up for a laugh but not when it's his expense. If he and Talon choose to dismiss our pranks as nothing, let them but I think Eddie's face when the spider runs up his arm says enough. I heard it's one of the biggest hits on YouTube right now.
(Jeff): There seems to be a never-ending spat circulating between yourself, Hans, Eddie and Talon. Do you ever see it abating?
Butch half-heartedly sighs, a half-smile still etched on his face.
(Butch): I doubt it, Jeff. If I can paraphrase a line from the Joker in the Dark Knight, I think we're destined to do this forever. Neither of us can resist ripping into the other at some point in the week or day or whatever. Talon continues to act like nobody gives a shit about me and that they're on everyone's hit lists and how that's a good thing. Eddie continues to spew nothing but verbal *expletive* out of his mouth, that doesn't, unless you're in his little clique and share the same delusional line of thinking, make any sense. For all Hans and I care, they can continue to dismiss and not pay us in any mind. Talon can keep thinking I'm annoyed because seemingly no one wants to face me and that I'm craving attention.
(Jeff): Well, are you not annoyed at the lack of action you've been getting?
Butch scoffs.
(Butch): I'd hardly call it lack of action, Jeff. I'd say the only thing I'm remotely annoyed at is Eddie's continual convenient dodging of my challenges that I've made as blatantly obvious as I possibly can.
(Jeff): So what is it about Eddie that annoys you so much? Obviously we don't know a great deal about him over here, he doesn't seem to have made the same waves you and Hans have outside of the USA.
Butch lets a deep breath gush out and prods the inside of his cheek with his tongue, as if trying to think of something to say.
(Butch): In all honesty, Jeff, there isn't a great deal to say. He's got a silver spoon up his arse, thinks the sun shines out of it, has an undeserved sense of accomplishments and basically just gets on my *expletive* tits. I will get my match with him though, whether it means more to me or not, I don't care. To put it bluntly, I just really, really want to hurt him. Badly.
(Thomson):: Isn't wrestling fake? Like choreographed? My lads watch that one, the WWF, with the Undertaker and all them and it's a load of rubbish.
Butch just looks at Phil Thomson like a horse just had a shit in his pocket.
(Butch): HWA is about as real as you'll get when it comes to professional wrestling Phil. Anything more real and you'd have to watch mixed martial arts.
(Jeff): So, you're saying that if Eddie continues to ignore your challenges, you're just going to keep going after him?
(Butch): Pretty much, Jeff. Fair enough, AC James has a lot of beef with Eddie and I totally respect him, despite what went down during our battles over the HWA World Championship a few years back. But Eddie should count himself lucky he's got Talon, Ronnie and Hogan around him because he's gonna need as many pairs of eyes as he can spare to watch his back.
(Jeff): Well folks, we're going to go to take a quick break, when we come back, we've got a lot more to discuss, including Rafael Benitez who is eyeing a return to the Premier League, Gareth Bale's back injury and how big an impact it will have on Spurs' title chances and lots more, stick around.
The four men continue to chat amongst themselves as the screen goes to commercial.
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