Maniac: Greetings, tonight I come to you from the side of the road, because I feel it is my sworn duty to keep reminding my fellow man of the dangers around us. So, muffle your b#tches and perk your ears as The Human Horror Reel enlightens you once more.
*Maniac strolls over to the side of the highway and watches as some cars go zooming past, after a moment or two Maniac turns back to face the camera.*
Maniac: Fellas, has your women ever tried to drive? You’ll notice I said try, because women can’t drive. They can know the rules, they can even sit in the driver’s seat, and the more adventurous can even turn the ignition. But no matter what they say, women simply cannot drive. It’s part of their genetics. They will give way to slower drivers. They will wait for way too long at traffic lights. They will narrowly avoid running into telephone poles, and they will often miss seeing obstacles because they’re putting on their lipstick. Yet when you ask them if they know how to drive, they always assume we mean that in an insulting manner. Like it’s our fault they can’t drive properly. b###hes, for your own sanity, allow me to elaborate. When we ask you if you can drive, what we really mean is ‘Pull the car over b#tch, before you kill us both’. Most men are just too nice to say it like that. I’m not though; I’ll happily put a b#tch in her place, like I’ll be doing to Hans von Richtoven this week. Hans, do you know the reason women can’t drive? Beyond their mediocre mental capacity, and lack of skills besides opening wide? Because women are born followers, you were born to follow, Men were born to lead. I mean, just take a look at history. I dare you to name ONE decent thing a woman has ever thought up or invented, that doesn’t involve deep-throating. Hell, I bet you women didn’t even think of that. Some guy somewhere just decided to slam his cock down a b#tch’s throat and she realized she could take it. A Legend Was Made. But see Hans, while I have absolute hatred for most women drivers, you take the cake. You and your “I’m better than everyone” attitude, I don’t get it, I really don’t.
*Maniac moves to the front of his car and sits on the hood.*
Maniac: And the worst part is you believe you should be HWA World Heavyweight Champ. No, sorry, let me correct myself. You believe you COULD still be HWA World Heavyweight Champion. I’m sorry Hans, but to be a champion in this world, you need testicles. I’m sure you’ve handled plenty in your time, but until you grow a pair you’ll never survive in the ring with me. You’ve lost the gold now, and yet you’re still acting like you are the be-all-end all of the HWA. Who the hell are you to say that I need to raise my game considerably to get onto an even keel with you? You know Hans you lose just like anyone else and just because you WERE the HWA World Champion don’t mean you are better than anyone else. I’m a former two-time HWA World Champion but you don’t see me going around acting like I am on some sort of pedestal high above the HWA roster.
*A car then zooms in a little closer to the edge and Maniac jumps forward, and then turns and glares at the car zooming off.*
Maniac: Get some glasses you f*cking #####!
*Maniac then strolls back towards the driver’s side of his car, talking as he walks.*
Maniac: The fact is Hans, last week I didn’t want anything to do with you. You seemed a little busy backstage being worried about your World Title reign coming to an end for me to worry about and you were right to worry. You know Hans; you really should listen to that old saying you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. That’s what you have been doing to me, judging me just because I had to deal with that insufferable leech known as Bryan Deas. You know just as well as I do that Bryan Deas is like a cockroach, no matter how many times you step on him or in my case set him on fire he will not go away. But enough of that, I’m done with Deas and on to bigger and better things and you Hans get to see just how well I can do in the ring. Face the facts Hans, this week you get to spend a little more time on your back, which you should be used to, being that you did so well with Ronnie at Declarations. You won’t lose because I’m The Chosen One. You won’t lose because I’m better then you. You’ll lose because you’re blinded by pride, which is obvious by what you have already said. I’ll see you at Havoc.
*Maniac then hops into the car and drives off, spitting dust up at the camera as it fades to black.*
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