Maniac: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to say goodbye. Goodbye to a close friend of mine, someone who has touched all your lives. She was like a blur when she sped up, but when she was seen it was almost like the sun shined perfectly off her. Some of you are here out of jealousy to say goodbye, while wishing you had something in your lives as beautiful. Some of you have ridden in her, and will know that she was always soft and easy to touch. When she got going she purred so beautifully, and there was never a better sound then her purring. She seemed to zoom through life, often at 62 Miles an hour. She was strong too, running on just 640 Horsepower. I’d like to say I’ll move on, but that will be very hard, as I might need to walk for a little while. And even when I get a replacement, nothing will touch my heart like my Roadster did.
*The camera then zooms out and we see there is a framed photo of a Silver Lamborghini Murciélago Roadster on Maniac’s left.
Maniac sniffles again and then sighs and looks back at the urn.*
Maniac: We went through so many adventures Silver. We rode together often, and I will always take pride in the fact I was your first. You were like a virgin, with such tight steering, and the perfect body. And as I always promised you I would, I am here today to throw your ashes on the I5. You always loved cruising down it, looking out at the ocean, and showing off your perfect rear end to cars as you passed by them. I still remember the time a State Trooper tried to pull you over and you just did a few extra revs and he lost you before we even got around the corner. I’ve got so many good stories for you Silver, and I’ll always take pride that I didn’t lose you, like some “holier than thou” German would have done. I rode you hard and fast, and you loved every moment of it. Enjoy Car Heaven my friend, and when I get called up, I’ll make a special point to get your keys back off JC.
*Maniac sighs once more, and then after a moment he turns and faces the camera.*
Maniac: I know a lot of people think it’s weird I would have a funeral for the Roadster, but to be honest, this was mostly for one person. You see Hans; I know you lost a Roadster too before. And I know you’ve filed the police report, and you searched the city for it. Being the now it all you think you are, you’ve probably lost the keys inside your bag, or you’ve just left the Roadster out the front of some random gym and forgot all about it. But for once, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you do possess a brain, and maybe your Roadster was stolen. I can understand that, it was probably a great looking car that everyone wants to put their hands on. And yet Hans, you probably seemed surprised it was taken. You seemed shocked that anyone would want to take your car. I know Germans are naïve, but you’ve taken it to a whole new level. See, there are people out there who want cars that look like yours. There are people out there who will actually take your car if you turn your back for just a moment. I know, it’s not nice, but it’s the way it is. So cry all you want, because you won’t get your car back. Now, I know it’s harsh to say it like that, but I have to be hard to be fair. It’s the same reason I want to wrestle you and then go on to become HWA All-Star Champion. It’s why I’m on this crusade to take Eddie’s title from him, because every day he holds that belt, HWA gets laughed at. I know you have your personal problems with the NWO like I do; being that Ronnie did beat you for the HWA World Title but that doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that you and I FINALLY get to step in the ring and settle things once and for all.
*Maniac walks away from the “funeral” setting and continues.*
Maniac: Believe it or not Hans I am excited about this match, I want to show you and everyone that your claims of superiority are bullsh*t. This is going to be one of the most fantastic matches all the time, a match that will brought up for Match of the Year. Not because you are in it but because WE are going to do what we love to do, what WE have trained for what seems a lifetime to do. Please Hans, face the facts, you are not better then I am. I know you think you are, but the fact of the matter is while you have been living in this fantasy world of superiority I have been training hard and preparing for our match and are more than ready to show you how well it is going to pay off.
*Maniac strolls back, picks up the urn, and then starts walking as the camera pans around and we see he’s walking towards the I5. Maniac gets close to the side of the highway and then turns back to face the camera.*
Maniac: All week, I’ve had people b###hing at me. Claiming I’m a monster. Claiming I need to wake the #### up and realize that I have been walking down the wrong path as of late. Claiming I’m selling my soul to advance in this business. Well if that’s the case then consider my soul sold! I don’t do this for my own sake, how many times do I need to say that. I do this because I am sick and tired of being used for other people’s advantage. I am sick and tired of people like you Hans that think that just because I was gone from the HWA for a short while that I have lost my step in the ring. You fail to remember that I am a former two-time HWA World Champion, you fail to remember that I have won countless titles here in the HWA and how do you think I won those Hans? I used my skills to win those titles, and at Havoc I am going to win against you. I have enjoyed your silence Hans, because I recognize it as a time when you know that I speak the truth. This week Hans, I’ll make sure to shut your mouth by shoving my boot in it. Like I said before, I want to fight you this week. When you made all those comments about being better than me, you forced my hand. Your making me do this, your making me show you your place in life. So get ready to lie on your back because I am going to beat you worse than Ronnie did and that’s ALL you are going to be able to do.
*Maniac places the urn by the side of the road and then steps back and looks at it for a few moments. He sighs and then nods, a slight smile on his face.*
Maniac: Bye Silver.
*Maniac turns and strolls back away from the urn. He stares into the camera as he walks.*
Maniac: When it comes time for Havoc Hans, I’ll see you there. I’m sure you’ll think of some bullsh*t to say before then but when you get there, just remember VIOLENCE IS GOLDEN!!!
*Maniac walks away from the camera as the scene fades to black.*
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