The photo is one of Santa, Mrs. Claus and about 200 tiny little elves all huddled around them. Naturally, the "elves" are blatantly just midgets who are all wearing pointy-eared appendages, and Mrs. Claus isn't even in costume! She's a young woman of around 25 who is just wearing a sexy Christmas outfit that shows off her ginormous hooters. Santa on the other hand, is smiling widely, but his eyes are focused directly over at the previously mentioned ginormous hooters. His fake beard almost reveals the facial features of someone that could be attributed to a young man in his late twenties. But then again, it could just be the angle of the shot.
But none of that truly matters, because Santa is now kicked back in his recliner, eating some cookies and staring at the fire. He stares over at the television and places the remote into the front pocket of the red and white overalls he is currently wearing. He chuckles a soft: "Ho Ho Ho" to himself as he sits up in his chair and scoots his padding-filled midsection up to the front of the chair. He now looks over at the oak carved coffee table and picks up a small hand-held digital video camera. He fumbles with it for a few moments before he finally gets the viewer to pop open. He then presses the tiny red "Record" button and speaks once the red light flashes on.
Santa Claus: Hoooo Hoooooooo Hooooooooooo! Hello there boys and girls, moms and dads and people all around the world. It's your pal, Santa Claus!
Santa now stick his tongue out, crosses his eyes and generally acts like a damn idiot. The guy will do anything for a laugh, I suppose. Even when it isn't that funny to begin with. This only lasts for a moment or two, before he puts on a "serious" face... or at least... as serious as you can be while wearing a Santa costume and a visibly fake beard.
Santa Claus: My friends, there is a dastardly devilish plot at hand in the dark halls of the HWA. You see, I hear that the front office workers are actually Jewish! They don't even believe in Christmas! I've even heard a few of them mock me behind their backs, claiming, like Grunge and Kaleb Cross... that I'm not the real Santa Claus!
The digital video camera drops down and Santa can be heard visibly crying. He can also be heard mumbling and blubbering something about Cobra Commander looking stupid in the new G.I. Joe movie... but no one can be positive what he said. The cries slowly turn into sobs... which themselves slowly turn into muffled gasps for air.. and then silence. A clearing of the throat is the next sound heard as Santa now raises back up the digital video camera.
Santa Claus: Grunge, what a stellar athlete. I've watched him on television, and I must say, he looks even more ripped in HD. Not that I'm into checking other dudes out, but if I batted for the other team, I'd knock one outta the park with him. Uh... not that I've spent time thinking about it at night or anything.
Santa stammers for a moment, his face growing even redder than his rosy red cheeks normally are. But he quickly moves on, hoping that the Freudian slip won't be caught.
Santa Claus: Well, never let it be said that the HWA didn't give opportunities. While Grunge and I are quite possibly the most unorthodox match booking yet, I'm up for the challenge. I will defeat him... there isn't a doubt in my mind about that. After all, I'm facing against a man who couldn't find his own buttocks with both of my... I mean, his hands... not that I've thought about that or anything.
Santa clears his throat and then smiles.
Santa Claus: Look, it's all about dedication, and I'm dedicated beyond belief to HWA. While others might say they are and do their own thing elsewhere... I won't. I'm going to kick some rear here. Who knows, maybe I'll find someone to make a run for the tag team titles. Or maybe I'll grab one the special little singles titles? All I know is that I hope Grunge is prepared to take a Sleigh Ride to obscurity, because you're on the Naughty List, and it's my job to make sure you get what's coming to you! HO HO HO!
Santa now lowers the hand held digital video camera and fumbles with the buttons for a moment, before hitting the power switch slide and causing everything to fade out.
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