The prestigious Christmas Championship!
The scene kicks back into high gear as the red "REC" icon appears on the screen, blinking furiously, apparently Santa is using a handheld camera again, but this time, not for the "personal" movies that he and Mrs. Claus record on the weekends in the reindeer stables.
Santa Claus: Friends, I have decided to record this footage for all of my fans around the world. You see, for the past few months, things have not been going as smoothly as Santa would have liked. I've been trying my best, giving it my all, but things just don't seem to work out. After the hectic insanity known as Christmas, I returned to the HWA in the hopes of making something of myself. I wanted to become a star, a big star with the proper morals and attitude. Someone that friends and family could all see on television or at the HWA live events and cheer for. Everyone knows that I'm a nice guy and that I'll do anything for a laugh, that's why I made sure to keep everything light, fun and entertaining. But while I was away doing my HWA duties, things began to pile up here at the North Pole. Obviously by my constant reindeer flights back and forth from the North Pole to the HWA events, I haven't been able to stay focused on one or the other. This is the sad story that I have here tonight. I love wrestling and I love all of my fans out there who have been tuning into the HWA and Pay Per Views every single month. I used to be the most dedicated man on the face of the planet. I wanted to become an HWA Champion, but I let things fall here at the North Pole. It seems that the evil, dark forces of the secular world are out to stop me from spreading my yultide cheer on HWA Television. It seems that your old pal Santa just might not be up to the challenge anymore. He's just a washed-up has-been, a loser, a no good bum who doesn't even deserve another chance.
The digital video camera drops down and a single, solitary tear is seen trailing down Santa's cheek. You feel sad for the old bastard, because you know that it must truly hurt him to feel this way. The single tear dangles at the edge of his chin, as Santa's red, puffy, watery eyes can be seen. Then the teardrop falls, and it catches the light in the fireplace and causes a tiny, almost microscopic rainbow cascade as the light from the fireplace shines through the magical, clear tear. But the tear now lands on the polished, buffed hard-wood floors of Santa's cottage and gives off a faint, splashing sound as it now quickly disintigrates onto the wooden floors and soon evaporates from the heat. A clearing of the throat is the next sound heard as Santa now raises back up the digital video camera and stares into it deeply with a determined, serious look on his not-so-cheery face.
Santa Claus: But I'm not going to quit. There have been too many times that I've been told to quit and to move aside for the younger generation to come through. It happened to me in 1581 when I was almost burned at the stake for being a warlock. It almost happened again in 1928, but every single time adversity placed its ugly face in my view, I fought it back with my wood-chopping axe and a whole hell of a lot of attitude to back it up with! That's why I know that I cannot quit. I have been given a new lease on life. A second opportunity to not only show up in the HWA this week match against Grunge, but also to win and keep my contract free and clear. I really am determined to become a champion in the HWA, and with me unveiling my Christmas Championship, there is no greater time than right now for me to make my triumphant return to the ring after 7 days, but 10 years in North Pole time. I'm going to show up to the arena in my bright red sleigh, full of presents for all of the boys and girls out there. I'll be there to sing songs for my friends and fans, I'll sign autographs and I'll also be selling HWA Approved Replica Christmas Championship Titles for the ultra-super-low price of $29.99! I'll be there all morning long to meet and greet the fans, but then, once the afternoon hits, that's where I will be back into the mindset that I need. The mindset to do whatever it takes to defeat Grunge.
Santa smiles widely, his shiny, perfect, snow-colored teeth are massive as they are magnificent. He wiggles his bushy and fake white eyebrows like Magnum P.I. except instead of a shiny, waxed red Ferrari, he drives a shiny, waxed red sleigh. He now continues again, making sure to pick his words carefully, so they don't offend or upset any of his younger or elderly fans watching on the television at home.
Santa Claus: This is where things are going to get interesting. I have absolutely no intention at all of losing this match. I have invested far too much time into the HWA just for me to be sent out from it like a dog running scared. Just like the time I was in Shawshank Prison, I am not going down without a fight! I am not going to have my detractors and the people who hate me sing "Na Na Na Na" at me as I make that lonely walk back up the aisle. I refuse to quit and I refuse to give up, because the power of Christmas will be behind me. No way and no how! I am going to grab my wrinkly red Christmas Sack and I'm going to use it as a brutal weapon. I'm going to use it as a battering ram to run right over my opponent with. I'm going to use the wrinkly, old, smelly, lint-covered Christmas Sack to get the win. The Christmas Sack will also be used as a boulder, which I will fling at Grunge and watch with glee as he falls to the mat writing in utter agony. This is where my mind is at, I want nothing more than to damage and incapacitate my opponent so when it is all said and done, I can have another win on my already distinguished HWA career.
Santa's face had grown to a beet-red color as his anger was clearly being shown. But after a few deep breaths and a sip of some delicious hot chocolate with multi-colored marshmallows, he clears his throat and then smiles kindly.
Santa Claus: But it just depends on what everyone else in the HWA has in store. For all I know, I could very well wind up on the losing end of this match and be banished to the independent federations for the rest of my career, because half of the people in the HWA don't believe in Christmas, and don't believe in me! I don't want this, and I am going to try everything I can in order to restore the spirit of Christmas in the HWA. If I fail, I will consider retiring back to my little wooden cottage here at the North Pole. If I fail, I will have to be content with living vicariously through wrestlers like Eddie, Fallen Angel, Maniac, Heinrich, DNA, McNeill, Angelus, Dragon, Senester, Talon, Deas.. sort of, and the other big names that are affiliated with the HWA. I hope this will not happen, that is why I am going to put everything on the line. If I can't succeed, then I'll die trying!
Santa now lowers the hand held digital video camera and fumbles with the buttons for a moment, before hitting the power switch slide and causing everything to fade out to black.
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