I forget Mickey I got a good lawyer for you his name is Chuck U Farley and his number is….
* The promo is interrupted once again with the same static feed. A few seconds later the frame clears and we gain sight of footage from one of Butch Parker’s recent promos *
Michael James is a disrespectful, sanctimonious, bottom-feeding piece of shit that isn’t fit to lace the boots of anyone on this roster
* The frame cuts to static once again. Less than a second later the image cuts to the interior of what appears to be the personal office of Michael James. The sound of a flame lighting the tip of a cigar is heard and the camera pans across the room to show James sitting behind a desk. He has an unimpressed expression on his face while focusing his attention towards a plasma screen monitor. He turns his attention towards the camera and removes the cigar from his mouth *
Michael James “I forget Mickey I got a good lawyer”.
* He lowers his sunglasses and glares into the camera with a cynical expression *
Michael James This is the guy who is supposed to be gunning for my championship? Seriously? I mean, can someone please tell me who this Mickey person is because I’m ####ing lost here.
* He raises his sunglasses and points a remote control towards the monitor. He allows Fallen’s promo to continue *
The caretaker could probably take you out and he is a retired wrestler
Michael James Yes, Fallen, I’m sure he is. Just like I’m sure it’s going to rain winning lottery tickets from the sky while you and Iron Man have butt sex underneath a waterfall made out of ####ing bubble gum. It’s like I told you before, asshole. No one is listening and no one cares. It doesn’t matter how much desolate material you present to the general public, you aren’t fooling anyone. You told me to give you something new while you continue to go one and on and on like a broken record about the same pointless things that make no difference to anyone. You want to know why I refuse to take you seriously? It’s because you’re a ####ing idiot. I’m sorry Steve but I refuse to acknowledge the words and opinions of the biggest imbecile in the company. Maybe if you had some actual accomplishments to mention but you don’t have any recent accomplishments. Do you, Steve? I didn’t think so. All you have is a mouthful of lackluster material that isn’t going to do anything for you in the long run. I hate to be the one to break it to you Steve but that isn’t going to be enough to make it lowly past a piece of shit like Bryan Deas, let alone someone like me.
* James takes a drag from his cigar and pauses the footage with the remote control *
Michael James You keep blowing smoke out of your ass in hopes and I’m not the only one that can smell the bullshit, Steve. For months you’ve been working up towards this huge return to the HWA to do what? Ramble on like a mindless idiot? If that was your main focus why make a return at all? I mean, you obviously haven’t moved any mountains. You haven’t won any championships or done anything worth mentioning so why continue to foam at the mouth like a rabid dog when you know that no one is listening? It really makes no sense to me but if that’s what you want to do then more power to you, Steve. If you enjoy making an ass of yourself in front of everyone there isn’t much I can do to stop you. To be honest, I really expected more out of you. After reviewing your previous material I expected something different from the usual douchebaggery I’m used to seeing week in and week out. You aren’t even approaching this from a professional standpoint and that’s the part that I’m worried about. Just think about it for a second. If you can barely speak a legible sentence in your promos just what the hell do you think is going to happen when it comes time to face the music?
* He fast forwards the footage and locks the frame on a shot of Steve Angel. He has an unusual look on his face similar to the expression of someone being constipated *
Michael James I know I can be intimidating but you were practically drooling on yourself in this last one. You really need to take a moment and get a hold of yourself. It doesn’t take a genius to see where all of this is going to lead you, Steve. I know you’ll tell me that I’m wrong because you’re “destined” to be this great champion and everything but we all know that isn’t true. You want to know why? It’s because champions don’t conduct themselves like spoiled ####ing children. Champions don’t blow smoke out of their ass when they have nothing else to say. Champions, like me, don’t have time to babysit mid card douche bags like you, Fallen. If you were destined to be the All Star Champion at any point in time you would have done it well before I signed with the company. But you didn’t do that either. Did you, Angel? So what the #### makes you think you can get the job done five to six years later? Get real, asshole. If you couldn’t do it before you can’t do it now so you might as well flush those hopes and dreams down the toilet with the rest of your pathetic material.
* He allows the footage to play *
Lately he has been swamped with Senester and the dredge wannabe James
Michael James And yes, we heard you fine the first five times. You have said that I want to be like some guy who was active in 2006 or some shit. We get it. It’s just like I said before. No one is listening. No one cares. You want to know what they do care about? Me. The undefeated All Star Champion. I’m the one with the title so I’m the one they pay to see. I’m sure you’ll try to pull your predictable reverse psychology move and say they’re coming to see you but let’s be honest here. No one is going to pay money to sit around and listen to your pointless bullshit. If that was the case they could get the same thing for free from a strung out crack #####. But people don’t like being bored to death. They want their money’s worth and I hate to break this to you Fallen but you have already proven that you are incapable of fulfilling that responsibility. You can barely walk a straight line without shitting your pants let alone be trusted with something as prestigious as a shot at my All Star Championship.
* James removes his sunglasses and he drops them on top of the table. He ashes his cigar and continues to direct his attention towards the monitor. He rolls his eyes and turns away from the desk after putting himself through the agonizing torture of listening to the ramblings of Steve Angel *
Michael James It’s just not in the cards for you, Steve. Maybe you can convince Shevington to revive the Spotlight title since that seems to be closer to your class of competition. Then you can spend the next year and a half working your way back up the ladder until I feel you have earned your place in the company. No one just shows up and demands a shot at my championship. If you want it you’re going to have to fight for it, asshole. Then, once you finally have that moment in the sun you’ve been anxiously awaiting, I’ll be the first one to kick sand in your face and knock you back down to the bottom rung. Open your eyes and realize who I am, you washed up mother####er. I’m the best All Star Champion the HWA has ever seen. I end careers. I crush dreams and I’m damn good at it.
* He powers down the monitor and drops the remote on top of the desk. He stands up and removes the cigar from his mouth. The camera follows James as he walks away from the desk and an area filled with championship titles mounted on the wall. He reaches up and removes his customized All Star Championship from its positioned mount. Michael James turns towards the camera and holds up the championship with both of his hands *
Michael James Personally, I think you need to pull your head out of your ass and focus on the current task you have ahead of you. And no, I’m not referring to the orgy you have planned for the family reunion. I’m talking about the match you have on Havoc against a man who unlike you, actually held the World Championship at one point in time. Now, don’t get me wrong, Butch Parker is a piece of shit. He’s a weak b###h that would rather hide behind a woman’s skirt than hold a championship title. But despite my personal opinions about the guy he isn’t what anyone would call a pushover. He’s willing to break his body and spirit in order to defend what he believes and that’s something I can respect. Unlike you Fallen, he isn’t drooling at the mouth or shitting his pants at the first sign of actual competition. Unlike you, he isn’t using childish attacks or pointless tantrums to get his point across. If you want my opinion I don’t think you can take him.
* He shrugs his shoulders with a cynical expression on his face. He drapes the All Star Championship over his shoulder *
Michael James You might not like it but that’s just my take on it. I have a hard time seeing you making it past the likes of Heckler and Kosh so you’re going to need a miracle to hang with a former World Champion. He might be an asshole and a wasteful piece of shit but he’s still nothing like you Fallen and that makes him a professional in my book. I’m sure you’re relying on earning a victory over Butch with your reputation from the old days but what you need to realize is we aren’t living in 2005 anymore. You want to know what Parker was doing while you were sitting on your ass for the past year? He was going to war with Senester for the World Championship. Granted, he didn’t win it but at least he had enough value to his name to earn a justified opportunity. You couldn’t even make it that far. All you could do was earn the lowest ranked championship the company had to offer.
* James begins a sarcastic slow clap in an effort to mock Fallen *
Michael James Whoop de god damn do, Angel. The most important highlight of your career was the day you earned a championship that was so important to the company they decided to toss it in the ####ing trash. I know basic comprehension is frowned upon where you come from but here in the real world that’s pretty much the same as doing nothing. How many times has De Lo Brown been nominated for the hall of fame in celebration of his reign with the European title? None. You want to know why? It’s because just like De Lo Brown that title was a piece of shit with no actual value. And the same applies with you and the Spotlight championship, Fallen. The HWA knew you would never be able to surpass the mid card stigma so they gave you something to keep you out of the way. The Spotlight championship was nothing more than a way for management to keep your mouth shut while they focused on people who were capable of developing a profit. You want to know why Shevington decided to grant me an opportunity for the All Star Championship? It’s because she saw greatness in me the same way she saw disappointment in you. I’m the champ because I have ####ing earned it. You’re at the bottom of the ladder because that’s where you deserve to be, Steve. You might as well start a campaign in hopes of bringing the Spotlight title back to life because that’s the best you will ever be able to do.
* The camera cuts to a close up on the custom face plate of the All Star Championship. James takes a drag from his cigar causing a cloud of smoke to move into the frame *
Michael James Do you want to know why I refer to you as an imbecile, Fallen? It’s because you refuse to face reality. In this business you have to be able to approach each confrontation with more than just harsh words and an unstoppable opposition. You have to be able to profile each one of your opponents from an intellectual stand point. I have never had a problem doing that. When I was booked against Bryan Deas I had the match won before I cut my first promo. Bryan knew it. Shevington knew it. Hell, the entire company knew it even if they didn’t want to admit it. That was easy for me. For someone like Fallen it would have been a difficult task. And it’s not very hard to understand why. Steve Angel is not an intelligent man. He blows smoke out of his ass the same way a child would during the course of a temper tantrum. If they aren’t the words that he wants to hear he’ll drop to the floor kicking and screaming until someone gives him some kind of attention. I don’t have time for that. I have my hands full winning matches and defending my championship so Steve Angel holds no threat towards anything I plan to do in the future. He isn’t going to win my All Star Championship or the World Championship so he might as well get that out of his head right now. He could go out and grant favors to some hobo in exchange for partnership towards the tag titles but chances are even Fallen would find a way to #### it up like he always does.
* The camera moves back and places James back into the frame *
Michael James I said it before and I’ll say it a million times if that’s what I have to do to get my point across. Steve Angel is a ####ing idiot. Any douche bag with half a brain can talk out of his ass the way Fallen has been doing for the past week. His bullshit doesn’t impress me and it sure as #### isn’t getting him any closer to a shot at my All Star Championship. He’s just like Bryan Deas claiming premeditated victory in a war he will never win. If you don’t have the right arsenal for your own defense you might as well go back to the drawing board. That’s exactly what you’re going to have to do if you want another response from me, Steve. You’re below my intelligence and you’re below my standards so I really have no need to waste any more time on you. In a few weeks I’m going to be defending my championship at Road to Ruin while you’re doing what? Sitting on your ass talking about the things you will never do? Yes, that’s what I thought.
* He walks back to the desk and snuffs out the cigar inside of an ash tray. He adjusts the All Star Championship resting on his shoulder as he approaches the camera *
Michael James Just like your abilities inside of the ring, your time in the HWA is restricted to limitations. Just like Heckler, Kosh, Judas Mercury and Bryan Deas; you’re trying to fire the opening shot in a battle you can’t possibly win. Ask anyone in the locker room and they will tell you the exact same thing. Don’t #### with Michael James. But I already know you aren’t going to listen to them. You know how I know that? Because it’s a proven fact that you can’t fix stupid and that’s the only true way to describe your personality, Steve. You refuse to face reality, you rant like a child for attention and when you have no material you blow smoke out of your ass hoping someone might take you seriously. Well, guess what, asshole? No one cares. They didn’t care in 2005 so what the #### makes you think the same material is going to make a difference close to eight years later? Give me a ####ing break. You can’t seriously be this oblivious. But then again, maybe you really are as stupid as your material makes you out to be. I know I can’t be the only person that is sick of listening to you. I can’t be the only person that senses your obvious bullshit. You’ve made it clear as shit exactly who you are and you know what, Fallen? I’m still laughing my ass off. So go ahead and present your predictable routine. Spit some more outdated insults my way while you sit around expecting to be rewarded for your stupidity.
* James removes the All Star Championship and holds it up towards the camera lens *
Michael James More importantly, get accustomed to your position at the back of the line. Because I can promise you one thing, Fallen. You’re going to be there for a very, very long time.
* The image cuts to a static feed *
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