05/07/2013
Birds Eye Media Broadcasting, LLC
Detroit, Michigan
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- Brain Damage Broadcasting with Eddie & The Boomer -
* We open with an exterior view of a two story building located not very far from the infamous eight mile railway system in Detroit, Michigan. The office of the broadcasting company is found to be a part of an industrial park modified into a venue reserved for up and coming small businesses. We gradually move through the front doors of the building. The lobby seems to appear somewhat normal. There are various cubicles scattered around the room while the sounds of Xerox machines and telephones make it almost impossible to hear yourself think. A cross-fade cuts the scene to an area near the back of the building set up as a broadcasting area for the radio station. A variety of stickers, shirts and posters promoting a selection of well known grindcore and death metal bands are found decorating the room. We move past the door directly into the broadcasting area where two men are found sitting across from one another. They both have individual microphones and sound boards in front of them *
Eddie: Despite whatever fans want to think, he didn’t leave the band to be an asshole. He left because it was the only choice he had left. Plain and simple. I bet you a hundred bucks right now that anyone with half a brain would have done the exact same thing if they were put in the same situation.
Boomer: If that’s the case then you wouldn’t just be an asshole, Eddo. You would be a ####ing idiot with no sense of loyalty to the fans or the music. Everyone knows that rule number one is you don’t abandon your friends when they need you and that’s exactly what he did at last night’s show. He quit when things got rough and he walked off stage because he couldn’t hack it.
Eddie: Are you trying to tell me the sparks that were flying from the strings of his guitar had nothing to do with it? C’mon, Boomer. Even you have to admit the setup of the stage seemed like a rink dink operation with piss poor management. These guys have toured with some of metal’s most influential names and this is the kind of treatment they get for agreeing to perform on the fly?
Boomer: They still agreed to do it, didn’t they? Is it the club owner’s fault that he was forced to make last minute preparations for a band with impossible expectations? Of course it isn’t. He did what he could in the time they gave him so I don’t blame guy for standing his ground.
Eddie: Try telling that to the health department on their next routine inspection. Coming up, we have a slight change of pace as we will be welcoming the Hardcore Wrestling Alliance All Star Champion Michael James to Brain Damage Broadcasting. We will be discussing life, death, limbo and his upcoming tag team match against the World Champion Butch Parker and Santa Claus of all people.
Boomer: Seriously? Santa Claus?
Eddie: That’s what the card on the website says. Keep those asses where they are listeners because we’ll be right back after this commercial break.
* Eddie reaches forward and flips a switch on the main control board. The red light cuts out and the commercial break begins to run. A few seconds later the door opens and the cameras gain sight of Michael James entering the room. He is wearing an Armani brand shirt and a pair of expensive slacks. He approaches the booth with the two men and removes his sunglasses. He tucks them into the pocket of his shirt and takes a seat behind an additional sound board. James pulls the microphone in and adjusts its position for his own comfort *
Eddie: Okay James, I don’t know how familiar you are with broadcasting but we have a pretty basic system here. Once the red light comes on that’s when we’ll be live so just keep that in mind once we start recording.
Michael James: Easy enough.
Eddie: Luckily, this is internet radio we don’t have to follow the usual legalities that come with standard broadcasting.
Boomer: In other words feel free to stick to what you’re good at, James.
Michael James: And what the #### is that supposed to mean?
Boomer: It means we won’t tolerate censorship of any kind. If you have something you want to say then just go ahead and say it. We won’t be revising any of the content or releasing a candy coated version with all the vulgarity cut out.
Michael James: Sounds good to me.
* He says with a smile as he places a set of headphones over his ears. Eddie and Boomer do the same as the commercial break start to come to an end. A few seconds later Eddie reaches towards the control switch and prepares to flip it over *
Eddie: Okay we’re going live in three…two…
* He flips the switch and the large red “On The Air” light flashes on *
Eddie: Alright metalheads and gorehounds, we’re back with the Eddie and Boomer show and just as I promised we are now joined in the studio by the one, the only, the undefeated HWA All Star Champion, Michael James.
* Eddie reaches towards the sound board and plays a sample from Newsted’s recent track titled “Soldier Head”. He flips the switch back over and cuts out the audio sample *
Eddie: Welcome to the show, Champ. It’s a great pleasure having you with us for your first official appearance on Brain Dead Broadcasting.
* James leans forward and speaks in the microphone in Japanese. Eddie looks across the way towards Boomer with a confused expression *
Boomer: I think he said your mother sucks cocks in Hell, Eddo.
* Michael James and Boomer begin to laugh at the expense of Eddie *
Eddie: Well judging from what I’ve seen from some of his fights in the HWA he can say whatever the hell he wants. There was one match in particular where he ripped open some poor guy with a wallboard saw. Boomer, the guy was seriously drinking his own blood by the end of the match.
Michael James: And that was the least of his worries. He came out to the ring with a busted leg after the doctors refused to clear him for active competition. I just did what comes natural and made him see the error of his ways. You wouldn’t see Harvard Rugland trying to kick a ####ing field goal with a shattered knee cap, would you?
Boomer: Of course not.
Michael James: So why would Bryan Deas try to face me for the All Star Championship when he could barely walk? Clearly, the guy is a few fries short of a happy meal.
Eddie: Is this the same guy you have to team with against Butch Parker and Claus?
* James directs his attention towards Eddie with an irritated expression on his face *
Michael James: Yea. Thanks for reminding me.
* He says with a frustrated tone *
Boomer: I thought you said the Deas guy was a cripple, Eddie. How is he going to fight from the seat of a ####ing wheel chair?
Michael James: That’s a good question, Boomer. Unfortunately, it happens to be a trick since this entire match is nothing more than a ####ing sham created by Liz Shevington in an attempt to get under my skin. It’s like you said before. Bryan Deas is a cripple so there is no possible way for him to compete in this match. Unless he is coming to the ring with a ####ing tommy gun stuck up his ass we might as well consider this to be my second handicap match in the HWA. The first time it was against Heckler and Kosh. And just like Bryan Deas I left both of those assholes for dead in a pool of their own blood. Now, I’m being forced to team with the same mother####er I had to destroy in order to defend my championship. This match is what we professionals refer to as a recipe for disaster. You have three guys who want to kill each other in the same ring with a ####ing child molester who wouldn’t know his own ass from a hole in the ground. Parker and myself have been at each other’s throats since day one. So putting the two of us against one another in a tag match isn’t going to amend or mollify the hatred we have for one another. Placing a crippled freak and an overweight douche bag between us isn’t going to change the outcome of this match. It’s just going to make things worse but you know what? I’m fine with that. Butch is fine with that. This match isn’t about Ballsack Bryan Deas or Claus. The HWA universe wants a clash of the champions and that is exactly what we’re going to be giving them.
Eddie: But what if Bryan Deas decides to bail on the match and force you to face both of them alone? Would you focus more of your attention towards Bryan’s attempt to throw you under the bus or a victory over Parker and Claus?
Michael James: Parker and Claus, obviously. After I bled Bryan like a stuck pig all over the arena I pretty much marked his name off my current list of accomplishments. There is only so much you can do with a guy like Bryan. In this business he’s what people call a stepping stone. He did a few things back in the day and now that he’s back in action he wants to be rewarded with titles and victories for things he did in the past. Obviously, life isn’t turning out to be the fairy tale ending he might have hoped for. And he can try to get even with me by no showing the match. That’s what everyone is expecting from him. He can’t hack it anymore so instead of putting worth an effort he decides to just give up like he did last week on Havoc. He had the world title opportunity he has been wanting for and what does he do? He hands it over to Butch Parker like some kind of parasite handing down a case of gonorrhea. Those are the kind of stupid decisions Bryan Deas is famous for. Back in the day he was the world champion for an entire month. And chances are now that Parker has the title he’s probably going to start gunning for that in an effort to reestablish his severely limited days of glory. As you guys can tell Bryan’s career has become nothing more than an endless cycle of mindless bullshit. I don’t want to have anything to do with that. I don’t need his assistance to get the best of Butch Parker. I’ve already done that on multiple occasions. As far as I’m concerned his participation in the match is ####ing irrelevant. I didn’t ask to be teamed with a crippled imbecile. I asked for my shot at the world championship and this is what I get. That will give you guys a perfect example of what happens when you leave the chain of command in the hands of an incompetent old b###h like Liz Shevington.
* James leans back in his seat and folds his arms after dropping a serious pipe bomb on Shevington *
Eddie: I think that one might cost you, James. I’ve seen the show myself and as far as I can tell Shevington is no stranger to the wrestling business.
Michael James: If that dirty old ##### knew anything about this business she would know how to book a ####ing match. So far with my last two endeavors she has been unable to do that. First it was my match against Freddie Styles where I was able to pin one half of the Tag Team Champions without suffering as much as a scratch in the encounter. Now she wants me to team with a mentally defective asshole who can’t even wipe his own ass without proper assistance. Obviously she thinks it’s funny to keep placing me in matches that are below my class of competition. If she knew anything about the HWA she would know that I deserve better than that. I deserve to be in the main event against Butch Parker for the World Heavyweight Title. Instead, I’m booked in a tag match where we have nothing on the line but bragging rights. And I’ll be the first one to admit it. In some situations pride can hold more importance than gold. When it comes to the overall character of the carbon copy champion, pride is the only thing keeping him from falling to pieces. He’s trying to balance the weight of the world on his shoulders and he knows he can’t do it on his own. He lost the championship before so there’s no telling how low he will sink when he loses it again. I just want to be there with a front row seat so I can bask in the ultimate downfall of Butch Parker. In this particular match, pride happens to be the apparent stipulation. And I’m fine with that. I developed my reputation by breaking the pride and dignity of people below my own standards. Why should Butch be any different from them?
Eddie: What do you mean?
Michael James: It means Butch is a ####ing relic. He’s a dinosaur that refuses to face extinction. Sure, he’s the world champion. But how long is that going to last? He lost it to Maniac in 2004 and it took him four long years to get it back. Then, in 2008, he lost it to AC James and was doomed to repeat the same process. But that’s just the kind of person Butch is. When he gets knocked on his ass he can’t just get back up and wipe himself off. He has to stay down for a matter of years until he can muster the strength to retaliate. I’m not like that. If someone pisses me off I have no choice but to react. Unlike Butch, I demand respect. Judas Mercury, Freddie Styles and Bryan Deas didn’t believe me and now they’re ####ing history. If Butch wants Wisdom to be the only Parker left on the roster than I will have no problem making his dreams come true.
Boomer: Wait a second, James. Go back.
Michael James: Back where?
Boomer: Who the hell is Wisdom?
Eddie: Butch Parker’s wife.
Michael James: That cross eyed prostitute has been jocking my cock since the second she laid eyes on me.
Boomer: So why not use her advances as a way to piss off Butch Parker?
* He says while pouring himself a shot of whiskey into a small glass *
Michael James: It’s simple. I’m not into bestiality.
* His comment causes Boomer to choke on his whiskey shot and damn near perform a spit take on the sound board. He covers his mouth to avoid spilling the liquor *
Michael James: Wisdom Parker is a disgusting, disease inflicted example of what happens when you try to turn double penetration into a damn profession. Not only that, but she’s also a ####ing racist.
Eddie: That sounds like a pretty serious accusation to me, James.
Michael James: You don’t have to believe me if you don’t want to, Eddie. If you need proof all you have to do is check out some of the material she cut against me when I first arrived in the company. Wisdom can try to deny the truth as much as she wants but it’s kind of hard to ignore it when the shit is listed in the company archives.
* Eddie directs his attention towards a laptop computer and goes to the HWA website. He clicks on the promotional section at the top of the page and begins to browse through some of the archives. He finds a promo titled “Dear Michael James: Shut the #### Up” and turns up the audio on his speakers. After listening to two minutes of Wisdom’s childish rant filled with racist slurs he closes the promo and exits the website *
Eddie: Wow. That chick is a piece of work, James.
* Boomer scoffs *
Boomer: She sounds like a ####ing idiot if you asked me.
* James and Boomer share a laugh at the expense of Wisdom Parker *
Michael James: Trust me. You have NO idea. You wanna know something else? You’re right. She is a ####ing idiot. Otherwise, why did she have to try to use racism as a means to get under my skin? It’s not that hard to figure out. Just like her dopey ass husband, Wisdom Parker is not an intelligent person. When she has nothing else to say she responds the only way she knows how and unfortunately for Wisdom it isn’t developed with a sudden stroke of genius. I have a feeling her stupidity has rubbed off on Butch in more ways than he can imagine. It might not be fair to him since it’s eventually going to cost Butch the world championship but that’s just how some things are meant to be. You can make the best of life and learn how to breed success or you can produce unavoidable failure like Bryan Deas and Butch Parker.
Eddie: Well I don’t want to take sides but trying to compete with a shattered knee isn’t what I would call a responsible career move.
Michael James: Exactly. The only reason he thought he could pull it off is because Bryan Deas isn’t a responsible person. He’s a mindless dipshit incapable of comprehending common sense. You guys need to understand something. I’m the only undefeated champion in the company for a reason. You see, it didn’t take me four years to fight my way back to glory because I never lost a ####ing thing. Unlike Parker and the assholes of yesteryear, no one can take the All Star Championship from me. No one can tarnish my impeccable record. You know why? I don’t lose. I can’t grasp the idea of fighting a war just to end up with nothing to show for it. People don’t want to believe the things I say because they don’t like accepting the truth. Wisdom can say she isn’t a bigot but her words and actions prove otherwise. Butch can say my presence means nothing to him but if that was the case why does cling to my material like maggots to a rotting corpse?
Boomer: Are these two undergoing any kind of psychiatric therapy that you know of?
Michael James: If they are its news to me.
Boomer: You might want to make a suggestion about it the next time you see one of them. They could definitely use it.
Michael James: I’ll keep that in mind, Boomer. Meanwhile, I just want to get this next card out of the way so I can focus on bigger and better things.
Eddie: Such as?
Michael James: In a few weeks the HWA will be holding a pay-per-view event titled Road to Ruin. Shevington already stated that she is forcing defenses for every championship in the company and that includes my All Star Title. I have a handful of undeserving assholes gunning for it and none of them seem to be worth five seconds of my time.
Boomer: Are these the same guys that will be a part of the battle royal you’re scheduled to referee at the next show?
Michael James: Yea.
* He says with a frustrated tone *
Michael James: To be honest with you I really don’t mind the work detail. I’ve called hundreds of matches throughout my career and this one won’t be any different.
Eddie: So the fact that all of these men are going to fighting each other for a shot at your championship means nothing to you?
Michael James: It’s irrelevant. Sure, it’s good to give them a prize of some kind worth fighting for. In this case the prize just happens to be something that none of them are capable of earning. I already beat Freddie Styles and the rest of them are pretty much running on fumes at this point in their careers. If any one of them wanted to be the All Star Champion they would have done it long before I took it from Judas Mercury. But they didn’t do that because they aren’t championship material. They’re mid card shit and that’s the best they will ever be. Is it my fault people like Freddie Styles and Steve Angel are incapable of making it past their own limitations? Of course not. The only person I am responsible for is Michael James so I could care less what happens to anyone in this battle royal. People that know me well will tell you that I’m a man of my word. I’m going to call this match down the middle like I always have. If Fallen tries to get in my face or question my decisions he’s going to suffer the same fate he experienced the last time he crossed me.
Boomer: What happened?
* James laughs for a second before replying *
Michael James: I kicked him in the mouth with so much force it knocked his ass clear out of the ring. But that’s what happens when you try to #### with something you don’t understand. Fallen has been running his mouth for weeks with the same bullshit and everyone is sick of hearing it. Do you guys remember how Einstein defined the concept of insanity?
Boomer: I know I do. I can’t speak for Eddie. He’s from Little Rock where they don’t condone books or reading.
Michael James: He said “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results”. That’s exactly what Steve Angel has been doing from the very beginning. And don’t get me wrong, Eddie. The guy is mentally defected so I’m not judging Fallen for faults that come natural to him. What I’m judging him for is his overall personality and inability to produce material past the mind frame of a 3 year old. And just last week I cut the asshole a break by challenging him to a match at the pay-per-view.
Boomer: Did he accept it?
Michael James: Hell if I know. He replied with one of his routine rants filled with the usual bullshit. Instead of actually accepting the terms of the match he started talking about how “tough” he is. How many matches he has been through and how much better he is than me for having a few scars on his rectum. Like I told you guys Fallen is not right in the head. And I don’t mean that in a good way. I have always encouraged violent and sadist creativity. Fallen is at the point where his mental state is making him a risk for everyone else in the HWA. Do you guys really think I want to be held responsible for the annihilation of a naturally born imbecile? I might be an asshole but I have always held high regards for the mentally challenged. In this case I really have no choice but to do what has to be done. If Fallen wants to keep drooling at the mouth talking about things that only make sense to him then it’s none of my concern. He isn’t going to win this battle royal and he isn’t going to win the All Star Championship. I would be better off facing Freddie Styles. At least that way I could be presented with a serious challenge instead of a mentally defective broken record. Fallen could have accepted the stipulation I gave him but no one will ever know except for him. I don’t speak idiot so we may need to hire a translator just for Steve Angel. All I hear from him is blah, blah, blah…Michael Dredge…blah, blah, blah…All “Stars” Title. Who gives a shit?
* Boomer is seen browsing the internet on Eddie’s laptop *
Boomer: I’m looking at some of his work as we speak.
Michael James: I hope you like migraine headaches.
Boomer: You’re right about the guy being a broken record. It’s basically him talking about the same tired shit in different locations.
Michael James: But do you see what I’m talking about with his material?
Boomer: Yea, I can definitely see where you’re coming from. I’m surprised they would allow this guy to perform inside of a ring.
Michael James: Well we all know who is to blame there, don’t we?
* James and Boomer look across at one another *
Michael James: Shevington.
* James and Boomer nod at one another with cynical expressions *
Eddie: I hate to change the subject but I’m interested in this Claus guy they have teamed with Butch Parker for your match on Havoc. What do you know about him?
Michael James: Other than the fact that he’s straight out of the loony bin, not much. Personally, I think he’s a pedophile. Why else would he spend his entire life writing letters back and forth with children from broken homes and dysfunctional families? I studied the case of John Wayne Gacy until it made me want to vomit and that’s exactly how I feel about this asshole. If Claus wants to be taken seriously in this business he knows what he has to do. Take off the beard, the coat and the bullshit persona of something he knows he will never be. But he isn’t going to do that because it’s like I said before. He’s ####ing batshit crazy. He’s a clown in the HWA that will never be granted the chance at a championship of any kind. You know why?
Boomer: Because he’s ####ing crazy?
Michael James: Well, yea. But other than that it’s because Shevington doesn’t want to see a ####ing child molester representing the company. And I don’t blame her in the slightest. I wouldn’t want a pedophile representing my company because it’s bad for business. Just like this Claus douche bag is bad for the HWA. Pushing the envelope for a chance at exposure is one thing but this guy takes things to a place where we don’t want to be. The fans want their usual dose of blood, violence and vulgarity as much as the next person. But when it comes to the question of their children’s safety they don’t #### around. They won’t want to have anything to do with the show or the company if that asshole is allowed to continue his reign of unnecessary sodomy. I don’t know about everyone else but I like getting paid to be a champion. I enjoy being compensated for the things I do in the HWA. So excuse the #### out of me for not accepting this son of a b###h as my equal. Pardon me for wanting to be rid of someone whose ideas and actions that could cause the immediate dismissal of the company. I’ve seen Dateline NBC so I know how these things go down. Claus is a virus and he only has one thing in mind. But you know what? I won’t allow that to happen. Even his appointed partner Butch Parker, the man who would rather see me dead than a world champion, won’t allow it to happen. Do you know what that means?
Eddie: No. But I’m sure you’re going to tell us.
Michael James: It means Claus won’t be in a part of the company after this match is over. He may be placed there as a distraction but he’s going to end up leaving on his ####ing back. I’ll make sure of that even if I have to break his legs like I did to Bryan Deas.
Eddie: Alright listeners we’re going to take a quick music break but when we come back we’ll have more Brain Dead Broadcasting for you with our special guest, Michael James.
* Eddie reaches forward and switches over the main control on the sound board and the “On The Air” light powers down. A static feed interrupts the promo. A few seconds later the white noise clears from the image. A full frame view of the HWA All Star Championship is seen resting on a flat surface. A hand reaches down and picks up the title. The cameras cut to a long shot to show Michael James standing in front of the desk inside of his personal office. He turns towards around and faces the camera while holding the All Star Championship with both hands *
Michael James: In the HWA, there are a limited amount of people I feel that are worthy of competing for my championship. Steve Angel is not one of those people. Freddie Styles on the other hand, is a man I would consider as valuable competition. He gave me the fight of his life that damn near cost me a victory in the process. So far he has been the only person to prove his worth to me without a shadow of a doubt. Butch Parker has done nothing but spouted disrespect and bullshit. Fallen has attempted to do the same thing and failed miserably due to his inability to comprehend the English language. Styles did better than both of them. He approached me like a professional and gave me a quality performance. Granted, it wasn’t enough to get the job done but let’s face facts here. The guy is good at what he does but he is far from being perfect. If anyone deserves a shot at my championship, it’s him. Not some mentally challenged douche bag trying to claim arrogance for things he will never accomplish. You see Fallen, unlike you, Styles is a champion. You can say whatever you want about him but the fact is he has the gold and you don’t. He has my respect and you don’t. You just need to face facts, Steve. Freddie Styles is better than you. But then again, that isn’t very hard to do. A retarded monkey with down syndrome could produce better material than Fallen so don’t get the wrong idea here, Styles. This isn’t an invitation. It’s an evaluation of your character and your abilities. If you happen to win this battle royal and earn a shot at my title just keep one thing in mind. The All Star Championship isn’t going anywhere. I beat you once before so doing it against in front of a pay-per-view audience won’t be a problem for me.
* He says with apparent confidence in his voice. He drapes the All Star Championship over his shoulder and takes a few steps forward *
Michael James: You aren’t the only one who wants a shot at this championship. There are five contestants in this match so you’re going to have to eliminate the fold before you try to accomplish the impossible. Obviously, Bryan Deas and Fallen will be a walk in the park but what about the child molester and your partner in crime? Despite what you want to believe, none of these guys are going to lay down for you. They want the same thing you do so you’re going to be in for a surprise if you enter this confrontation with your usual approach. It didn’t help you when you lost to me and it isn’t going to help you here, either. You can say you’re better than these assholes until you’re blue in the face, Freddie. None of it will mean a ####ing thing until you prove those words to be true. I told everyone I was going to add your name to my list of accomplishments and that’s exactly what I did. I told people I was a better champion than you and what happened? You lost, Styles. Not only did you lose the match but you made a complete ass out of yourself in the process. Is that the kind of champion you want to be? If that’s true you might as well just hand your title over to me and allow someone with some actual credibility to represent the tag team division. Otherwise, you need to start living up to these claims of greatness we keep hearing about. I don’t think you can do it, Styles. As a matter of fact, I think you’re a ####ing fraud.
* He inches closer towards the camera and glares into the lens with sheer intensity *
Michael James: You can’t bullshit your way past me, asshole. Others have tried and every last one of them ended up with the same fate as you. I would be lying if I said I didn’t hold a high opinion of my own capabilities. The truth is I have always been the way I am for a number of reasons. Some of it stems from my bitter experience with people’s judgment of my cultural orientation. Some of it comes from my natural ability to achieve success the only way I see fit. So yes, I do have a high opinion of myself. You want to know why? It’s because I have ####ing earned it. No one has been able to knock me off the top of the mountain and that isn’t going to change at Road to Ruin. I’m ready for anything and anyone they want to throw at me. You want to know what I see when I look at the lineup for this battle royal? I see history repeating itself. I see Bryan Deas, Claus, Fallen and the Tag Team Champions starting a long trip down the road to ####ing nowhere. That’s exactly where this victory is going to lead them. But you know what? It should be fun to watch none the less. And yes, I know what you’re asking. Is that because I enjoy the misery of other people? Who knows. It’s possible. I had a hell of a good time watching Bryan Deas bleed out like a stuck pig. Maybe I’m not such a nice guy after all.
* James covers the camera lens with his hand and the promo cuts to a static feed *
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