“Ladies and gentlemen of the local media, and those watching this on a later telecast…”
The Mayor is interrupted by hand being held in front of his face, the hand belonging to Stu-E Price.
“Finally! The Price is in front of the local media here in Hawaii with the right honourable gentleman, the Mayor of this big rock! Since Havoc, my phone has been ringing off the hook, my twitter feed has been exploding and my face book page has been, whatever a face book pages does when it gets busy!
I stand here with my hand in front of the Mayor’s face because he doesn’t need to dish out pleasantries on my accord, oh no he doesn’t. Because I’m the guy that has the reasons, the excuses and the story. It doesn’t matter what anybody thinks, the only person you need to speak to is right here.
Yes it’s true, I hired a helicopter for a recent wrestling show and proceeded to fly over an active volcano and dump some tin and a touch of leather in to it, why did I do such a thing? Because it’s original, it’s new, it’s created a buzz, it was… heh… priceless. But since it’s happened, I’ve been racked with guilt about the example I was setting to the fans watching, and maybe the possibility that good old’ Miss Shevington had another sleepless night.
So I came here, the offices of the Mayor to work all this out and sooth the impact of my actions. You see, I’m proud to be an upstanding citizen, not just of the United Kingdom but of the World. It’s my opinion that we all have a responsibility to protect the environment in any way we can. When I was flying towards that damn volcano I wasn’t thinking straight, and I can only apologise.”
The Mayor, still standing there with Stu-E’s hand in his face takes a step to the side, Price notices and shifts his arm in the same direction.
“When those title belts sank in to the volcano and melted away, I had forgotten for a brief moment that they’d been held by Heckler and Kosh, strapped around their waste for too many days. The stench that rose up, the poisonous gasses that escaped up in to the atmosphere made me think… the environment didn’t deserve to be fouled by the essence of Heckler and Kosh!
Al Gore would have been rolling in his grave, if he knew anything about it….. And was dead; it really was that serious. So you’ll be glad to know that I have made a donation to Hawaii, I donated twenty thousand dollars on behalf of Miss Shevington to the Mayor to aid in his next election campaign, and for my bit I’ve just bought seventy thousand masks for the school children to wear in school to protect them from the unGodly essence of Heckler and Kosh. In case you’re wondering what they look like, google China and SARS and you’ll get the picture… although I got a sweet deal on them, no strings attached.
So with that being said, it brings an end to the international incident I’ve found myself in. I hope you all tune in to Havoc again, you’ll see me in the middle of the ring against Michael Kosh, one half of the bastards responsible for the kids of Hawaii today facing breathing problems. I thank you for your time, and as usual; no further questions.”
Stu-E finally lets his arm drop, gives the Mayor a cuddle and walks off, leaving everyone bemused.
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