Into view of the camera walks Tobias.
In one hand is a wire notepad, though that soon disappears from view as he walks up to the camera.
Without any preamble, he gets to it.
(Tobias): So you’d like to explain yourself ? I should bloody well hope so! Only issue is, you’ve not.
See, all I heard there monkey man was ‘waah, my rodents got loose and I got angry’ and then you took it out on me!
You think that being signed to the roster somehow insulates you from assaulting me before you put pen to paper? Heads up buddy, no it f*cking doesn’t. I’ll be speaking to management about this alright. I’m well within my rights to file charges.
Next up. I talk a ‘big game’ do I? Newsflash buddy, I back it up. Too scared? Bullsh*t. Afraid to fight someone my own size?
It’s a shrill mocking laugh that follows, Tobias’s head tilting back as he erupts.
(Tobias): Lift your eyes up from the gutter or wherever they were trying to find your vermin buddy, you’ll have seen me take on Jasper and beat him.
The look of sheer and utter disgust is evident.
He gives a brief pause, before relaxing somewhat, as if accepting what he’s about to say next and that it should be obvious to everyone.
(Tobias): Let’s leave aside the fact he didn’t know how to use his height and weight advantage, your argument there, hah, falls down.
As for picking on someone. Monkey, I pick on everyone who isn’t up to snuff. Maybe put down the binoculars and you’ll see the wider picture, rather than shooting off on that narrow view you have, ‘kay?
As for this, ’I could forgive all that with what you did there’, buddy, keep control of your vermin, that’s on you! If you’re still scrabbling around trying to find them hours after you should be away home, it just shows how pathetically inept you are.
Another brief pause, Tobias pulling out that pad of paper with a pen stuff between the wires binding it.
Pulling out the pen, he starts ticking off some boxes on it, muttering away.
(Tobias): Tell him he’s inept… done…
He ticks a box.
(Tobias): His name is Wolfy…
A gargled hiss of laughter escapes Tobias, as he simply scrawls through that line a few times.
(Tobias): Bwahaha, no, just no…
Another glance down at the pad.
(Tobias): What else is he saying…? Ah…
He clears his throat loudly and obnoxiously, affecting a very pronounced accent as if reading a news bulletin, clearly pronouncing every word.
(Tobias): And I quote, “I'll show you an animal. I'll show you an animal more powerful and more venomous than any critter you ever heard of, or even had nightmares about, an animal that can't be put to sleep with a thousand tranquilizers. because that animal runs through me, through my soul, and I have no problem letting him out.”
The pad of paper is dropped along with the pen to the floor.
(Tobias): Urgh. Oh lord, spare me Monkey, what a crock of sh*t. What else are you going to find down in that swamp of yours, Paul Bearer? Does your theme music have the sound of church bells to go along with the banjo music and screams of animals? Spare me the foreboding claptrap buddy.
Since I’m still waiting on that old bastard Draconis getting back to me after I challenged him, sure, why not, I can waste 5 minutes of my time dealing with you.
One thing first though.
He looks at the screen, eyes moving fractionally up and down as if judging you, yes you, the viewer.
(Tobias): Wash. You’ve been in a swamp man, you smelled bad enough at Havoc that I had to have my gear cleaned twice.
Another look of disgust as he pushes the camera away, the scene fading to black.
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