The Animals
Posted by Wolfy
on April 4, 2024, 1:23 am
Scene opens. We see old footage of Tobias Clarke while we hear an Australian animal documentary narrator voice speaking. (Narrator): Here we have a Lazy Butt Goblin a cousin to the squirrel monkey, and what we thought a teenage girl. However after more studies scientists discovered the Lazy Butt Goblin isn't just the cousin of the teenage girl but more specifically the dumb blonde. Scientists thought it was possible originally with the lack of intelligence of the Lazy Butt Goblin, with even carrying a notebook everywhere to remember even the most basic promos. However Scientists wasn't for certain until the discovery of this image. This image then shows up in front of the screen. (Narrator): It turns out the Lazy Butt Goblin is such a dumb blonde he tried to drown a fish as well. A warning broadcast sound for an amber alert is suddenly made and this image goes infront of the screen. (Warning broadcaster narrator): There is an Amber alert for Skinky Skank. Maniac is very worried and calling people about her whereabouts. If you spot the Skinky Skank please contact Maniac. The Skinky Skank 5'8 in height, and smells like a crappy toilet on a fishing boat. The Skinky Skank is filled with so many diseases that this is one test to make sure that you are dealing with the Skinky Skank. This clip then plays infront of the screen.
?si=tqhtM-qGhomijP-p ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Off camera. Wolfy is in a therapist office sitting on a couch in front of a therapist. Wolfy has his bearded dragon named Cannon on his shoulder and he looks bothered as if he doesn't wanna be there. (Therapist): It's nice to meet you Mr. Hoff. We are here because your loved one, and even your workers demanded you see me. (Wolfy): Please call me Wolfy bud. Wolfy sounds better than my name Chris Hoff. Chris Hoff Piss off. Haha (Therapist): Alright well Wolfy... Let's get right into it. Why have you been speaking to animals lately? (Wolfy): Come on bud! We all talked to our animals being a goof. We all said to our pets hey if you speak English to me I'll keep it a secret for you! (Therapist): Yes but you were talking to them for hours according to your loved one. Talking to them as they speak back. Your loved one said one day you spoke to a crocodile for 8 hours. So tell me Wolfy why are you speaking to the animals? (Wolfy): I understand them... (Therapist): Like you understand their body language? (Wolfy): Yeah bees speak by dance! One time I was break dancing with a bee and got stung right in the eye! (Therapist): Wolfy enough! I know you're hiding things. I know you're hiding behind a sense of humor. I've had many clients do the same, you're scared and don't want to reveal yourself. You don't have to here. Anything said here by law can't leave this room. So please talk to me (Wolfy): Nothing leaves this room? (Therapist): Nothing. I promise. Now why are you speaking to the animals? (Wolfy): I have this thing. It gives me the ability to speak to them. To understand them as if it was a human speaking English to me or using hand sign language. (Therapist): This thing? You referring to the animal inside you that you speak of time to time? (Wolfy): Yeah bud. Well kinda, it's millions of animals of millions of species. So many I can't count, and they're not always inside me. However they're always around me. I see them all the time. They taught me everything I know (Therapist): Is this why you got into zoology? (Wolfy): Yes that and I understand the animals, and I sympathize them. We grow up in a world of bullies and people who attack simply because we don't understand ones who are different. Just like animals the ones I fear most are humans. Growing up I had to defend my brother for being different from bullies I had to defend myself. There were plenty of rumors about me because instead of going out partying like the rest of the teenagers. I wasn't getting drunk or getting high finding people to sleep around with, I was out in the woods looking for new critters to discover. Animals deal with the same stuff. They're constantly abused by humans. Their habitats get taken over constantly, like a kid getting his lunch money taken away. People even dump their trash into their homes without the slightest of sympathy. People look at my bearded dragon and call him evil despite the fact my bearded dragon has never bit anyone including me since the day I got him, just because he's different. (Therapist): Is there any down side to these spirits? (Wolfy): They're constantly hungry for a hunt. Just like a cat it's so ingrained into their DNA to hunt for survival they crave the hunt despite no longer needing to because we feed them. They'll kill a mouse and just leave it. So despite these spirits not needing to eat they're hungry for a hunt. I use to do some basement fight nights, now I'm part of HWA, because they need to eat. HWA thinks I've only wrestled animals to rescue them but they're wrong. I've in secret hunted plenty of times before and I've destroyed careers doing it... (Therapist): What makes you believe you're being haunted and possessed by these spirits? (Wolfy): Well bud... Let's just say in my family me and my brother, we were the normal ones. Scene ends.
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