Posted by sass on November 19, 2007, 4:32 pm
A duck walks into a job center and says to the man behind the desk 'Excuse me; I'm looking for a job. Can you help?'
The man can't believe it and replies 'hold on minute sir, I'll make some enquiries for you'....the man then phones up a showbiz agency and explains that there's this amazing talking duck wanting a job and could the agent find him work in a show somewhere. Obviously the agent is excited and has no problem in finding a show for the duck.
The man goes back to the duck and says 'Good news sir, I've found you job in show business'
With this the duck replies 'That’s no good, I'm a plumber'
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As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap! - Against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.
The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"
The owner responds, "Genius, no way! It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
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A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing? “The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize. “How?" asks the man, puzzled. “Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."
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Harry asked his wife: Did your leave a tip for the boy who delivers our paper?
His wife replies: Yes, dear. I put some of it in the bushes, some of it on the roof, and some of it in the front yard.
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