Posted by childless on May 9, 2008, 11:24 am
For those with No children - this is totally hysterical! For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them withroller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowdedrestaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strongenough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Supermancape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spreadpaint on all Four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. Whenusing a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few timesbefore you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hitby a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's alreadytoo late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-yearold.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you stillcan't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials showthey do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do notlike ovens.
20.) The fire department in La Mesa, CA (next to San Diego) has a5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthwormsdizzy .
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade-true story: Oneday the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three LittlePigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the firstpig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. Sheread,"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full ofstraw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw tobuild my house?' The teacher paused, then asked the class,"...And whatdo you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "Ithink he said 'Holy crap! A talking pig!" The teacher was unable toteach for the next 10 minutes.
25.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brakefluid.
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