The screen is black for several moments, then white text fades-in, reading:

"This infomercial performed and paid-for by The Main Event."

Scene fades-in to show AC James standing in a studio, dressed in suit and tie, his hair slicked-back, black-rimmed glasses on, a s**t-eating grin spread across his face.

On the other side of the screen stands Eddie, white shirt tucked into suit-pants, his hair combed to the side, a grin on his face too.

Between the pair stands Veronique, dressed in a slinky black dress, a small table in front of her with a box sitting on top of it.

"Welcome viewers, from The Main Event." James begins, "Today, we're here to present a special offer, exclusive to a pair of VERY special individuals."

"The....." Veronique says sensually, taking a breath and running a hand down her neck then over her chest, "......Softcore.....Icons."

"That's right!" James exclaims, "Challengers for the HWA Tag-Team Titles at Road to Ruin. Hailing from Limpdick, Idaho, this pair will be looking to take-home tag-team gold. But before we get to that, we'd like to present our special offer....."

James looks over to Eddie, who's still standing there, grinning like an idiot.

"That's right, AC!!" Eddie suddenly blurts-out, snapping out of his trance, "For the two men who we'll be making our b1tches at the next PPV, we've got this little bundle of goodies to help.......soften the blow dealt by their forthcoming loss."

James and Eddie turn in an almost wooden-fashion to face the table between them.

"So......what do we have here, Ed?" James asks, gesturing to the box.

"Here, AC, we've got a bundle of goodies." Eddie replies.

"Ah, but what's IN the bundle of goodies, Ed?" James asks.

"Many things." Eddie replies, then reaches into the box, "Like......this box of tissues!"

"Tissues?" James queries.

"Indeed, AC. Tissues." Eddie continues, "Just the remedy for all those tears our two opponents at the PPV will be shedding when their plans don't work-out."

"Wow." James mockingly exclaims, "That really IS a brilliant gift idea!"

"Oh, but that's not all, AC." Eddie says, raising a finger to stop James.

James looks to the camera, his jaw dropping.

"It's NOT?!" James says in faux-shock.

"Oh no." Eddies says, shaking his head, "Not by a long-shot. We've also got....."

Eddie reaches into the box and pulls out an ice-pack and bandages, holding them up proudly.

".....some MORE after-match goodies, to ease the pain our opponents will be feeling." Eddie continues, "The ice for all those little boo-boos they'll be feeling, and the bandages for all the scars their thin-skins will be bearing."

"Wow, Ed." James says, again feigning shock as he looks to the camera, "That's INCREDIBLE!"

"Oh, but there's MORE." Eddie says, over-emphasising the 'more', "We've also got this cute little pair of replica HWA Tag-Team Titles!"

Eddie produces a pair of children's toy HWA Tag-Team Titles.

"Perfect for kids AND punk-a$$ whining losers." Eddie says with a cheesy grin.

"Oh my god, Ed." James says, emotionlessly, "Can this deal get ANY better?"

"Oh, it can AC." Eddie replies, nodding in a wooden fashion, "You bet your Canadian-a$$ it can. We've also got these INCREDIBLE vouchers!"

Eddie produces a pair of vouchers from the box.

"Vouchers? Wow!" James says, ".....what are they for?"

"These two vouchers entitle the holders to a FREE, that's right, I said FREE.....second shot at an a$$-kicking at the time of their choice!!" Eddie says, gushing in an over-the-top fashion, "Because nothing says 'second chances' like being a loser!"

"Oh. My. God.......Eddie." James says in wooden mock-shock, "This has GOT to be the best offer two future-losers could ever have! That said, with all this brilliant value in one package, it HAS to cost a fortune."

"Hold on, AC. Hold on." Eddie cuts-in, raising a hand, "That's not all....."

James looks to the camera, making an 'oh' face, mockingly slapping a hand against his face.

"....we've also got......this set of brilliant......Ginsu Steak-knives!!" Eddie exclaims, then looks around the set, nodding, looking slightly demented.

"Oh. My......" James begins, then stops and looks down, "OHMYGOD!!"

James points to his pants.

"This deal is so UNBELIEVABLE......I think I just came in my pants!!" James exclaims, his mouth wide and arms outstretched.

"Well, AC......" Eddie responds, smiling and nodding, "......this kind of deal DOES tend to do that to people. In fact, I think I just did a trickle of pee!"

"OHMYGOD, Eddie!" James exclaims, "This is incredible!"

"I'm not sure your dry-cleaner will be saying that, AC." Eddies says with a smile and shake of his head.

"But....." James cuts-in, putting his hands on his hips, shakes and sighs, "....it MUST cost a fortune."

"No way, AC!" Eddie says, almost exploding with excitement, "Quite the opposite! It's completely FREE!!!"

"EEK!" James responds, covering his groin.

"That's right! Absolutely FREE!!" Eddie exclaims.

James merely collapses to the floor. Eddie and Veronique stand there, looking down at James, as if lost.

"Umm...." Veronique says, breaking the brief silence, "....sooooo......"

"How much does it cost!" Eddie whispers not-so-quietly from behind his hand.

"Oh. OH!" Veronique says, getting her head around it all, "How MUCH does it cost?"

"That's the kicker, V!!" Eddie shouts, looking like he's about to burst out of his skin, "Not a motherf**king THING!!"

The camera zooms-in on Veronique's face as she slaps both hands against her face, making the 'oh' face in mock-shock.

"All Deas and Maniac have to do is bring their worthless a$$es down to that ring, and WE'LL do the rest!! How's that sound??" Eddie says, the veins in his temples throbbing with excitement.

James suddenly bounces to his feet, looking spritely and awake.

"Absolutely BRILLIANT!!" James exclaims, "So come on down to the ring at Road to Ruin and book your 'You're a pair of b1tch-a$$ losers' bundle!! It's that f**king simple!"

AC and Eddie suddenly break-out in dance as "Happy Happy, Joy Joy" by Ren and Stimpy begins to play.

Scene fades-out.