HWA Message Board: This Is Goodbye

Days after Havoc Wisdom is back home in Santa Barbara, California. Her beautiful beach house, beginning to feel the chill of summer releasing itself to Fall, only to her it feels more like winter. The lights are out in the house, and she dumps her luggage on the floor at the door walking straight over to the bar, pouring herself a vodka-tonic. She grabs a few ice cubes from the small fridge below and drops them in her glass, then takes a seat on the sofa. She leans her head back, her hands nearly trembling as if she can still feel her grasp in Minerva. She squeezes down on the glass and realizes she might break it if she persists. Taking a swig of her drink she tries to shake her head of the thoughts from Havoc. Minerva weeks ago flaunting her engagement to Butch and now her pregnancy revealed. Wisdom thinks back years ago…five to be exact when the same topic of discussion was on the table between her and Butch.

The memories clear in her mind replay….

Butch Parker seen is sitting in a dark and empty hotel, several hours after Forbidden has closed. He is sitting on the edge of the single bed in the one room, with his head hung low and his fists tightly clenched. Suddenly, the ringing of his cell phone snaps him to attention. Butch takes the vibrating phone out of his pocket and looks at the screen to see "Wisdom Cell". He sighs deeply and answers.

(Butch): What do you want?

(Wisdom): I want to talk to you, we need to talk.

(Butch): What do you want to say?

(Wisdom): I know you must hate me right now, but I never meant to hurt you like this Butch. I never intended for this to happen this way.

(Butch): What the fuk did you expect? Do you expect me to hug you and say "Oh no worries, everything's okay!"

(Wisdom): Of course not, I don't know what I expected...I didn't expect anything, you were never supposed to even know Butch. I thought it was for the best.

(Butch): You thought it was for the best for me to not to know about my own kid?

(Wisdom): wasn't sure about us. You've been so consumed the last few months with work and your obsession with Hans that you push me aside. Do you think brining a baby into the mix would have made it any better? I mean for Christ sakes Butch, think about it.

(Butch): I deserved to fuking know! It's my fuking kid! I don't give a shyt about anything else! You selfish, selfish b###h!

(Wisdom): That's the problem, you don't give a shyt about anything else. And you started to not give a shyt about me. You get so wrapped up in whatever your doing and it's all about you, you, you! You expect me to play little miss housewife and keep a smile on and make babies putting my career on the line while you get to do whatever you damn well please?

(Butch): All I asked for is a little fuking honesty!

(Wisdom): What difference would have made Butch...really? The problems where still there, why add to them?

(Butch): We could have discussed it properly like adults, it would have taken ultimate priority and we could have made a sensible arrangement as a fuking couple!

(Wisdom): I couldn't discuss anything with you in any capacity. A few weeks ago in the gym you were working out and I'm calling your name a million times and have to shake you before you snap out of your god damn zone before you even know I'm there.

(Butch): Don't you fuking turn this around on me!

(Wisdom): Oh, so it's all my fault then, let's blame Wisdom for every damn thing wrong in this relationship.

(Butch): You're the one that aborted OUR child behind MY back!

(Wisdom): Don't be so sure of yourself Butch, you were hardly there during conception anyway. You eat, sleep and breathe this industry, you probably thought you were rubbing your dick up against the World Title instead of me.

(Butch): Fuk you! Come near me again, and there'll be a Rampant Lion with your name on it!

(Wisdom): I love you Butch, but I love myself more. I did what I had to do to protect me, and if you don't see that then I'm sorry. It wasn't easy for me, don't think for a moment that it was.

(Butch): Fuk you. Fuk you all the way to hell!

With that, Butch throws his cell phone across the room, shattering it into hundreds of pieces as it smashes against a wall, and the scene fades to black.>

Tears are silently falling down her face and she takes another sip of her drink as if to flush out the memory.

(Wisdom): I should have paid more attention then. Your selfishness never ceased. It was always about you. You never wanted me, you wanted a woman just like Minerva, someone at your beck-and-call. Someone who asks no questions and hangs on your arm like as if you are her very life-support. Someone that keeps her mouth shut. Someone for your to fuk, play the good girl and bare your children. I was trying to protect you from the horrible truth. I tried to shield you from knowing that it was Dredge’s child I carried. It would have ruined you then. You would have gone to war with him like no two men have ever done and probably killed each other. Blind rage would have consumed you and you would have given in to its flames.

Yet I stayed beside you. I always had faith in you, and in us. I was blinded by love and didn’t allow myself to see the real you. All these years. Last year you sided with Dredge against my wishes, becoming friends and partners for a while, now you’ve even done far worse and stand beside the essence of evil himself…Senester. He’s ruined everything he touches Butch…everything. Everything and everyone he lays eyes upon falls to his demonic torments and you walk with him. We weren’t always estranged though. Even if they were only pretend, even if they were never real for us both…in my mind we’ve had happier times.

Wisdom thinks of a happy occasion with Butch…the many times they’ve trained in this very house. Sweating it out in the private gym as he showed her how to wrestle submission where she even learned to hold her own a little against him. The amazing sex they would have afterwards, their bodies already heated and lusting for more. She opens her eyes shutting the memories out and chugs the rest of her drink before throwing the glass against the wall and screaming, pulling at her hair.

(Wisdom): You made me love you. You made me believe you loved me. You made me weak. I was such a bytch before I met you. Love was never for me, but you looked at me and penetrated my defenses. You broke down all my walls where others had failed miserably. Why you? Why did I crave you so? Why did I have to have you? At Havoc Butch this isn’t a match, it is a goodbye. Let’s be honest. I cannot beat you. You’re bigger, stronger and more skilled than me. But in-between the time the bell rings to start the match and rings again to end it…I will fight back, and I will give you a run for your money until you put me down. One last Rampant Lion Butch, one more Tartan Army Charge…one more move from your arsenal and it is done. I will make you do it. I will make you hurt me even if for some reason you hesitate. I will force you to break me. This is the only way Butch. You’ve broken my heart, you’ve broken my spirit and my dreams, now you must break my body so I can pull all the pieces back together.

I’m going to fight you at Havoc Butch Parker, and I will draw your fury. I will take emerald stare one last time and feel its fire upon me. And you…what will you feel? I may not break you, but I will hurt you. I will wound you. I will give you an eternal scar to remember me by before we go our separate ways. This could very well be the last match of my career Butch. I know that I will go down…I want to, and I will do it in a blaze of glory.

Wisdom curls up on the sofa in the darkness and falls asleep. Outside the sounds of the ocean crashing against the rocks her bedtime lullaby.