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Posted by Tobias Clarke
on July 29, 2024, 9:45 am
It’s moments after Tobias has exited the water, having survived the attempt on his life by Wolfy.
Around him, crowds of onlookers edge closer.
(Tobias): You see that? You see that?
He’s practically delirious with adrenaline coursing through him.
Pointing up towards where he’d seen Wolfy and then back to the churning waters where he’d emerged from, he’s like a mad man.
The people nearby him look to be torn between keeping their distance for safety and yet also ensuring he’s ok.
The fact that he’s holding that wrench still plays a part in this.
(Tobias): You! You there.
He gestures at one.
(Tobias): Get me a towel!
He flips his attention back to where Wolfy had been, not waiting to see if the person he’d just spoken to had acknowledged or was even likely to do what he’d just told them.
Shouting loudly in that direction, people take another step back.
(Tobias): You’d better run you little rat! This is the last straw!
The wrench is hurled at the ground, ricocheting off the concrete with a discordant ringing sound as it tumbles away to land a few meters from him.
Spying the following HWA camera crew, he turns his attention on them, throwing his arms out wide as he does so.
(Tobias): Where is management? Where is Butch and where is Wisdom? I have been assaulted! I have nearly drowned! I nearly died! What the f*ck are they going to do about it? Let me guess. Nothing.
He gets agitated. Understandable really, given he’d survived an attempted drowning at the hands of another wrestler.
The camera crew draw in closer, one of them handing a towel to Tobias who snatches it and runs it over his face and through his hair.
(Tobias): They’ll let that little prick just swan about and do another one of these “oh gather round kids and let’s finger blast some animals together shall we?” sessions that he just loooooves to do…
That last part is strung out, partly for dramatic effect. And partly as Tobias begins to cough up water.
The heaving and retching sends others nearby to cover their ears and look away, one or two looking like they’re fighting their own reactions to throw up.
(Tobias): When are they going to clamp down on this utter ####ing nonsense? When are they going to just stop signing anyone that walks in and says “I’d like to try that?” When are they going to stop going “Oh you’ve got a pulse, you’ll fit right in!”…
Another hacking cough brings up more water.
(Tobias): Just when are they going to protect the goddamn talent in this federation? I mean, judging by how long it took them to f*cking get Evian in my dressing room…
It’s a loaded pause.
He may look bedraggled and waterlogged, but the fury in his eyes is there for all to witness.
(Tobias): Look, I’m not Led Zeppelin, I’m not asking for brown M&M’s to be removed…
The half laugh that follows makes clear that such a request would be beneath him. The band too. Naturally.
(Tobias): All I want is cold Evian, fresh towels, a skilled masseuse on standby, not someone with hands like a gorilla for f*cks sake… and for people to knock three times on the bloody door. Is it too much to ask to also not have some unwashed vermin constantly trying to harass me like a ####ing tramp would some discarded food?!?!
I am the future of this company. Price is simply someone who fate smiled on and who lucked out while yours truly was having to carry Maniac through and then get ganged up on by people who don’t deserve to be here come ringside and show up. Who else is there? Sean is hiding in rafters and all pissy that he didn’t have Butch gift him the title. Newsflash Sean, you’re not Batman so get the f*ck down from there and secondly, if your uncle can’t keep me safe from that unwashed and rabies filled bast*rd, then how do you think he’s got time for you? You’re not the center of the universe buddy, suck it up.
That last part is said entirely without irony or any hint of introspection.
(Tobias): Hans is on his last legs and more concerned with being a dad… or snapping and going crazy… one or the other at this point… and Branson…
He pauses. Not to throw up more liquid, but to genuinely pause and consider.
(Tobias): Branson I actually like… he’s doing things now, finally… he’s progressing. That’s what I want to see. He’s had a fire lit under him and he’s showing that he deserves to be here. Don’t get me wrong, his form still sucks at times, he could stand to spend a little less time watching film and spending time practicing instead… but still…
It’s a look of ‘what can you do’ as he continues to towel himself.
Meanwhile, the ambulance has pulled up not far from them. The paramedics swinging the back doors open and prepping the gurney for use.
(Tobias): Today was a good day. Up until right now…
Another gesture towards the water from where he’d nearly been drowned.
(Tobias): Sure, it was a pathetic attempt at making tea and threatened not only my zen but my gut health… and that referee had no right to make me leave the ring… and that crowd, urgh…
That look of disgust, it’s practically his signature expression when you think about it.
(Tobias): So inbred… so so very inbred…
Behind him, the ambulance crew have sorted the gurney out.
(Tobias): And then I helped Flipper out. I mean, the Special Olympics are a few weeks away, and he’s the perfect candidate for the swimming team. I know he’s American and I’m Canadian, and I normally wouldn’t do it, but that Olympic ’spirit’ just has me rooting for him, y’know. Better use of time than doing that godawful podcast anyway…
Another hawking lungful of water escapes. Tobias livid with it as much as he is at the root cause of it.
(Tobias): And then I demonstrate my perfection in the ring by smashing another unsuitable person clogging up the roster. If Hoff has any sense, he’ll do what Draconis’s little brat did and just turn tail and go!
And then Maniac’s side b*tch, y’know, the one pretending to be a “journalist”...
Again, the air quotes are emphasized with his fingers.
(Tobias): … just not getting the f*cking hint and saying there’s another waste of space signing up…
He stops.
He’s actually fuming. The steam coming off him can’t all be explained by his body temperate and the wet clothing he’s in.
(Tobias): Y’know what, this night has f*cking sucked. What does Parker actually control? His bowels? Maybe. Jury’s out on that one. He’s absolutely not in control of his senses though! Another deadbeat? Just signed like that. Like that?
He stamps the ground in time with each of the words.
(Tobias): Just. Like. That. What’s. The. ####ing. Point.
He trails of with a curdled scream of torture/anguish/pain.
(Tobias): I don’t have the patience for this anymore.
As he goes scrabbling for the wrench, the paramedics are drawing up.
Lifting the wrench up, he points at the camera with it brandished threateningly.
(Tobias): Monkey you little sh*t. I will end you.
The paramedics are trying to intervene.
It’s frankly a mess now.
Tobias is full throated hurling abuse at the camera and at Wolfy. There’s lamentations on the state of his clothing and hair, statements made that would cause even the most well versed in the arts of torture to pause and go ‘what the hell man?’
The paramedics are trying to calm him down, they’re commenting on him being in a state of shock and that they want him to put the wrench down.
Someone from the camera crew is attempting to explain that he sometimes gets like this and that he’s not going to swing for them.
Some of the crowd are filming this, others are getting their loved ones out of sight.
It’s a frenzy.
There’s raised voices, Tobias mainly, until there isn’t.
Our scene ends as Tobias is lifted onto the gurney, having been injected with something by one of the paramedics. Head lolling around and drooling away, he’s carted off to the waiting ambulance.
End.
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