HWA Message Board: An Interview with a Competent Reporter

Open scene.

We’re in a small studio, one that’s familiar to any wrestling fan.

It’s the space in which Chris Van Vliet speaks to his guests and interviews them for all to consume.

And today is the day he has the most special guest in a very very very long time before him.

Chris starts to speak to the camera.

(Chris Van Vliet): Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another electrifying episode of “Insight with Chris Van Vliet”. Today, we have a special treat for all you wrestling fans out there. Joining us is a superstar who has taken the wrestling world by storm, known for his incredible in-ring skills, captivating… or intolerable persona depending on who’s asking. Not to mention many unforgettable moments this past year. Whether you love him or love to hate him, there's no denying his impact on the industry. Please welcome the one and only Tobias Clarke! Thanks for being here today.

Panning out, the camera reveals his guest, sitting across from him in the now familiar seat. Only his upper half is visible and even then, the light grey blazer he’s wearing covers the bandages he has on the arm that was thrust into the piranha pool, only a hint of them showing near his wrist.

(Tobias): You’re welcome Chris. And may I say, what a pleasure it is to be speaking to an interviewer who isn’t incompetent.

A smile forms, Chris not entirely sure how to respond immediately, but acting as neutral as can be.

(Chris Van Vliet): Thanks Tobias, erm… yeah.

(Tobias): Seriously, it’s the perfect encapsulation of the HWA. Their own internal talent can’t hack it, so they need to get someone from outside to do the job. Branson, Miller, Nepo-Prince… look at them now… so they get me.

He gestures in a lazy fashion towards Chris.

(Tobias): Then we have your good self versus Robbie Sterling… or whatever.

His head shakes slowly from side to side.

(Tobias): It’s night and day buddy, night and day.

Cracking another smile in response, Chris then gestures towards Tobias.

(Chris Van Vliet): How’s the arm healing?

Extending out his right arm, more of the bandages are revealed.

(Tobias): It could be better…

The nostrils arch up and a tug of one corner of the mouth illustrates his disdain.

(Tobias): They say that the wounds were precise, but as they didn’t have experience in working with animal wounds of this sort, I’ve needed to be referred to more specialists.

A small shudder.

(Tobias): And have even more vaccinations…
That groan of annoyance continues even as Chris responds.

(Chris Van Vliet): So more tests and such, yeah? What’s the timeline for this?

(Tobias): Buddy, f*ck knows.

The arm is extended again, revealing more of the bandages, Tobias’s own eyes focusing on them as he speaks.

(Tobias): If management had their head in the game and valued my safety, they’d have had doctors who knew what the f*ck they were doing on standby. It’s incompetence, sheer incompetence. They know how to organise a press conference, sure… but ask them to get a doctor who’s good at piranha bites when they’ve got f*cking piranhas involved in a match? Oh no…

The index finger of his right hand wags at Chris.

(Tobias): No, no that’s too much for them to do buddy.

Chris nods at this, too professional to do much else and knowing that Tobias is likely on a knife edge.

Tobias carries on, as he is wont to do.

(Tobias): And then they don’t even give me time to heal properly before throwing me into a match for the World title! It’s unbelievable, no care in the world for my physical wellbeing, but someone like the Nepo-Prince gets a toenail bent out of shape and the arms go around the shoulder and the…

He trails off, an ‘urgh’ escaping his lips as his hand dismissively waves away any further words on the topic.

Seeing his chance, Chris speaks up.

(Chris Van Vliet): Well that’s perfect timing Tobias, because we’ve got you on here as part of the build up to that final HWA show of the year. We’ve had a lot of talent…

A snort of derision comes from Tobias at that, but Chris plows on.

(Chris Van Vliet): … here on the show, but it’s always good to get someone on who’s lined up for a shot at the gold. Are you ready?

Eyes going slightly wider at the perceived insult, Tobias takes a moment to respond, assessing Chris like a predator would prey.

(Tobias): I’m always ready buddy. Mentally, I’m there. Physically…

His left hand gestures at the right forearm.

(Tobias): Let’s face facts, there’s f*ck all talent who they could put up against Price besides me. Let’s look at who he lucked out against just there…Hans is old and past it, Sean just lost his shot and even management can’t justify giving him another shot so soon, even if Butch want’s to try and relieve his glory days through him.

(Chris Van Vliet): I dunno man, Butch seemed like he’s not lost a step when he faced off against Red Dragon. I’d say the man’s still got it.

(Tobias): The only thing that man’s got now is arthritis buddy. I actually don’t know what was louder, the clapping of the crowd or the sounds of their hip joints almost giving up.

His expression clearly indicates it’s the latter of the two options he’s presented.

Carrying on, he raises a finger for each of the people he’s talking about.

(Tobias): Who else is there? Branson? Don’t make me laugh. He got interesting when he got angry but he beat someone that no-one cared about for twenty years. Like, he didn’t even justify a ‘Where Are They Now?’ type deal. Pass on both of them.

Those new guys? Ace… whatever… and whoever the f*ck they were interviewing…

A moment of realisation.

(Tobias): You were there, what was his name again?

(Chris Van Vliet): Travis Levitt? Is that who you mean?

Another dismissive noise comes from Tobias as he shrugs his shoulders, not caring either which way if Chris was right or wrong (he was right, that was who Tobias was thinking about, however briefly).

(Tobias): Whoever he is, he doesn’t deserve it. Then there’s the inbred clan that I ran out of town a few months back…

He mulls things over for a few moments, before, satisfied that that’s it, carries on.

(Tobias): So yeah buddy, the cupboards looking pretty empty. Not a lot of others for Butch to put ahead of me in the queue and continue to hold me back. Just like my move, it’s ‘Inevitable’ that I’ll get to the top. I’m the only man who’s given Price a run for his money lately anyway.

(Chris Van Vliet): He of course took the win over you at Havoc some months ago.

(Tobias): Lucked into buddy, lucked into.

He relaxes back into his chair.

(Tobias): But while he may have back then, I didn’t luck into this match. My talent is deserving of this shot, even if it’s under these circumstances.

He nods towards his forearm once again.

(Tobias): So sure, I’ll have to be better than I ever have in order to come out on top. But I will be. I’m not going to let management setting me up to fail again derail me from getting that gold belt around my waist.

(Chris Van Vliet): I hardly think that it’d be in their interests to have you fail Tobias, doesn’t really seem like an ethical thing to do to begin with…

(Tobias): Ethical? Ethical? This place has mentally ill f*cktards running around, cutting off peoples ears and then beating up women. Sure, chica was a bit mad, but then, if you’d been f*cked over by the Parkers like she had, y’know… I can see where she’s coming from…

(Chris Van Vliet): I don’t… I mean, c’mon, if this is Erica Martinez you’re on about…

(Tobias): Sure.

The tone of his response is of someone 95% sure of the name being right, but definitely 100% uncaring if it is or isn’t.

(Chris Van Vliet): She stalked the von Richtoven’s for months, you surely can’t be defending her?

(Tobias): I’m a feminist Chris, if she has a crush on dad-bod there, who am I to judge? Mr Multiple Personalities took offence as he always does to the German being one up on him, spat the dummy out and wanted in on the action.

Now I’m not here to make friends, buddy. I’m here to win, but those ret*rd fans out there clapping and hollering for scum like that? Him and Monkey, snake oil salesmen, y’know. They don’t deserve that applause, it’s all smoke and mirrors. There’s no wrestling skill there. I’ve got more in my little toe than either of them do in their whole mangy, nit infested forms.

(Chris Van Vliet): Wow…

Taking his response as meaning something else entirely different and completely in line with his own view of things, Tobias carries on.

(Tobias): I know! It’s just not on! It’s a complete play to the common denominator, the f*cking idiot. They’re good at that, even if it gives me a f*cking aneurysm to admit that about them.

A long exhale of air follows.

Tobias centers himself.

(Tobias): But they’re not on my level. That’s why I’m the one with the title shot. Price will make big on how many palms he’s pressed, how many selfies he’s taken… all of that and more. But no-one, not even the champ can say they’d go to the lengths I did at Road to Ruin. I’m the only man in this company with that level of drive. I’d normally say to them to get good, be better, but on this… no, only I can…

(Chris Van Vliet): So you fancy your chances?

(Tobias): Duh.

(Chris Van Vliet): Even with your injuries?

(Tobias): Listen buddy, Price will aim to get his little cheerleader in to steal the win from under me. She was in there at Road to Ruin trying to annoy me… do y’know I almost caught her trying to steal my bottles of Evian from my locker room? Little brat.

The annoyance is clear as day.

(Tobias): So she’ll be out there. And if it’s not her then it’ll be that smelly child snatching cretin who can’t stop stalking me.

It’s not quite a strangled scream, but it’s probably not far off either.

(Tobias): The odds are stacked against me buddy. But then, they always have. People are so resistant to realising that greatness is in their midst, so they fight and fight and fight. But I’ll win the war.

The scene fades out momentarily, before coming back in directly on Chris, this time in the studio on his own.

(Chris Van Vliet): Well, that was quite the interview guys, no? Listen, he’s quite the character, no getting away from it. Of course, that was just a small snippet of our talk, you can find the rest on the channel, but just to pique your interest, here’s a few small clips from the rest of the show.

With another smile, the scene fades into a clip from the interview.

(Chris Van Vliet): Do you not think that’s conductive, y’know… it could impact your long-term career here? Y’know, going to such extremes.

(Tobias): Hardly!

A mocking laugh escapes as Tobias’s head tilts back.

(Tobias): I don’t need the World title to know I’m the best Chris.

Fade out to another scene.

(Chris Van Vliet): How important is fan interaction to you, and what’s the most memorable fan encounter you’ve had?

(Tobias): Fan interaction? The fans are there to witness greatness, not to interact with me.

Fade out to another scene.

(Chris Van Vliet): How did you develop your wrestling persona?

(Tobias): Develop? This is who I am. I don’t need to pretend to be someone else. The fans hate me because they know I’m better than their so-called heroes… idiots…

Fade out back to Chris.

(Chris Van Vliet): That last one? Woah.

His eyebrows go up, a low whistle coming from his lips.

(Chris Van Vliet): Anyway guys, head to the main channel if you want to see the full thing. See you next time!

And with that, the scene fades to black for good.

End.