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Posted by Tobias Clarke
on February 21, 2025, 6:57 am
He's looking around for another HWA superstar to speak to and finding it difficult to spot one in amongst the throng of people moving about.
(Tobias): Hey numbnuts, you lost?
Into view strides Tobias Clarke.
He’s clearly pleased with himself after the events of tonight. A statement win against that most undeserving of foes and a masterclass in wrestling 101 for his tag-partner to be educated with.
(Tobias): I get it, you had to listen to that lot and it’s fried your brain. Buddy, retards are gonna be retards, kay? The main event is here, lemme help you salvage your night.
He snaps his fingers, gesticulating for Roderick to hand over his microphone.
When he simply lowers it as he’d done so for the other interviewees, Tobias simply snatches it out of his hand.
Not even paying attention at the obvious discomfort of the young intern, Tobias flags down another HWA employee.
(Tobias): You. Evian. Bottle. Two of them. Chilled. Now.
Another dismissive ‘scuttle off’ gesture with his free hand has the employee on his way.
Tobias turns back to Roderick.
(Tobias): So help me god if they’re not chilled.
An ‘urgh’ follows as he tilts his head back, just picturing the inevitable scene.
Roderick has by now sourced another microphone and holds it up, still thrown off by the last few seconds.
(Roderick): Tobias! I didn’t think th…
(Tobias): Obvious buddy.
Another stumble from the poor guy in the face of this. Night and day difference from his other interviews to say the least.
(Tobias): Listen, I’ll save you the hassle. Let me do your job for you and walk you through this. Now you introduce me to the camera.
It takes a moment to sink in, but no, Tobias is deadly serious.
Swallowing his discomfort, Roderick turns to the camera and raises the mic up.
(Roderick): What’s going on, HWAVerse! Another exclusive…
Tobias cuts across him, imitating a buzzer.
(Tobias): Eh, wrong buddy. It’s ’the’ exclusive interview. Know your audience and know who you’re interviewing.
His free hand settles across his chest, a ‘me’ moment.
Like a deer in headlights, Roderick takes this in and the, if only to just get this over and done with then turns back to the camera.
(Roderick): What’s going on, HWAVerse! It’s the exclusive interview you’ve been wanting. Tobias Clarke.
He turns around to face Tobias, awaiting the stinging criticism no doubt coming his way.
Instead Tobias is assessing, nodding his head.
(Tobias): Wanting… needing… hmm, either or. Good work buddy. Now again, but make it clear who I beat.
That last part is with a predatory grin flourishing across his face.
(Roderick): What’s going on, HWAVerse! It’s the exclusive interview you’ve been wanting. Tobias Clarke, winner of the match against Sean Parker and Michelle Young.
(Tobias): Thanks Roman. Cream rises to the top. Quality and skill win out against nepotism. It was never in doubt that I’d win.
(Roderick): How was it tagging with your partner for the evening, Starli…
A shushing motion is made by Tobias, followed by him drawing an imaginary zipper across his lips.
(Tobias): Shhh buddy. I’m not done. Ask me now about what bullsh*t Parker was going off on.
It takes Roderick a second to think back to what Sean had said, causing Tobias’ eyebrows to arch upwards at the impudence of him not knowing immediately what to say.
(Roderick): Tobias does what Tobias does.
(Tobias): That’s right. I win. I succeed. I succeed because of my talent and in spite of this company constantly looking for ways to f*ck me over. You know, I read up on Japanese things… hashtageducateyourselves… the owner of a car company made his son go and work for the other company, so he wouldn’t be accused of nepotism. Sink or swim buddies, that’s the right attitude to take. Not being carried about by everyone else. All this talk of a new Monday Night War. F*ck that, just trade the dead wood away. WWE love to suck up all the ”talent”. Stick glitter on a pig and they’ll think it’s the next Trish Stratus.
He makes a ‘come on’ gesture to Roderick.
(Tobias): Right, now ask me about the next bit he got wrong.
(Roderick): That you look for every shortcut you possibly can to get any advantage possible.
(Tobias): Bingo. What a crock of sh*t. Sour grapes from a sour Scotsman. Sorry I didn’t give you the playbook ahead of the match like what you’re used to Parker. Get the f*ck out of here!
He makes another ‘come on’ gesture to Roderick.
(Tobias): Come on buddy, you’re on a roll now. What else did he say?
(Roderick): That you had to resort to every dirty trick in that little book of yours just to have a level playing field with both of them tonight.
(Tobias): Again, just top tier sh*t talking from him there. And so racist. Just because my tag partner isn’t a white skinned… and when we’re talking about Parker… very white skinned. Like, if he wants to take his nepotism to the next level, the KKK would be in awe of just how f*cking white he is. He’d be head honcho within days of signing up…
Anyway… I don’t want to give him future career advice… I just find it so condescending that he’d completely overlook my tag partner and put it all down to me succeeding. I mean he’s right, but still… so disrespectful that he leaves out…
Something catches his eye off camera and he halts.
(Tobias): Speak of the devil!
He then hollers a ‘hey’ in as loud and obnoxious a manner as possible, waving one arm in the air to catch the attention, before then beckoning whoever it is over.
A few seconds later Starlight Kid somewhat reticently appears.
(Tobias): Give her your mic buddy, f*ck sake…
With that, he takes Roderick’s mic and thrusts it at Starlight Kid.
(Tobias): We’re doing an interview buddy, Ronnie here was just asking us about how disrespectful it was that Parker didn’t even acknowledge you being in this match. Naturally… I was outraged.
He turns back to Roderick.
(Tobias): Now before we let her answer that, what was the last thing he said?
Microphone-less, Roderick leans into the mic now held by Starlight Kid.
(Roderick): He said you’re the only one that’s going to care about this win.
(Tobias): Typical Parker. Can’t see anything beyond himself. I’m here trying to make this company great again and he’s getting all pissy because he’s been found out again.
Anyway, go ask her what she thinks about Parker’s snubbing her.
By now, the HWA employee has returned with the two chilled bottles of Evian and this otherwise distracts Tobias for the moment, allowing Roderick to retrieve his original microphone under the auspices of holding it while Tobias drinks.
(Roderick): Starlight, what are your thoughts on the win tonight? And Sean Parker’s comments?
Initially ignoring Roderick’s question, Starlight throws an accusatory finger in Tobias’ direction.
(Starlight Kid): You! I toad you no cheating! You are good ressrer, Tobias-san but you always cheat! You are not better than Sean Parka!
She turns to address Roderick.
(Starlight Kid): I am preased wiv my… how you say? Performance? How I did tonight. Michelle-san and Sean-san are good opponents and I am sorry this…
Starlight Kid points to Tobias.
(Starlight): Kuso baka had to cheat! I no want any part of Tobias Clarke anymore!
Starlight narrows her eyes in annoyance at Tobias before she abruptly about-turns and storms off.
Roderick gestures after her, keen to not lose the second microphone but it’s too late.
Calmly finishing his first bottle of Evian, Tobias shrugs and then plucks the mic out of Roderick’s hand, gesturing after the departing Starlight Kid.
(Tobias): Do y’see that buddy. That’s the kinda language barrier that I had to overcome in that ring. That, that right there, that was gobbledygook. But like how I’m on a journey of elevating myself each day, if she sticks to that language book I got her for Christmas, she’ll get there.
His expression is that of actual belief in that.
He’s done well tonight. A win over Parker and Michelle. He’s saved Starlight Kid from potential deportation (for now) and helped her solidify her position in the HWA. Further, he’s gave Roderick the best interview he’s ever had. Until the next one that he has with Tobias.
(Tobias): Anyway, that’s all from me Robert, keep getting better buddy.
And with that, he strolls off camera still holding the mic in one hand, leaving Roderick in his wake looking decidedly unsure of how to process the last 5 or so minutes.
End scene.
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