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It’s the usual set up that appears, a nondescript room, well lit and prepped for just the sort of thing that you’re about to witness.
Today is the 4th of July. Happy Independence Day.
Tobias thinks you were better off under your betters, even if he considers their oral hygiene absolutely abominable. Think on that.
Anyway, into view from off camera strides Tobias Clarke, bottle of Evian in hand.
He wastes no time in beginning, for time is precious, his more-so than anyone elses.
(Tobias): I’ll be brief as I have a pressing shiatsu massage booked in at one and I am not missing it for this.
He slows himself, one hand held out to the camera as if to say ‘stop’.
A moments rest.
(Tobias): But no, I need to respond, because stupidity doesn’t deserve to propagate. That’s how this roster found itself in it’s current form and I will be damned before I let it get worse.
The camera pans out revealing a widescreen TV to one side of him.
Draconis’s promo from earlier that day is on the screen albeit paused.
Into Tobias’s hand appears the remote.
(Dragon): (gritting his teeth) Infuriating doesn’t begin to cover it. But he also asked as a true champion to let him deal with this problem. The family needs to deal
With that entitled stuck up snob, Tobias. He wants to run his mouth about our family, calling us inbred. Hicks insinuated that my daughter Luna and myself are sleeping together. And then run away when he sees Jesse, Kratos and Wyatt running after him.
Thumbing the remote, the screen pauses.
Tobias turns to the camera, a pained expression on his face.
(Tobias): God, that voice of yours gives me an itch at the top of my throat that only a shotgun could scratch.
He genuinely looks pained.
(Tobias): Listen buddy, be proud of your roots and all, sure… but seriously, get someone to translate for you. Get a Paul Bearer type guy and just stand at the back and try to look menacing or some sh*t. It’d do wonders and save me from a migraine having to translate your NASCAR loving, beer-swilling, cousin-f*cking hick garbage into actual real words.
Be better buddy, kay?
Jesus…
He trails off, composing himself and taking a swig of his Evian to calm himself down.
(Tobias): I’ll keep this real simple Old Man. You are inbred, this seems to be news only to you lot. Newsflash, you’re out into the big wide world and that sh*t doesn’t fly when when you’re not living out of a trailer park in the middle of f*cking nowhere.
As for insinuated, my, that’s a big word buddy. Kudos, keep up the dictionary reading, never knew you had gotten up to the letter ‘I’. Could have sworn you’d just got to ‘D’.
And ‘ran’? No buddy. Jogged. See unlike you, I was trying to help those poor retard boys out and get them working up their exercise. All that living out of buses that you do, it’s not good for the human body. Seriously, three corridors down and they were gassed. Be better!
The TV sparks back into life as Tobias hits the remote again, skipping to the next scene.
(Dragon):(stopping abruptly) yes, Tobias is going to learn not to underestimate The Family. Maniac, you can go off and deal with Jeremy once and for all. The Draconis Family is going to teach Tobias, that professor loser and anyone else who we are.
(sighing heavily) I understand Jeremy is a wildcard in this scenario. But I respect and understand so I'm going to allow Maniac to deal with the wildcard. But I'm going to make sure that the Draconis Family and myself are what people are talking about.
The laugh that comes is sickeningly obnoxious.
Hands on his hips, his head is tilted back and Tobias is howling.
A few moments pass, his head dropping back down. He looks like he’s composing himself, before he s######s once more, not bothering to conceal it at all, as he looks at the camera.
(Tobias): ‘The Family’? Oh god, stop it. You’ll kill me with laughter long before any of you can actually do so in the ring.
The TV sparks back into life as Tobias hits the remote again, skipping to the next scene.
(Dragon):(smirking) The first target is that snob Tobias Clark. I will once and for all teach him to respect the Draconis family. His class will be painful because he will have multiple matches.
First match will be against Wyatt, if he survives that match and then he can go find himself a partner and face the Sons of Anarchy (Jesse Draconis and Kratos Payne).
And if by any chance he wins that match, then only then will he have the chance to face me, William Draconis.
Again the TV is paused.
Tobias holds up his middle finger to the camera, flipping the bird.
(Tobias): So one, I have to beat Redneck Son, gotcha.
Another finger flicks up, the “v’s” now.
(Tobias): Then it’s Jimmy and God of War, gotcha… incidentally pops, love how you have to remind everybody out there of just who’s in that tag team. Really rams home just how goddamn f*cking irrelevant they really are.
He trails off with that obnoxious laugh of his again, before dropping the hands.
(Tobias): Listen up pops. When I beat whatever one of your retard clan it is that you’re putting up against me at Havoc, I’m gonna f*ck him up so bad that I’m gonna have to file a missing persons report. While you’re standing around under those red lights being all broody and talking mumbo-jumbo sh*t with that Uncle Fester wannabe that you’ve got there, I’ll be in the gym training. None of you can go toe to toe with me. There’s what, six of you redneck f*cks now? Here’s some quick maths for you. That’s 12 arms. Want to know something else? The collective braincells between all of you is somewhere between those two numbers. I’ll let the scientists go figure that one out, maybe even Professor Hoff if he can stop abducting women for 5 minutes…
Another snort of laughter escapes him, even as he throws the remote over his shoulder and somewhere towards the back of the room.
(Tobias): Later losers.
And with that, Tobias vacates the room and the scene fades slowly to black.
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