(Anton opens the front door)
Anton: Come in.
(Ash walks in unbale to make eye contact with Anton)
Anton: Before you start let me just...........
Ash: STOP! please stop. Just listen. First off, I need more painkillers or I'm going to passout.
(Davis walks over and grabs the pill bottle and pulls out a pill and grabs a bottle of water)
Davis: Here kid.
Ash: Ok, just listen. I was hoping the cab ride was longer in order for me to organize my thoughts and not come in here like some emotional trainwreck. I know I haven't been the best when it comes to rationalizing and processing all this information but that is mainly because all my life I have been told one thing and now I hear another, and I'm not an idiot, I knew there was two side.
(Ash takes a seat on the sofa)
Ash: But breaking through the cognitive dissonance isn't easy. it's like a part of me wanted to hear it was all a lie but another part wasn't sure if i was ready considering I most likely wouldn't get all the truths either. But listen to me please. Anton, allowing me to hear the truth would be granting me the opportunity to confront reality head-on, to process my grief in a genuine manner. I believe honesty will provide me with the clarity and resilience I need to continue my journey, carrying my father's legacy in my heart every step of the way. Using his life as a sledgehammer to break the walls down that will be placed in my way just because I carry the name Phoenix
(Anton listens intently to every word trying not to the let the wave of emotion carry him over the top)
Please understand that my intentions were never to burden you, Davis or Talon. My intentions were never to reopen wounds but rather to gain the truth and knowledge I need to do this the right way. I want to, NO! I need someone to trust and I know though I carry my father's name I am still a stranger in strange lands when it comes to what I am attempting to do. Hell, wo am I kidding, I am a stranger sitting on this sofa. Trust me when I tell you, I in no way shape or form so i think you, or anyone owes me anything. I am not entitled anything and though I have acted the former I only want to gather the pieces to a puzzle that was never completed. Io honor my father's memory with integrity and pride but more than anything else, I want to know who my fathers family was.
Davis: If I may, that was probably the most rational, logical and mature things I ahve heard in this apartment for some time.
Anton: Eddie, ....
(A long pause as Anton makes eye contact with Ash)
Anton: I apologize ash, I didn't mean ....
Ash: It's ok. My mother did that constantly. I get I look like him
Anton: let me start again, Ash.
(Anton pulls out the letter)
Anton: I found this the day I want to visit your dad. It was the last time I saw him and the last day we spoke.
(Ash reaches over, grabs the note, opens it and reads it to himself)
-------Dear Lucas, Xavier and Zelda. My beautiful kids. Let me tell you, though I could give a hell of an interview, nothing is harder than speaking the only truth you know to the only people you Truley love. So believe me when I tell you, this is the hardest mic work I ever had to do, mainly because it's all true but also because what I am going to tell you will go against everything you were ever told. Xavier, Lucas, Zelda: live your life. live it free and never let anyone tell you NO! Take every "NO!" and "YOU CAN'T" as a personal challenge and never sell yourself short. Never compromise to validate someone's elses delusion. Speak your truth because the more people it affects the truer it becomes. Never bend nor break your beliefs but always be willing to listen. In your life there will be truths and there will be facts and how you process them will be how you live your life. Learn from mistakes and build on your success. Slow down when things seem to be going too fast and speed up when it feels like it's going too slow. Never, never settle and become complacent because in a blink of an eye, it can all go away. Now, I know your mother never wanted you to follow in my footsteps, BUT! that is not her choice as much as it isn't mine. My job is not to tell you which way to go but show your different directions and give you advice on how you may approach each one. The biggest mistake I ever did was thinking I could actually be happy living two lives'. My biggest regret was not making you guys part of it.
By the time you read this letter I will not be around. I have instructed Anton, who has been the absolute best friend I could have through all my struggles and pain. through my battle. I bet right now it is you, Ash who is reading this. My little boy. My speak plug who would not leave my side whenever I was home.
(Ash quickly tears up as he leans back with tears flowing from his eyes)
This letter is for all my kids but if Ash is the first one reading, know this. I knew you would be. I love all of you the same, but I knew Ash would look for answers because I knew Ash would want to lace up the boots. Ash, I left because my addictions once again was eating me alive. My body had pains that could not be eased with therapy, dieting and deep ben gay rubs. The pain I had was buried long ago and rooted down to my bones. I could not my children watching me wither away as I once again struggled. I wanted you to remember me as I was not how I ended up. Despite my last few years, I can honestly say you three were the best things that ever happened to me. Then Anton and Davis and Talon. Can't leave those guys out. My second family, but one that felt like my first through my darkest times. My life would have meant nothing if I didn't have anyone to write this letter too At the end, in my struggles I became half the man I was because I could not face what I had become in the eyes of my children. Know, I can't leave out your mother, I always loved your mother, even in my mistakes and I know everything she did to make sure you didn't see the dirty that I tracked in and left behind every time I walked in and out of your lives. Don't be angry at her, it doesn't solve anything, and she will probably be a wreck if any of you decide to lace'em up
OK, enough of the tears which I can't seem to stop from falling on this letter, which ever of you kids decide to step into my world, understand this, please do not try and follow in my footsteps. If I may recite a line from of my favorite bands Depeche Mode, and this wraps up everything I want to say in a nutshell..-
-Now I'm not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do,
But before you come to any conclusions,
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes
You'll stumble in my footsteps.-
I love that band. Anyway. Do not try and replicate my success, don't try and be the next Eddie Phoenix. Be the first you. honor me by not becoming me. Now, I have a bank account for any or all of you to use. one I put on the side strictly for anything you may need if you come wanting to give this crazy world a shot. I also gave Anton
Ash: Where's the rest of the letter
Anton: That's it Ash
Ash: What do you mean?
Anton: Ash: You father died while writing that letter. I found him hunched over his desk in his cabin upstate New York. The last call he made was that he wanted me to come over and help him set some things up
(The look on Ash face goes from sad to downright remorseful in every way. He puts the letter up to his face and takes a deep breath. So much so that Davis who is usually unfazed by anything emotional, chokes up and walks to the balcony.)
Anton: I will tell you everything and give you whatever you need.
(Anton gets up and walks over to the sofa and sits near Ash. he puts his arm over him as Ash leans in and can't stop crying)
Anton: Let it out. The best thing to do is process this, let it all out, as much as you need so in this way it no longer holds you back.
(Anton puts both arms over Ash and embraces him)
(Davis walks in and sits on the other side and puts his hand on Ash shoulder)
Davis: We got your back kid
Message Thread
« Back to index