The scene opens out onto one of the media bay rooms in the HWA Academy. Lighting rigs and backdrops dominate the make up of the room, chairs and tables dotted around the walls surrounding them. (Jason): Oh you were top three out of those I worked with on the night, easily. (Vanessa): You little b*stard, do you want to try again and give me the right answer? (Jason): Ok, fine… He tuts, delaying for a few moments as if deliberating on his placement. (Jason): You were definitely comfortable in second place, no question about it. Any more words he might have added are cut off as Vanessa swats at him with one of the magazines on the table, causing him to duck down, giggling all the while. (Vanessa): Second place? Second place!? By this point, Jason has slid to the floor and found himself behind his chair, using it akin to a shield. (Jason): All I’m saying is… (Vanessa): Yes? By this point, Vanessa’s on her feet and coming round the table towards Jason, magazine rolled up and in hand like a bat. Both are grinning however and on the verge of laughter. (Jason): I don’t want you take it the wrong way… I have too much respect for you… (Vanessa): Uh-huh, but…? (Jason): I think Wisdom’s wasted just running things and should maybe get out of the office mo… The magazine is launched at him, bouncing off the chair however as both of them by this point are far too amused and laughing to aim correctly. (Lilly): So Hans, my names Lilly, thanks for coming down. That’s Tom over there behind the camera by the way. We’re going to get some head shots that we can use for the website and media packs, we’ll then get you doing some promo spots, reacting, turning to the camera, y’know, all the stuff you see on TV that flashes up alongside your name for the viewers at home. Articulating just as much with her hands as she is her voice, Lilly is pointing out various sections of the media room set up for just what she describes to Hans as she talks, Hans nodding along wordlessly. (Lilly): I have to ask, are you going with just the trunks or are you wearing the t-shirt as well? (Hans): I don’t wrestle with it on, so… Shedding the t-shirt, he moves to hang it over the back of one of the spare chairs, his wife glancing at him appreciatively as he does so, Hans catching the side eye and smiling at her as he passes. (Lilly): Now the next question, no judgement here, some of the roster like to look like they’ve got a sweat on for these shots… we got baby oil if you want it… A bark of disbelieving laughter escapes Hans, turning back to face Lilly. (Hans): You’re kidding, jah? (Lilly): No seriously, some folk have asked for it. Turning to face Vanessa, she shrugs before holding up her hands. (Vanessa): If you’re wanting your back done babe, I’m right here. Seeing his chance, Jason interjects. (Jason): And if she can’t, can I? A withering gaze is the immediate response, Jason throwing his hands up in mock surrender. (Jason): Can’t blame me for asking… (Hans): Isn’t it bottomless brunch somewhere, nein? Jason just laughs. (Jason): It’s always eight o’clock somewhere Hans, you know that. Hans turns to face Jason, wagging a finger at him as he does so. (Hans): No, but I do know you Jason. (Jason): Not as well as you could Hans… He pouts, blowing a small kiss at Hans who groans loudly, turning back to face the other way, eyes rolling into the back of his head. Vanessa snorts with laughter, slapping her co-commentator on the arm. (Vanessa): Oh stop it you. You just can’t help yourself. (Jason): Of course not, it’s one of life’s joys, winding up your husband like this. He knows I don’t mean anything by it, right Hans? The last part is almost shouted at Hans, whose head twists round somewhat to allow him to respond over his shoulder, all the while the photographer snaps away from his front. (Hans): If I say yes, will you go and leave me to get this done in peace? (Jason): Only because I love you Hans. His head tilts right back at this causing even the photographer to grin at Hans’ reaction to Jason’s wind up. (Vanessa): You’ll be able to use that for when he’s heard something he doesn’t agree with. My husband, world champion, viral meme… (Hans): Um gottes willen… He does turn round, one hand going to his hip and the head tilting to one side as Vanessa gets to her feet, coming up to him, both smiling. (Vanessa): Oh honey, you’re so much more to me than just a little gif. She fusses over him for a moment, ruffling his hair and drawing a faint effort to bat her hand away.. (Vanessa): Now if you’re insisting on doing any of these shots with the top off, please, no baby oil…. Just… no, ok? (Hans): Did any of my reactions give you the slightest hint that I’d be doing anything like that? (Vanessa): No, but… just making sure. You German’s are a weird bunch at times. She smiles and kisses him on the lips. (Hans): And then you went and married one. Jason interjects at this point. (Jason): We know, says a lot about her. Don’t get me started on her failings again... (Vanessa): Shush you! She smiles sweetly at her husband, ignoring the friendly jibe from Jason who by this point is gathering up his things and getting ready. (Vanessa): I’ll catch up with you later, ok. (Hans): Jah, back at the car or do I have time to get to the training rooms for a bit? (Vanessa): Oh I’m going to have all the questions thrown at me babe. First day back and I’m going to have to talk about this… She gestures at her head, the skin healing well, but still somewhat red and scabbed in parts from the burns inflicted. (Vanessa): … and the little bitch that caused them. Could take a while, so… do the gym. I’ll come find you. (Hans): Ok, I’ll see you soon then meine gottin. He kisses her on the forehead before she heads for the door. Jason passing by, blowing another kiss at Hans and receiving a further swat to the arm by Vanessa as they exit. (Lilly): Quite the pair those two… (Hans): They’re bruder und schwester. He turns back around to face Lilly, getting back into his stance. (Hans): I swear they take it in turns to wind me up. Tagging each other in when they need to take a break. (Lilly): You change that if you could? (Hans): Nein, never. A few more snaps of the camera are heard, Hans then changing his pose slightly. He nods his head to Lilly, almost conspiratorially adding. (Hans): Though if I could find an mute switch for them, jah…. (Lilly): Urgh, tell me about it. Got an older brother and yeah, nightmare at times. She looks down at the monitor as she’s saying this, glancing sideways at the photographer, still snapping away. (Lilly): So gym after this, huh? (Hans): Jah, though I have some words to say to someone first. Might get them out first, amp myself up a little for the training. (Lilly): Ah, gotcha. A few more snaps are taken, Hans staring into the camera, cocky expression on his face and a relaxed look to his frame. (Lilly): Right Hans, give us some celebratory type poses next… The scene fades out briefly, coming back in on the promo recording room set up in the Academy. (Hans): Herr Chaos, mein freund, danke schön. Danke schön for being the perfect case study in what not to do not only when it comes to having good work place relations with your colleagues and bosses, but when it comes to virtue signaling as well… Leaving the words hanging for a few seconds before carrying on, Hans leans in to the camera. (Hans): Now let me cover off the latter before I do the former. Taking a step back, he points at the camera. (Hans): Now you made it clear on camera Maniac that you too were appalled by what Fallen did at Havoc to Michelle. Things went ‘way too far’ as you put it, he was ’inhuman’ even. I have to say, I’m in agreement with those sentiments, most of the roster would echo that in fact, I’m sure even Deas would as well if he decided to speak up. But, this is where it was all just lip service, barring one point. Holding up one solitary finger to emphasize his point, he carries on. (Hans): You’re no saint, Herr Chaos. Jah. Du bist abschaum. Have you heard of the phrase, throwing stones in glass houses? Because it can’t just have been me that noticed that the dust had barely settled on you getting on your high horse and calling out atrocities before you slid off the other side of that horse and promptly committed some of your own. Taking a crowbar to Jeremy’s father, torturing and recording yourself physically assaulting him… A step is taken to bring him closer to the camera. (Hans): Have you considered exactly what happens when you paint a target on your back so large that you have half the roster aiming for you Maniac? Because it’s not ‘chaos’. Chaos is indiscriminate, you’re not. You’ve made it your mission to p*ss off everyone, bite the hand that feeds, you’re a rabid hund that needs muzzled, led round the back and ended. Herr Chaos, to use an old phrase from my home country. ‘Niemals den kuchen vor dem anschnitt loben’. The real treat is knowing that you think I’m going to be trapped in that ring with you, while in fact, it’s you that will be trapped in there with me. A predatory look flitters across his face, eyes narrowing as he advances another step towards the camera, his voice betraying none of that however, still conversational in tone. (Hans): I’m going to enjoy seeing you realise that Herr Chaos and rail against it as best you can. I look forward to saying these words to you as I stand over you, arm raised in victory. ‘It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic.’ He reaches down to stop the recording. (Hans): Train well Herr Chaos. The scene fades out as he stops the cameras, the work of uploading them to the HWA channel taking moments.
In camera shot are three people; Hans ‘The Baron’ von Richtoven, his wife Vanessa and her co-commentator Jason Thatcher.
Hans is attired as if ready for a match, white wrestling boots, a simple 3/4 length pair of white wrestling tights with a scarlet stripe down one leg and his family crest on the other. Adorning his top half is the German national football team’s home kit.
Jason and Vanessa are chatting among themselves, Hans stood behind Vanessa, gently massaging her shoulders, listening on with a smile on his face at their back and forth.
He waves his hands asking for a truce.
At this point, the lead for the shoot moves into the room, causing Vanessa and Jason to call a halt to their antics as she walks over, introducing herself.
Hans, clad much as he was earlier, albeit with a pair of well fitted grey jeans in place of his trunks this time is standing centre of the camera’s view.
He does a small count, before hitting the record button, looking up at the camera.
Message Thread
« Back to index