(Sean): Hey man, just before we start, I just want to make sure we get a good vibe going for the episode. We’ve been dying to get a HWA wrestler on for a while so we’re really grateful you took the time for us, I know things have been quite rocky for you and your friends lately.
(Matt): Ah, thanks Sean, appreciate it fella.
(Sean): So are there any topics you’d like us to avoid in terms of the questions I’ve got lined up for you?
(Matt): Um, not much of I’m honest whicha, lad. Oh in fact, anything to do with Sean and Michelle and that horrible business that happened last week in Wichita.
(Sean): Oh, of course, absolutely. We don’t like to get too deep anyway but I absolutely understand that one. Anything else?
(Matt): Yeah, nothing about Jeremy and the revelation about his sexuality at the end of the show as well. That’s his position to talk about that, not mine and I’d rather not get into it if that’s alright?
Sean holds his hands up in acknowledgement.
(Sean): Again, no issues at all, dude. Whatever you’re comfortable with.
(Matt): Sound, lad. Anything else, just hit me with it.
Sean): Great!
The techs and crew finish up some last-minute bits and pieces and the show commences. Sean smiles at the camera.
(Sean): Hey, what’s going on everybody? From First We Feast, I’m Sean Evans and unite watching Hot Ones, the show with hot questions and even hotter wings. Today I’m joined by one of the most exciting and popular pro wrestlers of the past 10 years, HWA’s Matt Miller. He needs no introduction, he’s high-flying, death-defying and utterly electrifying and he’s been flipping and leaping about wrestling rings for the past, what? Twelve years?
(Matt): About that, yeah, over a decade at least, fella.
(Sean): Wow, that’s awesome and to be that experienced and not be in your thirties is quite something.
(Matt): What can I say, Sean? I’m privileged enough to have gotten into this business when I was still very young. I wasn’t the smartest kid in school so I dropped out, joined a wrestling school, paid my dues and here I am.
(Sean): You wrestled at Fergal Devitt’s wrestling school, is that right? Fergal Devitt by the way is more commonly known to wrestling fans these days Finn Balor from WWE.
(Matt): That’s right, Sean, Fergal took me in as this young, skinny 17-year old who couldn’t run the ropes to save himself, and he changed my life forever.
(Sean): Now, before we get into things, I wanted to ask you about a story you like to tell when you bombed in one of your first matches, that someone actually hurled a piece of food at you?
Matt can’t help but laugh at the recollection.
(Matt): Hundred percent true. I was still only 17 at the time so I was. Greener than this top…
Matt motions to his football attire before continuing.
(Matt): …I was dying the death, you know when you’re new at something and you’re terrified of messing up. I can’t even remember what move I was doing but I just remember being hit in the face by this chicken wing. Bang!
Still laughing, Matt mimics being hit in the forehead by comically hitting himself with the palm of his hand.
(Matt): Right on the button… and I just buckled, straight-up walked out the ring like a big girl’s blouse, so I did!
(Sean): So, it’s chicken wings one, Matt Miller zero? We ready for some revenge?
Matt smiles as he rubs his hands together.
(Matt): Let’s do it lad!
(Sean): Do you like hot food? I don’t know if being Irish is going to be a blessing or a curse here.
(Matt): Oh, being Irish is always a curse, never a blessing he laughs but I’m partial to a curry or two. The first one should be a cakewalk through am I right? I’ve watched the show before and you usually ease your guests in before bringing out the big guns.
(Sean): That’s the plan but depends on your threshold! First one we’ve got is the Mellow Mango Tango.
(Matt): Ooh, I like mango, so I do.
Matt begins to dig into the first chicken wing, making some satisfied food noises and facial expressions as he tucks in.
(Sean): So, Matt, it's been several months since you returned to HWA. Can you share a little about what life has been like for you during this time?
Matt delays his answer, still tearing the meat off the chicken wing, chewing. Whilst holding the wing, he holds up his index finger to indicate he needs a second.
(Matt): Mmm, this "Mellow Mango Tango" sauce is bringing the sweet heat, so it is. Life back in HWA has been a wild ride, like getting body-slammed by a tornado, but in a good way, you know? Mmm, this is a really good sauce by the way, I’m gonna needja to get me a bottle of this after the show!
(Sean): Laughing By all means!
(Matt): Anyway, sorry yeah, life back in HWA. Well it’s not really back in HWA because I’ve been here since 2015, I feel like I’m part of the furniture, ya know what I mean, lad? But it’s certainly taking some getting used to being back in front of live TV audiences. Like when shit hit the fan back in 2016, we went from 20,000-seater arenas to a couple of hundred, if that, in small halls. So being back in front of those big numbers, seeing the cameras flying above you and the camera crew following your walk to the ring, it’s certainly been a rollercoaster for sure, so it has.
Matt wipes his hands on a nearby napkin and discards the bones and leftovers from the first wing.
(Sean): So, the second one we have here is the Medium Macho Madness.
(Matt): laughing Don’t tell me there’s a picture of Randy Savage on the bottle!
(Sean): No, but that would be hilarious Speaking of ups and downs though, your feud with Maniac has been quite intense over the last few months. Can you give us some insights into that rivalry and the upcoming Asylum match at the next pay-per-view?
Matt digs in to wing number two, nodding along with his brow furrowed. His expression suddenly changes slightly.
(Matt): Hooo, boyo, I’m gonna have to some water early, so I am.
Sean laughs as Matt reaches over to a nearby glass of water and takes a sip.
(Matt): So the feud with Maniac has been like nothing I’ve ever had in my career, I won’t lie and it’s not something I even envisioned happening. We had a little back-and-forth T the Reunion Show we had at Madison Square Garden which I thought we’d embellish a little for TV. But then he had this weird thought process that he was going to be like our mentor? But you know, me, Sean, Jeremy, all the people who stuck by and joined HWA in that quieter time, we got mentored by the likes of Butch Parker, ya know, one of the GOATs, I mean Butch is up der with your Buffs, your Cenas, your Austins, your Stings you know. And we’ve had Wisdom, one of the greatest women wrestlers of all time, and Sensei Matthew. We couldn’t have picked better role models and people to guide us. Then this guy saunters back in so he does after we hear nothin from him for over ten years and he decides he’s gonna be our mentor?
Matt’s expression screws up in a twisted fashion, and we’re not sure if it’s the wings or the notion that Maniac thinks he’d a good mentor.
(Matt): It just didn’t sit right with all of us. Anyway, we had our first match at the very first Havoc back on air and yeah, he beat me and he offered to shake my hand. I thought nothing of it and he ended up beating the holy shit out of me. And the rest is history. Now we’ve got this Asylum match coming up and it’s gonna turn some heads, so it will. Not unlike Maniac himself, it’s gonna be batshit crazy.
Sean brings a third bottle of hot sauce in to the centre of the table.
(Sean): So this one is the Regretful Reaper.
Matt picks the bottle up and analyses the contents
(Matt): Forfocksake, man, Regretful Reaper? That’s not exactly fillin’ me with confidence, lad!
They both begin to eat the third wing coated in the Regretful Reaper sauce.
(Sean): So, in the past, it’s been well-documented HWA faced difficulties, and you had offers from major wrestling promotions. Any regrets not taking up those deals back in 2016 when WWE, New Japan, and ROH were knocking on your door?
As Matt chews on the meat from the third wing, he begins to feel the intense heat.
(Matt): Jesus H Christ, Sean. This "Regretful Reaper" sauce is no joke! I can legit feel this in my face so I can! Regrets? Well, maybe just a fleeting thought when my taste buds are being scorched like this ####in Ripley dousin those alien eggs with that flamethrower, mind that in the second Aliens film when she’s just spraying those fockers?
Sean is laughing and we can hear laugher from behind the camera as well as Matt tries to cope with the heat and he takes another drink of water.
(Matt): Coughing But sticking with HWA was the right move. No regrets, just some spicy reflections!
(Sean): I know you struggled with that one but we’re moving into the bigger guns now, Matt.
(Matt): Aw Jesus, really? What’s this one called? Fockin’ Lava Bollocks or somethin?
(Sean): Dragon’s Fury…
(Matt): Ah furfocksake man, really? Nobody tell Sensei about this if I start crying after this!
Matt picks the wing up and eyes it with a cautious reservation. He goes to take a bite but hesitates before taking a cautious nibble.
(Sean): So moving on, you have an upcoming match with William Draconis, who is undefeated and chasing his 5th consecutive win. Any thoughts on that?
Matt leans over, puffing his cheeks out and taking big, loud exhalations.
(Matt): Is this sauce legal?
Matt picks the bottle up and looks at the ingredients and small writing imprinted on the label.
(Matt): There’s not even a disclaimer or anything, bloody hell. Dragon’s Fury you said? Fock me, me arse is gonna be like a dragon’s nostril tomorrow, Jesus Christ…William Draconis, yeah the big man, like my arsehole, is on fire. But I’m not gonna underestimate him or look past him. I know I’ve got Maniac comin’ up at the pay-per-view… sorry, I’m gonna have to drink the milk!
More laughter can be heard off-camera as Matt downs a glass of milk in one go and releases a satisfied noise.
(Matt): Whew! That’s a wee bit better so it is! Anyway, Draconis, he’s been by far the most impressive out of all of us since HWA returned to network television, so he has. I mean he’s beaten Maniac, Legion, Stu-E Price and Jeremy. You beat guys of that calibre unless you’re good at what you do. But I’m pretty damn good at what I do, Sean and I’m gonna show that when Havoc rolls into North Little Rock. Right, come on lad, let’s keep ‘em coming!
(Sean): You sure? You’re looking a little red in the face.
(Matt): Oh, my face isn’t the only thing that’s red, believe me, lad.
More laughter cascades around the set as Matt grabs a napkin and mops the sweat pouring from his face.
(Sean): This one is called…laughing “100% Pain”
Matt leans back in his seat, holding his hands to his head, looking defeated and trying not to laugh at the same time.
(Matt): 100% Pain? You serious?
(Sean): As a heart attack.
He slides the bottle over to Matt who looks at it and sighs.
(Sean): So, what’s been evident from HWA programming has been the role you’ve played as the locker room leader to the younger guys, the less experienced ones on the roster. Do you feel a lot of pressure with that kind of unofficial position?
As Matt eats away at the next wing, he inexplicably starts laughing as he chews away. His face is getting redder and he instinctively reaches for another glass of milk.
(Matt): Oh shit! Hahahaha, f*ck! Right locker room leader? Oh shit! Hey man, my lips are tingling so they are! What the hell? [laughing this is torture man, shit, my lips feel like they’re melting! What was it you asked, fella? Sorry!
Sean laughs.
(Sean): Do you feel any extra pressure being this unofficial locker room leader for the less experienced guys in the locker room?
(Matt): Ahh, not really lad. I mean it’s an honour if people see me like that but I just try and pass on any knowledge I’ve got to those who are willing to listen but I’m not even 30 yet, you know what I mean? I’m in no position to be giving advice to anyone and if I was, it’s not to eat 100% Pain sauce, f*ck! Me arse is gonna be like a Japanese flag later on, lad! How many more do we have?
(Sean): We only have two more, you’re almost there. This one is “Da’ Bomb Beyond Insanity” sauce.
(Matt): So when people come up with these sauces, are they just pricks, ya know? Do they just want or melt people’s insides and make them look a scene from House of fockin’ Wax?!
(Sean): Pretty much. Like this stuff, you wouldn’t put on a sandwich or anything, this is uncharted territory!
(Matt): F*ck it, you only live once fella.
Matt dives straight in, ripping the flesh and meat from the bone off and chewing. Not three seconds later, he’s leaning back on his chair, slapping his hands off the table. As the crew behind the camera double over at Matt’s reaction, Sean presses on with his question.
(Sean): One thing that’s been missing from HWA programming since it’s return are the championship belts. Do you think they’ll ever return and do you see yourself as a future world champion?
(Matt): Whoooo, Jesus Christ, lad, I literally can’t feel my f*cking tongue now! Haha, that was mental! Umm, championship belts? Will they come back, I don’t know, that’s a question for Mr and Mrs Gaffer so it is. Do I see myself as a future world champion? Listen, if you’re a pro wrestler and you don’t get into the business without aspirations of being world champion, you’re in the wrong game and if you ever speak to anyone in wrestling, in football, boxing, any sport and they tell you they’re not interested in titles or being the best, they’re lying through their teeth so they are.
(Sean): Great, so, here we are Matt, you made it to the last one, last sauce, last question dude. We didn’t quite do 10 but it’s all good. Now it’s tradition for the last one, we actually dip directly into the sauce?
(Matt): F*ck it, go big or go home lad.
Matt takes the bottle and begins to pour it excessively onto his wing before reading the warning label on the bottle.
(Matt): “Blair’s Mega Death… Warning…this sauce…contains ingredients 500 times hotter than a jalapeño” oh what the f*ck! I’m still struggling from that last one, I feel like I’m a f*ckin coke head or something, my nose is running and I’m sweating like a paedo in church…
Matt sizes up his wing before going in for the last bite and before he’s even managed to chew, he reacts, laughing and almost crying at the same time.
(Matt): Come on, that’s not legal! F*cking hell fella! You’re sitting there eating them like they’re bloody tic tacs and I’m sittin here sweatin harder than Prince Andrew man, f*ck sake!
In between the cacophony of laughter at Matt’s verbal and physical reactions to the Blair’s Mega Death, Sean asks his last question.
(Sean): What’s your ultimate career goal in professional wrestling?
(Matt): Man, is it even possible for your teeth to sweat?! Hooooo! Right let’s do it, last question, my career goal? To be the goat, the champ, the best. That’s the endgame. To make my mark on the sport, so that when I hang my boots up, I want people to look back on my matches and be like, you know what, that little Irish lad from Dublin, he was special, ya know what I’m saying?
Sean grins as he reaches over to shake Matt’s hand.
(Sean): Matt, well done! You made it! That’s the last question, no more wings. Helluva performance! You did great!
(Matt): Cheers fella! I won’t be forgetting this in a hurry that’s for sure!
(Sean): Well I hope for the right reasons! Thanks for coming on, you’ve been a great guest. As you know, we give every guest the floor for thirty seconds, look in that camera, that camera and that camera and tell everyone what you’ve got going on!
Matt directs his gaze between the three sets of cameras as directed by Sean.
(Matt): Thanks for having me Hot Ones! I’m Matt Miller so I am! You can catch me next week live on CBS for HWA Havoc when I take on William Draconis and then in August we’ve got our first Pay-Per-View in eight years and I’m gonna bleed, sweat and everything in between against Maniac. But for now, I’m away to Bed, Bath and Beyond to buy some quadruple ply toilet paper because I’m in for a rough night so I am!
There’s more laughter around the studio and set as Matt stands up and shakes hands again with Sean as the scene faces to black.
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