They Don't Understand Us
Posted by Erica Martinez
on August 30, 2023, 10:32 pm, in reply to "
Moving In"
She’s been uncharacteristically quiet since Art of War. After helping get Maniac situated, her maestro suggested she spend some time in the area rich with wrestling history and through a contact of his he’d even arranged for her to be a guest on the Howard Stern Show out of Miami. True to his word he was taking care of her, mentoring her and elevating her to excel and be her best in and out of the ring. It was more than anyone had ever done for her and she’d learned things through him that no one else had the guts to say or teach. She felt like Harry Potter if he didn’t have to sneak into the restricted section of the library, her professor was opening the door wide to knowledge and she was lapping it up. She had been at the studio for a while chatting and as it began to air on the radio they had just finished introductions before diving in. (Howard Stern): Erica Martinez, this going to be a fuking treat? (Erica): You bet your ass it is, how you doing senior, it’s nice to meet you? (Howard Stern): I’m doing great. Word on the street is, you’re the new face of wrestling. (Erica): You heard right! (Howard Stern): So who is Erica Martinez then? Erica kicks her feet up on the desk as she leans back. (Erica): I’m just a gal trying to live the American Dream, ya know. Born in Mexico, parents immigrated here to give our family a better life and sacrificed everything they had for it. My oldest brothers are gone, my father is gone…all trying to push us towards that goal, it’s my time to step up and that’s what I’m doing. (Howard Stern): You’re not that popular though with the fans apparently, you’ve been labeled as a troublemaker. (Erica): I don’t give a shit what people call me. Fuk these fans! I can prance around and twirl my hair and act innocent and stupid like Michelle, Vanessa, Sarah, and Alexis……….or just be myself. They’re gonna pay those hard earned dollars whether they like me or not. (Howard Stern): If there’s one thing I’ve learned about wrestling is that it is a lucrative fuking business, so tell me about that a bit…why are you the new face of wrestling? And by the way…I’ve had my fair share or wrestlers on this show over the years who were the faces of the business at the time raking in money hand over fist…or so I was told…so what puts you in that category next to a Torrie Wilson or a Lita? Erica Scoffs… (Erica): For starters I can wrestler. (Howard Stern): Opposed to what they were doing? They were what… “not” wrestling? (Erica): Come on…everybody knows Torrie Wilson was just eye candy, that bitch can’t fight. Lita’s got two moves, one she stole from the Hardy’s and the other she does so sloppy she always hit more of the mat than her opponents. They’ve got nothing on me. I on the other hand…I can go, I’ve got skill, speed, strength, I’m not trying to be the pinup girl or the cool girl. I’m trying to be the best, and that’s what I am. (Howard Stern): Let’s go with that, you’re the best…so how did this Michelle uh…. Howard is snapping his fingers trying to recall Michelle’s last name. (Howard Stern): …the little blonde thing…help me out here Robin… (Robin): Learner…Michelle Learner… (Howard Stern): Right, Michelle Learner…so if you’re the best and she beat you at this Art of War thing last week…doesn’t that make her the best now…isn’t that how this whole wrestling thing works…like with titles…you lose and someone else is then champion? (Erica): Hell no, did you see that match? I beat her ass the entire time, I get distracted for a moment and she gets me up in a fuking School Boy rollup? Nobody even uses that shit anymore…that’s some old school bullshit Mr. Miyagi taught her ass. Howard starts laughing…gesturing wax on and wax off with his hands. (Howard Stern): Wait a minute…Mr. Miyagi…didn’t …what was his name Pat…did he die years ago? So what…it’s his ghost, she’s being trained by a ghost? (Erica): Just about…his career sure died a long time ago. Red Dragon, he’s the pendejo running the academy that shows favoritism. (Howard Stern): Right, so you said you were distracted…what distracted you? (Erica): I was distracted by Hans, they made my man the referee of the match. (Robin): Now wait a minute…this Hans von Richtoven…he’s a married man, how can he be your so-called man? (Erica): The same way you’ve been talking about dieting for decades but your weight has gone up and down more than a whures head on dick. (Robin): Oh, Okay…we’re going there then… (Howard Stern): Hold on…you’re telling me this Hans guy is married? How does that work? (Erica): Si, pero ella…I mean, yes, but he’s about to leave her, the day those divorce papers are served is closer than she thinks. (Howard Stern): So what you take turns with him…is this one of those polygamist relationships? Is that how he distracted you in the match? (Erica): Come on Howard, you know how it is. Sometimes you just get weak in the knees when that love just stares you in the face. (Howard Stern): That’s what it is with you two “love,” or is this some made up Glen Close, Fatal Attraction shit you have going on? (Erica): Hey, all I know is he’s made numerous advances at me, and I’ve accepted them…that’s how the start of a lot of relationships works. He’s a hot fuking guy, I’m a woman that fulfills his needs…and we make a perfect pair. (Howard Stern): And what about his wife, you’re all over the internet for throwing a fireball in her face, what the fuk was that about? (Erica): Puta was talking shit about me and thought I wouldn’t hear it. I put her in her place and that’s all there is to it. Howard gestures with his hands like he’s trying to form a globe. (Howard Stern): How do…how do you even “throw” a fireball. Like Dragon Ball Z fireball or circus freak spitting fire. (Erica): It’s a trade secret I learned from mi maestro…I can’t divulge that information. (Robin): I want to talk more about you and this Hans guy. Your own boss said you had a “ridiculous obsession” with him. He’s put Red Dragon out there as a bodyguard I guess for this guy’s wife. (Howard Stern): Yeah let’s talk about your bosses, or at least one of them…Butch Parker. I caught that press conference earlier in the week, he had a few things to say about you and the other women. (Erica): I didn’t watch that shit! Reporters, para preguntas estupidos! I heard bits and pieces. (Howard Stern): It was actually quite praising, he talked about his pride in the women in HWA, and being willing to put any of you up against the men. (Erica): El Hefe said that? He’s fuking lying. He wouldn’t put any of us women in the ring with the men. I issued a challenge to his decrepit old friend Mr. Miyagi and he didn’t make that match happen did? They both ignored me so that’s bullshit, and he can put his friends ass out there at commentary all he wants that’s got nothing to do with me. Erica pulls her legs down off the desk and takes a sip from her drink that had been sitting on the table. (Howard Stern): Upper management problems? (Erica): I’m just tired of being overlooked. I busted my ass to get where I am and they made a lot of promise they didn’t deliver on. They put me on the back burner, and fed me scraps when they others were getting filet mignon. I can’t wait for Havoc…these new chicks….Liliana and Brair...I think we’re going to get along just fine and we’re going to have Alexis, Sarah and Michelle all in the same place at the same time and put them down once and for all. (Howard Stern): So there some people you get along with then? (Erica): So far we get along fine, this is going to be our first time together but anyone that comes in like they did and put their money where their mouth is fine by me. Alexis…ella puta came in spitballing and look at her now. I beat her ass, and she’s teaming up with Sarah who can’t make something of herself on her own. They’re just holding each other up like two crutches at this point and the Blackthorne’s and I…we’re kicking them bitches legs from under them at Havoc and Michelle right along with them. (Howard Stern): Goddamn, you really don’t like her do you? Erica frowns her face up… (Erica): I don’t like any of them pendejas. Sabes que…Alexis is overrated and Michelle is the worst of them all…she’s so phony. Mormon kunt is the biggest liar there is. All her God this and Jesus that is all a front. That’s why her man had his tongue down my throat a few weeks ago, he wanted some of the real thing, but I’m already spoken for. (Robin): Are you being serious…that is a married man…I don’t think he wants you the way you think he does. (Erica): Callate pendeja, you talk a lot of shit, and I don’t like bitches that talk a lot of shit. (Howard Stern): Now hold on, hold on, hold on…lets all settle down here. So what’s next for you, where does Erica Martinez go from here? (Erica): Well, this may not be the right place to say…but I may be taking some medical leave sometime in the new year. We’re going to start trying. Erica smiles broadly, nodding her head affirmatively. (Howard Stern): Trying what…what are we talking about here? (Robin): Oh my god this woman is just crazy! Erica cuts Robin a glare like she’s about to come over there and slap her. (Erica): Hans wants to be a father and I think he deserves to be, he’s going to be a great father and so we’re going to you know…do I have to spell it out for you? (Howard Stern): Well I think you kind of fuking have to? I mean, you’ve got a married guy, some bodyguard situation protecting his wife…it sounds to me like this guy doesn’t want to touch you with a 10ft pole let along a 10 inch dick or whatever he’s packin’. So how is that going to work, some Immaculate conception kind of thing or what? (Erica): You know what I’m sick of people questioning our relationship. Por favor…have some respect, this is a very delicate situation…he’s trying to let this woman down as nicely as possible so we can move on with our lives, it’s a very private matter. We’re not Meghan and Harry on the cover of every magazine….some people like their privacy. (Howard Stern): We’re going to let that marinate there. Jeremy Branson… Erica shrugs her shoulders indifferently… (Erica): What about him? (Howard Stern): So you outed this guy on live television, and he’s recently called you “bat shit crazy” and you’re the “Mexican Harley Quinn.” (Erica): Fuk him…he’s a crybaby. He’s just jealous of me because he’s been jerking off to pictures and video of Hans since he was teenager and he can’t have him. You hear all his fanboy bullshit going into the ppv? See the way he was looking at him these past weeks, his eyes go straight to his package, the same way guys look at my tits. He’s friends with the bosses nephew…that’s the only reason he gets air time. (Howard Stern): Here you are again, bucking authority…are you concerned this is going to land you in some kind of trouble? (Erica): Trouble like what…they’re going to fine me? They fine me all the time. Mi maestro too, he thinks it’s funny. They don’t like to hear the truth sometimes, especially when it about their hand-picked favorites. Liliana…Brair…if you’re listening chicas, don’t worry. We may not have gotten that extreme rules match for Havoc, but that’s not going to stop us from putting a beat down on las tres putas, the handpicked maidens of HWA. And for Butch to take back your bonus, that’s just wrong…but hey…at least you got one. He didn’t give me shit. I went out there and gave Michelle a biblical ass whoopin’ and all they did was praise her for being “so brave.” What the fuk did she so, but lead Fallen on. You and me ladies…we’re going to do the same at Havoc. We’re going to lead them all on, let them think they are as they good as they think they are and then cut their lights out. That lunch? You’re on…say when, say where and I’m there. I’m not picky on food as long as there’s plenty to eat and plenty to drink. (Howard Stern): About those Blackthorne’s the other recruit…Rain…she’s suspended. How do you feel about that? (Erica): It’s just another one of Parker’s injustices. She’s trying to stand out from her father and she gets slapped on the wrist. I was a recruit once too, and I know first hand that they aren’t going to give her any opportunities. First, she’s a woman…they’re just stringing her along because she’s second generation. She did the right thing going for hers, taking the spotlight that they aren’t going to put on her. I’ll have to talk to mi maestro and get permission, but I might need to join this Fallen Fan Club they have going on as a side thing. Us like-minded girls need to stick together. (Howard Stern): So this Rain’s father works for the company. (Erica): William Draconis, yeah! Tough fuking hombre! I hope he stands up for her. Other than mi maestro, if anyone is going to stand up to Parker its him. I mean…its his daughter right? She didn’t do anything wrong! (Howard Stern): By all accounts of what you all do, doesn’t seem like it to me. Several more minutes pass by on the show before things wrap up with a few more basic and inconsequential questions and it’s off the air. About an hour later she’s in the back of a cab on her way to the airport. Flipping through images on her phone and enjoying the feeling of her nipples harden as she kisses the image leaving lipstick on the screen. (Erica): Don’t worry papi, mami’s coming home! Erica smiles as the scene fades to black.
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