It’s a sparse room, nondescript, plain, completely indistinguishable from many others that you yourself will have come across.
In what town or city is this building located in? Well, it’s anyone's guess.
After a few seconds, the camera pans around at the behest of someone off-screen.
As the view changes, Tobias Clarke appears, clearly the instigator of the camera’s turn, judging by the scowl he’s got on his face.
The scowl is wiped though, and he takes on the air of happiness, joy, unbridled enthusiasm.
It’s really quite at odds with what you’ve seen from him before.
(Tobias): Greetings HWA-fanverse, animal lovers, redneck hillbillies and the rest of you normal people.
He claps his hands in front of him, almost bouncing on his feet.
(Tobias): Today is a very special day. Because today, I get to help people. You see buddies, I get a bad rep from people that are just… well…
He shrugs, relenting to the inevitable.
(Tobias): … too f*cking stupid to actually get what I’m doing. Y’see, I was signed because I’m the next big thing, the crown jewels, the Rocky standing at the top of the steps, only, I have working muscles in both sides of my face…
Raising his hands up to frame his face, he smiles the most winning smile imaginable before dropping them back down again.
(Tobias): The Nepo-Squad make a huge deal out of ‘we were here from the beginning’, and yes, they were. But like any good foundation, when the time comes to throw the rest of the building up, they’re buried and forgotten about.
As for the ‘returning greats’, well, past tense on the ’great’ part, that’s for sure. It’s only a matter of time before a hip goes or they succumb to alcoholism… or madness… whatever…
So y’see buddies, HWA is in need of something to keep itself going. It needs star power, it needs people with abilities, it needs someone to take the bull by the horns. You American’s love to talk about ‘elite’ quarterbacks and those that are just game managers. I’m the former. You have me, you’re going places.
Off camera, clapping can be heard which pleases Tobias no end.
With a quick hand motion, it nevertheless stops.
(Tobias): But, even elite quarterbacks can be let down when their own side decides to just f*ck with the plan and do whatever they want. And that’s where HWA is trending right now. It’s not a wrestling federation, it’s a f*cking sanctuary for cretins, reprobates and people that I would struggle to tell apart from god-damn apes!
No one, and I mean no one is more guilty of that than Hans. But… but…, he at least is making the f*cking effort to train them. Man practically lives in that academy. I'm really quite surprised he managed to get his wife pregnant if she’s at home all the time… wink wink, nudge nudge…
A lone laugh from off camera occurs, sparking a glare from Tobias resulting in a few more voices joining in.
Again, with a quick hand motion, it soon stops.
(Tobias): But then once we get past him, we’re then faced with the Sons of Stupidity. When they’re not gangraping words, they’re talking about family more than Vin Diesel ever does and y’know what, they’re always on the look out for a new member to bring along for the ride.
So here’s my good turn. Boys, if you can take in Monkey without first taking him out back and hosing him down, then you can take on these fine specimens. Let me assure you, they will bring the collective IQ of your group up…
A sharp head nod to his right causes the camera to begin to slowly pan to that side.
Into view comes three rather unkempt and unlikely individuals. Clearly, they’ve been taken in off the streets. They look like the likely promise of food and a place to shower is just about the only thing keeping them there.
Tobias walks to the first one.
Then takes a step back as the odor hits.
(Tobias): You, what’s your name?
(Brian): Name’s Brian…
A very pregnant pause occurs, Tobias ending up tapping his toes and leaning in.
(Tobias): Aaaaaannnnnndddd…?
(Brian): Oh, right… yeah… I’m a wrestler!
(Tobias): Excellent. Are you a good fit for the Sons of Anarchy?
(Brian): Erm, I guess…? Maybe?
(Tobias): You guess? Maybe?
(Brian): I mean, yes… yes, yes I am!
(Tobias): Good man.
He turns back to face the camera.
(Tobias): Now I found Brian passed out in a drug fuelled haze behind a dumpster, so William, that’s three reasons why he needs into your little gang. One, he’s a wrestler, he said so. Two, he’s able to handle his chemicals, critical for when your retard son starts setting fires in the middle of a coach again. Three, he can handle bad smells, perfect for when Monkey is around.
With that, he moves on to the second person.
(Tobias): And you are?
(Lance): My name’s Lance.
(Tobias): And?
The tone is far sharper and less impressed than before.
(Lance): My name’s Lance and I’m a wrestler.
(Tobias): Gooood. Wasn’t difficult to say now, was it? Tell us about yourself Lance, stick to specifics, there’s a good man.
(Lance): I’m a wrestler, and I really want to be in the Sons of Anarchy, because…
He squints, clearly trying to read something behind the camera.
(Lance): … I really want to educate them on the meaning of anarchy.
(Tobias): Do go on Lance.
(Lance): Anarchy is a lack of organization and control in a society or group, especially. because either there is no government or it has no power.
(Tobias): Fascinating Lance, ‘no power’ you say? My, my, how accurate. You’re a surprisingly well read alcoholic wrestler…
And with that it’s on to the last one.
(Tobias): And you are?
Clearly knowing the script, this one launches right into it, keen to avoid the verbal barbs as much as possible.
(Ryan): My name’s Ryan and I’m a wrestler.
Muttering ‘better’ under his breath, Tobias signals for him to continue.
(Ryan): I want to be in the Sons of Anarchy, because even no hope losers like me can find a fraternity of like minded and similar people…
A loud throat clearing cough can be heard from Tobias, interrupting the flow.
(Ryan): And, erm, yes… like minded and similar animals and cretins and try to make something of our lives sponging off those more talented than us and riding their coat tails…
(Tobias): Very honest of you Ryan.
He turns to face the camera.
(Tobias): So you can see here William, three ideal candidates for you and with far less anger problems than Jerome has as well.
Consider this my good deed. Let me help you, help them. And with it, perhaps one of you will get good.
Another winning smile forms, before he walks off camera as the scene fades to black.
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