((OOC- HI GUYS, SORRY ABOUT THE ABSENCE, I'VE BEEN IN BED ALL WEEK WITH THE FLU BUT AM BACK AND HOPEFULLY BACK TO MY BEST. CHEERS, JAMIE))


The scene opens out onto a view of the Melbourne waterfront. Standing in the cameras gaze is HWA interviewer Mike Anderson, looking at home in the late evening sunlight, as he raises the microphone to his lips.

(Mike Anderson): Welcome one and all to Australia! Earlier on this morning, I managed to catch a few words with Spotlight Champion Logan Neilson; who took the time to explain his absence of late, as well as a few other surprising bits and pieces.

The scene briefly fades out, before returning to one of a generic looking TV studio. A HWA logo is emblazoned on a black backdrop before which two chairs are set. Mike Anderson occupies one, while Logan Neilson takes the other.

(Mike Anderson): Well Logan. The first show of the Australian tour is but a hair breadth away now, and this is the first of us hearing from you. Care to let us know what’s been occupying you?

(Logan): Well Mike A’ve actually been busy organising an event fur Sport Relief 2010.

Mike nods his head at this, a look of mild comprehension dawning.

(Mike Anderson): Now while I’ve heard of these yearly events Logan…

He gestures at the camera.

(Mike Anderson): … I’m sure many of our viewers haven’t. Would you mind explaining what Sport Relief does?

(Logan): It’s basically a three day event where as many people as possible try tae raise money for charity by taking part in different sports and activities. A lot of folk walk a mile but others go a bit further such as Eddie Izzard who ran a marathon a day and David Walliams swam across the English Channel.

(Mike Anderson): And what’s your contribution towards it then Logan? Something in a similar vein, an endurance event?

(Logan): Ha-ha! Ye could say that. Nah I met up wi the actor Jude Law at a recent charity do, we got chattin’ decided it’d be cool tae have a Scotland versus England football match wi other celebrities rather than professional players. So wi Sport Relief comin’ up it was a perfect opportunity.

(Mike Anderson): So who have you two managed to line up then?

(Logan): Well I can only speak for myself really, as Jude’s keeping his cards close tae his chest but I think he’s got Daniel Radcliffe… as fur maself…

Logan reaches to his pocket, bringing out a very worn piece of paper which appears to be his team sheet.

(Logan): In goals we have Dave “The Jaw” Coulthard, a back four of Ewan “Jedi” McGregor, Billy “Pippin” Boyd, Dario “Big Mario” Franchitti and Chris Hoy… He’s no’ got a nickname yet.

He clears his throat.

(Logan): And in midfield we’ve got Kevin “Captain McTavish” McKidd, Logan “Logie Bear” Neilson… That’s me…. Erm... Simon “’Mon the Biffy” Neil and Paulo “Maldini” Nutini. And finally up front Andy “In the Net” Murray and James “Lucky Bastard” MacAvoy… He pumped the Jolie in that film….

Mike restrains himself from smirking at Logan’s last few words.

(Mike Anderson): That’s a pretty eclectic mix, and before I ask about their nicknames, because they do intrigue me, just what brought you all together.

(Logan): Getting it right up the English!

(Mike Anderson): Anything else?

(Logan): A general love of football and it’s for a gid cause. I’m no gonnae lie, I dinnae ken half the folk well, but we got on like a house of fire when we all met up this week.

(Mike Anderson): And the nicknames? How did they come about?

(Logan): Well quite naturally, and I just wrote them on this bit of paper tae amuse me…so they’ve stuck now. “The Jaw” because … he has a muckle chin! “Jedi” ‘cause he played Obi Wan, simple, same wi Billy and “Pippin”. “Big Mario” ‘cause its like Dario…but no’.

He shrugs and pauses before continuing.

(Logan): “Captain McTavish” ‘cause Kevin does his voice in the Call of Duty games, “’Mon the Biffy” ‘cause Simon is front man of the awesome Biffy Clyro, who I’d recommend tae all the American and Aussie fans out there! And “Maldini” ‘cause it rhymes wi Nutini and Paulo Maldini was an Italian international for years.

He thinks back a moment seeing if he has missed anyone.

(Logan): Already explained the James is a lucky b-word after being in the film Wanted. And “In the Net” was meant tae be a Tennis/Football pun about Andy… I’ll work on it and get something better before match day.

(Mike Anderson): And when exactly is this match taking place?

(Logan): Well I dinnae ken’ specifics yet, but Sport Relief runs from the 19th to the 21st of March.

Again, another shrug of the shoulders.

(Logan): Take yer pick. Announcements nearer the date I guess.

To be continued