HWA Message Board: Deflections

The scene opens onto one of the luxurious properties dotted around California’s Thermal Club, hosting today the second round of the Indycar championship.

You’re there with your wife, a rare day when you can both be together sans child for a few hours while Vanessa’s parents were visiting and so making it even possible.

A change of scenery, good entertainment and being together…

You couldn’t shake the feeling that something needed releasing however.

Something that’s gnawed at you for a few days now, even as you’d done your best to focus on training and preparation. Despite your best efforts at shutting out the real world, things had gotten through the cracks.

And so you’ve excused yourself and found yourself a quiet spot in a shaded area of the paddock club.

You’ve propped your phone up against one of the empty glasses and angled it to take in your upper torso, the other hand smoothing out your shirt and adjusting your aviators.

A click of the button and the timer counts down before recording begins.

’Herr Chaos.’

You stop, those words crossing the threshold of your mouth leaving the most sour of tastes in their wake.

You would love to wash them away and spit it out if you could. You know it wouldn’t make the blindest bit of difference however, so you force yourself to carry on.

’Herr Chaos. Du bist ein broken record…’

Again you halt, forcing down the bile in the back of your throat.

’Herr Chaos… again und again und again you refuse to take the high road. This is my fault is it? Mine?

The snort of derision and eyeroll that follows as you slump back into your chair is but one part. The scorn that drips from your next words is the second piece.

’Herr Chaos, don’t you dare try to pass das buck off again. It is all you tried to do for the past two years und knowing just how much of a snivelling slime you are, it will continue on. You mein freund, are shameless. You, Herr Chaos, are a coward.

Why face consequences when you can blame others, jah?

Why ever dream of having introspection when you can neatly sidestep und deflect, jah?

Why bother taking actual ownership when you can just say you’ve done it, jah?

Why bother with changing when you can just lie?

Chicago, where you tried to run over Sarah und Matt… that was you.

Jeremy’s father, whose home was broken into und then was brutally assaulted on camera… by you.

Erica’s brother, who was tortured und had an ear cut off… cut off, like some verdammt cartel scheiße… jah, that was you.

I could go on, it has been a long zwei jahren Herr Chaos. Und you… you have been at the heart of it all. Poking, prodding, blindsiding und shooting your blödsinn fireballs into mein eyes und then fleeing on your bus as soon as it seems your long awaited comeuppance ist nigh.

The first year, you did nothing but piss everyone off, start fires und jah, cause chaos.

You revelled in it.

Like das hund that eventually catches it’s tail though, you eventually realised you had no one to back you up, und so in year zwei you played on Erica’s grievances und stoked them until they were an inferno.

Und then, you got burnt. Und rather than put das flames out, you washed your hands, only doing lip service for months und got distracted by your old freund Lunatik appearing out of thin air after all these years.

Eventually, the cries of ‘shame’ became too much even for you Herr Chaos, und then you tried to kill your creation. But it wasn’t your fault that you had to do such a thing. Nein, it was Erica’s… nein, it was this ‘demon’... then you und Lunatik started playing mindgames with Jeremy und Matt…

It all got messy, jah, we can agree on that.

That leads me to now. It’s year three, und you have a new sidekick.

Du hast learnt nothing.

Du hast repeated what you did before.

Herr Chaos, the common denominator is you.

You are the enabler.

You are the rot.

You are the whispering voice upon das shoulder.

That is what you are und what you will continue to be. It’s your nature.

I know that you will plead innocence und say that you’ve changed.

Your actions show that you’ve not Herr Chaos.

The only thing that changes is who das blame falls upon. It was Matt… und then it was Sarah… mein frau hast been blamed by you as well… Jeremy… und now me.

Herr Chaos, you may have some of das fans cheering for you. I’m sure many of them remember you in the early years… it’s like a band doing a twentieth anniversary tour of an album, mein gott, das memories! The euphoria, the nostalgia… makes you forget what happened since, you’re young again, jah? Forget their next few albums jah… or in your case, forget what atrocities you’ve done in das time…'

You still your words for a moment and swallow, whetting your lips and calming yourself.

’Herr Chaos. Unlike them, I have not been taken in by your attempts.

You’re not sorry you got Wolfy mixed up in anything.

You lept from Erica to him in a heartbeat und used him as a means to an end, just like you did her und just like everything else you do.

You treat everyone as if they’re some side character in a game that you und you alone are playing.

I hope Price destroys you at Fatality. You’re no champion, belt or not, not with what you’re lacking here…

You tap your palm on your chest over where your heart is.

’You have blood on your hands, mein freund. Stop trying to wipe them clean on others.’

You cease the recording and upload it, before sitting back, clenching and unclenching your fists as you draw yourself back into a more healthy state… saving it for when Fatality would arrive and you would be striding down that ramp towards the ring.

A long exhale of breath follows, as you then glance up and scan the area, searching for your wife.

Back to reality. For now.

The scene fades to black.