“Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what an utter bellend,” Matt said to himself as he finished his push-ups. He got to his feet, wiping the sweat and perspiration from his face and upper body with a towel before he made his way over to his laptop, loading it up and directing himself towards the roster section of HWA’s YouTube channel do a live response. He sat down, letting the towel he had dried himself with drape over his shoulders.
“Really, Maniac? You’re still harping on with the mind games, bullshit, fella? Still clinging to names of former and current superstars whose boots you couldn’t lace! I’ve got no time for cerebral warfare, lad, it’s not my style. Seriously, I’ll pay you a hundred bucks if you can go one promo without mentioning Butch, Hans or Sensei Matthew. It’s like you’re obsessed! And are we seriously still on the “if it wasn’t for people like us” train?”
Matt rolls his eyes, pinching the top of the bridge of his nose in bewilderment.
“Honestly, fella, change the f*cking record and get some new material. And if you wanna play that game, if it wasn’t for Butch Parker’s tireless work and determination whilst you were making mashed potato dioramas on your padded cell walls, if it wasn’t for “Captain Cosplay’s” teachings in the Academy, if it wasn’t for me then YOU wouldn’t have a job right now, mate. It was my matches, Sean’s matches, Sarah’s, Michelle’s, Jeremy’s, hell even Erica’s matches that Butch and Wisdom showed the CBS big-wigs and convinced them that returning HWA to where it is now was a smart business decision, so it was! It was the unadulterated heart, soul and passion we all showed that has allowed you to spew the nonsensical rhetoric you continue to heap on us week in and week out. So yeah, I’m pretty sure the respect of my peers is the least I can expect, fella!
But instead, what do I have to do? Listen to you, on repeat, spouting the same old bullshit you do, copying and pasting but just changing the name of your opponent. And if you want to intimidate someone, lad, you’re gonna have to try harder than speaking in a low, scary voice and then laughing after quoting a Batman movie, because that didn’t do Jack shite, mate. In fact, fella, it was f*cking cringeworthy, even by your standards. Although…
Matt points at the camera, wagging his finger in realisation.
“…that being said, you are a joker, Maniac. Let’s face it, you were face paint, you’re into gratuitous violence, you’re always inexplicably laughing, you’ve been in the loony bin more times than I’ve hot dinners… what else?”
Matt clicks his tongue.
“Oh yeah!”
He snaps his fingers.
“Your plans always backfire and blow up in your face! Which is what’s going to happen to you and Deas when Jeremy and I get you both in the ring at Havoc, fella. You’re a joker alright, Maniac, but you don’t deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as the greats though, like Nicholson, Ledger, Romero or even Hamill. Hell even Joker Sting in TNA was more convincing than you, fella! Nah, you’re like Jared Leto, the one everyone wants to forget and wishes was recast!”
Matt leans back in his chair. He breathes in deeply through his nose, exhaling loudly moments later before he speaks again.
“I can do this all day, lad, I’ve got all the time in the world. All I’m doing is training, prepping, studying. So keep spouting your repetitive shite, quote all the movies you want, deride my mentors, my brothers and sisters, my father-figures, because it’s not something you haven’t done a thousand times before. You’re like a shitty 80s rock band, Maniac. They don’t bring out any new songs or albums, all they do is play the same one-hit wonder over and over and expect people to be impressed even though the people got bored of it and stopped listening years ago, blindly and ignorantly oblivious to what’s going on around them. You’re the Journey of professional wrestling, fella. Popular and relevant for a brief period of time but after a while, became tedious to the point that when people hear you, they roll their eyes, and say “ugh, not this again!” and they hit next. That’s where we’re at with you, lad.”
Matt doesn’t even bother closing it with anything memorable. He’s satisfied with what he’s had to say and stops the recording. Once he can see his response is viewable on the HWA YouTube channel, he puts his laptop back into sleep mode and resumes his workout as the scene fades to black.
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